Is it normal that i quit university?

61% Normal

I've done one year of university in an artistic / computery subject, and finished with mostly 1sts and 2/1s (top grades). And because of that, everyone seems to not understand why I've quit

I suffer with anxiety and confidence- always have since getting bullied in high school. The past year has been hard, because I dislike drawing in front of others or letting others see my work if I'm not at least a bit happy with it, and as a result skipped class a lot, and didn't bring in work to be marked. My anxiety has gotten to the point where I don't enjoy art anymore. I have to force myself to do it, and don't feel creative. If I draw something, and it turns out crap, I can't bring myself to try drawing again for weeks on end.

So this year, I've decided to quit. Though I managed to just about deal with it last year, I didn't feel able to do that a second year running. I could feel a total relapse into depression / severe anxiety / not wanting to leave the house, on it's way.

My teachers did manage to persuade me to get a deferral for a year instead of outright quitting, so the doors are still open to me. But I don't think I'll go back. I don't want to do art. In uni, OR as a job. How can I hack it, when I'm like this? I'm bad at it, compared to others, and I don't even enjoy it.

Trouble is, I have no job experience, no intuitive skills, no interpersonal skills, and not much on-the-spot common sense. I feel like I'd be of no value to any worseforce, and it's really worrying me. I have no money to give to my parents right now and I feel horrible about that and like I'm just leeching, but at the same time I'm scared I can't find a job, and scared that even if I do, I'm not going to feel like I deserve the money / am doing a decent job. I'm so stressed out about everything, but at least not as stressed out as I was in uni.

Did I do the right thing by quitting?
Is there some secret to life that I'm just missing? I know its normally to be stressed out but I don't feel like I should be like this at my age. Is it just the way I am, and I just need to fix my perception? or is it just the fact that my work is genuinely shit and I need to get over myself? People tell me on thing, but my brain tells me the other. I don't know anymore.

I don't care about being rich, or having material things. I just want to make my family and my partner proud of me. I want everyone to be happy. I want to have some friends for once in my life, and do normal things, and not have to worry about money or my own stupidity.

It sounds selfish, but I'd rather not have a degree- not earn much money for my family- yet be happy. Than have to go through with uni for another 2 years.

Sometimes I just feel like the anxiety, confidence thing is an excuse. That maybe I'm actually just really lazy and don't want to put the work kn. I don't know anymore. I feel like such a shitty person because I look around me, and my selfishness of quitting is just making others unhappy.

What's the right thing to do, please?

Voting Results

61% Normal

Based on 31 votes (19 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 40 )

[Old Memory]

8 years ago

Look for ways to help people who need help. Then find the people who are willing to pay you to help them. It's a good way to find out what you are naturally good at.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- Ellenna
  
  8 years ago
  
  That's a really good suggestion
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  That sounds like a good way to go about things. As its for free, there wouldn't be so much pressure on me. Trouble is, where do I start? I don't feel as though I have anything good to contribute. I don't really know where to start, who needs help etc.
  
  Any suggestions? Because that actually does sound like a nice idea.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Short4Words

8 years ago

We're not so different.

I quit school 3 years back. Dropped out because I felt I was in the wrong place and I had crippling anxiety. Then more shit happened. And basically I haven't moved on since. I've come far personally. But I got so use to being afraid and using my anxiety to make excuses for myself that I never got a job. I really don't want you do the same things I did because I've been through the rabbit hole and it's not pretty. I'm just shaping up now. But I'm not happy about my actions. If you need some time to think then take some time. Don't think about your parents and just think about you and what you need. But don't take forever. Then you'll have a reason to feel guilty.

Otherwise keep your chin up. And don't be afraid. You're stronger than that.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Sorry to hear you've been there too, but it's also gratifying to know that I'm not the only one who's felt this way.
  
  I'm not sure if our anxieties stem from the same place exactly, but they obviously have affected us in very similar ways.
  
  I definitely don't want to become dependant on using things as an excuse to escape difficult situations. But there are some things where it is also dangerous to overstep the mark. Something's you NEED to take a step back or you're just gonna end up breaking completely.
  
  You clearly put some blame on yourself for how you responded to your own situations. I sympathise with that, and I don't want to just pat you on the back and baby you because at this stage, you sound like you don't need that.
  
  I think you just need a firm push in the right direction and the support of people who genuinely care to go with it. But you shouldn't drag yourself back down with the past. Making yourself feel guilty is no good. Instead, try to see it all as an experience, a learning curve, something you needed to go through to get to this stage and get back on the road to a normal life. What happens next is up to you and that's all that matters now. Shit happens, and we are human, sometimes, to cope, we react in ways that don't actually help us. Don't beat yourself up over it.
  
  You know what? I've found that the people who have been through the toughest times, often end up being some of the nicest and most inspiring people I've met. And hey, maybe if we can turn our negative experiences into positive ones, we will be too. Which I can see you've already made a start on, simply by posting your comment and showing what a nice person you are.
  
  [Cuddles] for us whimps. :)
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - RoyRogers
    
    8 years ago
    
    If you cant handle school you are not going to handle the real world so well. You should try seeing a therapist to help with your anxiety problems. If you are so anxious you cant work, you are going to be homeless really fast since your boss asked for a project and you started breaking down.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      You're right, that's one thing I'm really worried about. I've never had a job before so I really don't know how I'll be with that, but I don't feel great about the idea.
      
