Is it normal that i'm slipping into self loathing n depression because i'm fat?

It's normal with all the emphasis everywhere on perfect bodies and the stigmatising of the "obese" - how I hate that term!

I was born fat and have been overweight most of my life: I don't like it but exercise and eating healthily doesn't make much difference to my weight, although it does keep me as healthy as I can be at the advanced age of 68.

You don't mention your age?

If you want to lose weight at the gym, go and visit and have a look around, you won't be the only fat person there.

You sound as if you feel totally stuck in this situation, but you're not, you know, no-one's going to come knocking on your door with a magic wand. Start slowly with walking, it's good for the depression too, according to some research as helpful for depression as anti-depressants. Get a dog or borrow one, walking is much more fun with a canine companion in my experience.

Good luck!

Yes, it's normal, but it shouldn't be. Shame comes from caring what others think of your body. When you force yourself to stop caring what others think, you will find it a lot easier to get into shape. When you do it for yourself it lasts, when you do it just to avoid shame it usually makes things extremely difficult and you are never satisfied with the results.

Count calories. Drink water. Walk. It's probably easier than it sounds.

You are in control.

walk up hills or stairs, no need to run i think thats the best workout..plus you can do it in the evening

Why not purchase those equipments you can use home? Or find a coach, he'll know how to motivate you.
Good Luck!

Sounds to me like you're just making excuses.

Fortunately for you being fat is on of the simplest things that one can fix about themselves. Simplest, not easiest!
First, you must really desire to change. Then you have to do it.
A sensible diet and exercise is all it takes. Oh yeah, and a great deal of will power and hard work. There is all the information one could ever want online about this; begin googling, now. But no costly doctor's visits, medications or operations are needed.
Think of it this way. You are fat because you are alone and unattractive (in your own mind; I'm sure others do not see you half as badly as you see yourself), so you eat to fill the void in your life your loneliness creates. That makes you fatter, so you eat more, because you are more lonely. Round and round; a vicious cycle. Break the cycle and your whole life changes, forever.
Good luck.

Do u resemble a blimp or other airship