Is it normal that i feel hurt?

33% Normal
1 Comment

Alright so I moved to a new town and met this girl. She was my sister from another mister. OCCASIONALLY it got flirty between us and she had her occasional hookups while I was too busy to date.

Back when we first met, there was some interest on her end but I said no because I was not looking for dates and I had this naive idea that you don't fuck anyone you wouldn't consider dating.

So we didn't, just chilling and shooting the shit, partying together aand over the years we got to be tight.

Well I stopped by her place a while ago and found her cuddled up next to some dude I didn't know and talking all sweet, letting this asshole call her pet names that she told me not to and doing things for him I thought were between us. Since then I've started avoiding her and she's wondering why I'm acting off.

It felt like a slap to the face. Not so much because I think she owes me anything, but I just feel betrayed that this dude was around and she let herself be that way with him while I was organizing shit to distract from our love lives and didn't even mention him.

Had the idea we were past the 'let's ruin the friendship with a passing crush' stage and had settled into being more permanent friends. But she just got sucked up by this dude who I never even had heard of.

Is it normal to feel a bit betrayed?

Voting Results
33% Normal
Based on 3 votes (1 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 1 )
  • Jimbo24
    6 years ago

    If you had some unilateral "projects" about her in your mind, then I guess it's normal --though not rational-- to feel betrayed. Because rationally, you knew she was hooking up, but kind of like with your daughter's sex life or with eating meat, it's one thing to know some shit's going on behind the scenes, and another to actually see it.

    But yeah, it's also normal that she does things with that guy that she doesn't do with you and doesn't let you call her affectionate names and so on, it's because you're in the 'friend' category and he's in 'lover'. Once there's too much familiarity and too much friendliness, and you're too slow to make a move, you'll start feeling like a friend to her regardless of how attractive she initially saw you to be. I believe it's called 'escalation window'.

    Also don't fool yourself thinking you don't believe she owes you shit, because you do. That's just how we work. When we do something like you helping her with parties or whatever, you expect stuff in return, and that stuff you were expecting was most likely some affection or honey from her. So you were in a sense busting your ass for something a savvier dude just swooped in and got 'for free,' and you didn't like that. Understandable.

    See that's why I don't befriend girls I'm (or even might be) interested in sexually or romantically. When I like a girl I make my move right away, and keep escalating from there until possible mating. If you get there you get there, if you don't you can't blame a guy for trying. Otherwise I don't bother to get to know her unless I genuinely want her or need her as a friend or acquaintance.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0