Is it normal that i feel jealous if my boyfriend finds other women attractive?

42% Normal
9 Comments

I know it's human to find people good looking, but I have been in a long relationship and my bf says he is not interested in other girls at all and doesn't see them with that eye. But few years back he used to say he found some girls attractive and I feel horrible just thinking about it, and I would feel horrible if he said he found anyone particular attractive today. Am I the only one who feels this way :(

Voting Results
42% Normal
Based on 19 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Mammal-lover
    3 years ago

    I'll never understand this. Then again I don't get upset if my guy talks about his exes either. Like its part of his history and I want to know his stories. Itd be silly to get upset cause someone he used to care for is involved. Im the object of his eye now not them. If anything its a great way to find out how much better you are for him than those silly exes

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    • SwickDinging
      3 years ago

      This is a good answer.

      If anything I would actually be more concerned if my husband hadn't mentioned a serious ex. That would make me feel insecure. As far as I know we're open about those things and know each other's past. It would worry me to think he'd kept something secret about an ex.

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  • Boojum
    3 years ago

    I read serious insecurity and self-esteem issues in your query.

    In the early stages of infatuation, we tend to ignore everyone apart from the object of our obsession. But that phase doesn't last long, and it's a certain fact that you are not the most beautiful woman your boyfriend will ever see. Maybe he's sensitive enough to have noticed that you found his comments upsetting so he keeps quiet now, but you have to accept that, being a guy, he does notice women, and he particularly notices women he finds attractive.

    Only a highly controlling person would attempt to force a romantic partner to never even look at someone who's a competitor, and only a fool would believe that their partner is blind to everyone else.

    If you're certain beyond all doubt that your boyfriend is so shallow and immature that your appearance is the only thing he finds attractive about you, then you should probably start looking for another boyfriend. If you believe your only value as a woman is your appearance and it's the only thing you have going for you in the dating market, then maybe you should have a long think about the messages you've internalised as you grew up and consider whether those actually have any validity.

    I'd suggest that, if you value your relationship with your boyfriend, you need to do some serious work on addressing your insecurity. Not only is low self-esteem a relationship killer because few people enjoy being with people who think of themselves as worthless, you being worried about your boyfriend finding other women attractive is essentially telling him that you don't trust him. Sooner or later, he's going to pick up on that message, and feeling unjustly distrusted by someone makes it very difficult to even like them.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      Thank you for your response, it puts a lot of things into perspective for me. Just one thing, I don’t really feel insecure or have low self esteem. I’m actually quite satisfied/happy with myself in that sense. I think when we started dating as teens, he used to talk about other women a lot and my insecurity towards this topic only started after that. Do you have any thought on this?

      Again, thanks for your detailed response :)

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    • Demnic
      3 years ago

      As humans we gravitate towards “good looks” but not everyone fantasizes when they see an attractive person. It’s not about sex with me, it’s more of wow they look good whether it’s men or women. sometimes I am thinking that I wish I could look like them, it’s never anything sexual. I don’t think like a lot of programmed people do. With people it’s about sex and lust. I have trained myself to resist most programmed ways of society and In this case, I resisted the sexualized ways of society. of course I admit to seeing boobs and getting turned on, and yes I’m a female, but boobs have been sexualized for so long and it’s a female body part that is comforting But also arousing. I know if my boyfriend sees breasts or a big butt it’s gonna turn him on, hell I get turned on too but I see them as separate things from the person, so I get turned on by the breast and butt not the person it’s on necessarily. It’s hard to explain but I don’t fantasize about the person as a whole. I always ask if my bf wants to experiment with another female or watch me mess around with another female but he says no. I only ask him this since we’ve been dating since I was 18 and he was 17, we are 26 now. He def does not want me to mess around with another guy which I understand. I don’t look at other guys and fantasize, if anything It’s just eye candy so I’m sure it’s like that for my boyfriend. We appreciate seeing good looking people, however if I meet someone and my initial reaction was hey they look good, but find out their personality is ugly then their looks become unattractive. I’m also a pansexual so I fall in love with the soul anyway. looks matter because society has programmed us to be sexually attracted to physical looks instead of personality and character.

      Side note: I know people will read this and say I thought you resisted the sexualized programmed ways but wondering why I get turned on by breasts and butt? It’s when I’m watching adult film, so it’s in a controlled setting. If it’s in public my libido shuts off completely and my mind is somewhere else anyway. I choose when to get horny unless it’s me and my boyfriend together in public then I get turned on by him smacking my ass and grabbing it or when he sneaks a juicy kiss in. Otherwise I save the sex stuff for home In private.

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  • CalliesFinest
    3 years ago

    My dide is the exact same way. But he get jealous if I day I think s female cute or dude but it's ok for him

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  • KacyWatson
    3 years ago

    That is a bit crap but it is sort of normal

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  • TellMeWhy-
    3 years ago

    This is something you'll have to come to terms with in a healthy manner.

    People find others attractive no matter their relationship status, how they deal with that is what matters.

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  • FromTheSouthWeirdMan
    3 years ago

    Attractive people dont cease to exist because he's dating you tho. It sounds very childish. Good on you for realizing its irrational to feel that way.

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