Is it normal that i can't bond with my boyfriends son?

28 Comments

For eight months I've tried to bond with my boyfriend's son but he makes it difficult. At first he was all sweet and polite but lately he smarts off, won't clean up after himself, and doesn't mind me. I can feel he doesn't want me around. I know he's young (9) but I'm at my breaking point. He's there every weekend and I find myself making excuses to not be there but my bf is beginning to see it. We've discussed his behavior and he's usually the one to bring it up. I think maybe it's a phase but I'm not going to be continually disrespected. He lets him take over the tv the entire time he is there. allows him to eat what he wants but he does say something to him when he catches him being smart towards me and I do as well. He never thanks me for anything so I've quit buying him anything. I can feel myself despising him lately. I know I'm not the only one going through this and I'm looking for advice not smart remarks or to be scolded by judgemental fools with no experience in this type of situation. Thank you.

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Comments ( 28 )
  • Doesnormalmatter
    4 years ago

    Dumping him is an option, but its up to you to decide if the baggage of the kid makes that worth it.

    But if you want to stay with him, I think what you need is a stern conversation about the kid with your bf. Make him well aware that this is a concern of yours and tell him what you would like to see change. If he is a boyfriend worth his salt, he will try to do something to remedy the sitaution.

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  • litelander8
    4 years ago

    If he only sees his kid on the weekend, that leads to spoiling the child. It's definitely a phase. Have you tried telling the kid you feel this way? And maybe seeing if he tells you why and helping him? Obviously stay firm with discipline but try to be understanding as well.

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    • PeterFalk
      4 years ago

      Yes he definitely does spoil him. I think it's because of guilt from not being in his life while he was incarcerated as well but I'll definitely follow your advice and see how it works out. Thanks so much

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        This dude's probably not the guy for you. Maybe you can meet someone much better?

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    4 years ago

    I say dump him. People with kids are a pain in the ass to date and no amount of love for them is worth the time, stress, and money pissed away into helping raise their kid.

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    • SmokeEverything
      4 years ago

      Yeah I hate kids and people with kids are worse. No matter what you're going to wind up stuck in the role of the other parent no matter how much you hate the kid and you cant beat them either so its like why bother.

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      • PeterFalk
        4 years ago

        Thank you for the advice. No matter how I've tried it just doesn't seem to work.

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      • Cuntsiclestick
        4 years ago

        Yep. Single people with kids are just a giant burden and a waste of time to date.

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    • RoseIsabella
      4 years ago

      I kinda agree with you. I'm probably too old to have kids of my own now, and I certainly don't have any desire to take care of anyone else's kids. I'm not the most patient person. When I was with my ex his teenage niece stayed with us for about a month, and it was a pain in the ass.

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      • Cuntsiclestick
        4 years ago

        Sometimes I wish I could like kids. Taking care of them just isn't in my blood. They'd just come out messed up. Lol Best part about not having them is being stress free and having extra cash to myself. XD

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        • RoseIsabella
          4 years ago

          I think for me it would be different if they were my own kids, but at the same time I also feel like I don't have a very strong maternal instinct. I tend to feel like my maternal instincts are geared more towards animals. I don't like the way some people seem to assume that all women have, or are supposed to have maternal instincts.

          I have only ever babysat one time as an adult, and that was for someone that was my best friend at the time when I was around thirty years old. I had a different best friend when I was in my mid-later thirties, and I would have been cool babysitting her kid if need be, but she never needed it, and that was cool too. I can't imagine being cool with taking care of just random kids. I think it's good that there are people who can do that, but I don't think that I've ever been one of them. I think that jobs where one has to deal with a lot of kids are more of a calling just like if someone feels called to work in the clergy, or law enforcement, or medical, or veterinary care. It's like how I love animals, especially cats, and dogs, but I tend to prefer Siamese cats, or Shetland sheepdogs. I'm not the type to just want to care for any old critter that I find, especially if it's got behavioral issues.

          I think if people are gonna have kids that it's a big responsibility, and there are lots of people in this world with kids who seem to think that it's everyone else's responsibility too. If I had ever had kids I would have had to change my life entirely. I think it might have worked for me with my first ex-husband, before he cheated, but now at almost fifty I don't have enough energy to do the things I actually want to do much less waste energy doing crap I don't care to do.

          I remember when I was was around 34 I was friends with this one woman who actually had the nerve to ask me if I could babysit her friend's kid at my home. I was never so glad to be living with my parents so I could just say that my folks are old, and need their peace, and quiet, but inside I was thinking, "this bitch must be out of her damn mind"! I kinda distanced myself from her after that. I hate it when people find it too easy to ask for favors.

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          • PeterFalk
            4 years ago

            It's good to know I'm not the only woman that feels that way. I could never be mean to a child but the bonding thing isn't working. What bond we did have I've lost since his spiteful behavior.

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            • RoseIsabella
              4 years ago

              I'm glad you feel less alone.

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    • PeterFalk
      4 years ago

      Thank you for the advice. I've not been home in a few days because of the situation and I fear it's inevitably coming to dumping him.

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      • Cuntsiclestick
        4 years ago

        Good. That kid is his problem. Now you can stop stressing over it and find someone who doesn't have one and perhaps has a clean record.

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        • RoseIsabella
          4 years ago

          I agree with this!

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        He's an ex-con, what's the point in being with him unless you have a criminal history, and lots of baggage yourself?

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  • NoLifer
    4 years ago

    I mean thats kind of how kids are. The fact he dropped the "polite act" means he is comfortable around you.

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    • PeterFalk
      4 years ago

      Thank you for commenting. You know I did think that when he starting acting that way. I'm just new to this and needed a little help 😃😃

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  • [Old Memory]
    4 years ago

    It's been 8 months of trying & getting nowhere with this kid. You sure it's worth the stress?

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    • PeterFalk
      4 years ago

      Actually I don't know. At least not yet. If it does get too bad I'll hitch a train outta there. Lol but all jokes aside thanks for the advice

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  • dimwitted
    4 years ago

    Maybe have some alone time with just the 3 of you without any distractions. Like a nice long camping trip where electronic devices and such can't be used. That way he'll be dependent on the adults and give you a chance to show him you're not the bad guy.

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  • Abnormal_Someone
    4 years ago

    You should talk to kid.

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  • WashYaDoggy
    4 years ago

    Yea get out, leave the kids alone, we have to many dead beat step parents out there, the kids would be better of without them.

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    • PeterFalk
      4 years ago

      Lol awe you must lead a truly lonely life. If I were a dead beat step parent I wouldn't be seeking advice. By the way. It's kid not kids. Troll on somewhere else because you'll waste no more of my time.

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      • WashYaDoggy
        4 years ago

        1. You need to read my comment properly.
        2. Google troll
        3. Not ask questions and expect the answers to all be how you want. What would be the point of asking questions?

        Have a wonderful day, don't get upset.

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        • PeterFalk
          4 years ago

          I was waiting for this very response. Lol You have a nice day too. 😃

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          • WashYaDoggy
            4 years ago

            You were waiting for this response because you are a troll! Google troll. I see now that your partners child would definitely be better as far away from you as possible! You seem to have a temper and say things without thinking. No offense.

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