      I can only try, and see. And try getting some professional help whilst I still can too.
      
      If nothing worked, and I did end up on the streets, I don't think I'd last very long before just deciding to end it. I'm pretty scared about my future.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - RoyRogers
        
        8 years ago
        
        In all honesty that is your choice. Simply being anxious is really no excuse. Some people are terrified all the time but they still do their job. The fact you dont feel like doing things for this reason makes you a whiney child. You are going to have to grow up eventually. Being an adult is about not being a little bitch anymore. Bitching is for children. If you end up on the streets you are the only one to blame. There is no respect in being a worthless coward. Cowards deserve to be eaten by wolves.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        I didn't realise people existed with minds as tiny as yours. You've actually unwittingly persuaded me that there people out there much more worthless and petty than myself (such as yourself, for example), so thank you. Your encouragement is really appreciated. :)
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        1
        
        1
  - Short4Words
    
    8 years ago
    
    Just apply that advice to yourself and you should be solid.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Heh.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
- Steven3.0
  
  8 years ago
  
  What a foolish, poor child you are! I bet you're IQ isn't 151.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  -3
  
  -3
  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    8 years ago
    
    Your*.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    3
    
    3
flyingnostalgia

8 years ago

I go to uni and i hate it. But i think once i,m finshed with my masters, i will stop doing anything and stay at home in my dark room with no lights, sleeping.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
CharoBoy

8 years ago

We here in SA fight and cry for university fees and getting in with reverse apartheid, and you quit uni? Stupid Typical American or a dumb kid with first world problems, make something of your life bro

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- RoyRogers
  
  8 years ago
  
  You know its really hard to get college in America too just for the record. College tends to be reserved for the straight A students, or kids with rich families. Everyone else is kind of excluded and told to go fuck themselves. Its kind of sad really. :/ Why I never went. My family cant pay and the goverment says they MUST! I agree this is a first world problem where people have the ability to bitch about tiny things that dont really matter and say "They got issues". Yet ironically they kind of force everyone to go. That is not every income bracket in America though. A lot of Americans still struggle to get to college. College is not the American way.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I'm sorry that's the situation in your country. And maybe you're right, maybe I am just a whiny, stupid, spoilt kid, complaining about everything. But I guess everything's subjective. Maybe if I'd grown up there, I would be harder and more willing to take on the world. Or maybe it would have gone the opposite way, and I would be homeless on the streets there right now.
  
  All I know, is that what I feel, feels real to me. Even if you can't understand it. I might not have any right to feel this way compared with problems other people around the world are facing, but I do, and I can't help that, and I'm doing everything I can to combat it. I don't /want/ to be like this.
  
  Apologies if my faults offend you.
  
  But beleive it or not, I'm trying. So please try to be constructive in your comments instead of effectively ripping me apart whilst I'm already down. Thanks.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Beep_Beep

8 years ago

Live in a basement and eat Cheetos. It will solve all your problems.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
noid

8 years ago

A good antidepressant could help you a lot with the anxiety. Maybe a therapist too.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Ellenna
  
  8 years ago
  
  If you know of any antidepressant which don't make most people who take them lethargic and apathetic with a low or non-existent libido I'd be interested to learn what they are.
  
  OP doesn't sound depressed to me, only directionless. Therapy's a good idea though
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - noid
    
    8 years ago
    
    Zoloft and Effexor XR were ok for me. I can't speak for others but some do well on antidepressants. Some don't. I had social anxiety and mild depression. The anxiety especially improved on them.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Ellenna
      
      8 years ago
      
      There are much safer ways of dealing with anxiety, for example meditation, rather than chemicals which have side effects and almost always withdrawal symptoms when coming off them.
      
      Did you try that and other things, eg exercise, before going for the chemicals?
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
thegypsysailor

8 years ago

And how do you believe quitting will help you get over your insecurities?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Ellenna
  
  8 years ago
  
  OP hasn't quit, h/she has deferred for a year
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - thegypsysailor
    
    8 years ago
    
    Isn't it considered correct to face one's fear and work through them rather than not? What do you think the OP's chances of returning to school actually are, now? I'd guess pretty low, on average.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Ellenna
      
      8 years ago
      
      I don't get the use of the term "correct" in this context but many people defer their education for lots of reasons, in my circles usually financial: some return, some don't and some have good lives regardless and others not.
      
      Universities and colleges in Australia are now degree/diploma factories churning out graduates who to a pretty large extent are unemployable because tutors are instructed to pass everyone regardless of the standard of their work, which is why we have supposedly qualified people who can't speak or write comprehensible english.
      
      By and large, the students who will later do well are those who don't fall for the snob appeal of a university education and opt for trade school and apprenticeships because they'll always be able to find work in a practical trade.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - thegypsysailor
        
        8 years ago
        
        I don't really think my point was so much about education, but overcoming one's fears by working through them, not giving into them.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
      - Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        I don't know exactly what it's like in other places, but I am in the UK, and over here, a degree is good to have because it shows you are dedicated and for the most part literate. Even if you don't go into your chosen field, a degree is like an automatic stepladder into a higher role, and can automatically put you on a higher pay compared with someone with the same skill-level, but no degree.
        
        That said, it's getting the job in the first place that's so hard. There's way too many people with degrees nowadays and the job market doesn't really care for them because they're I'm abundance!
        
        In the field I've been studying, it's your portfolio that's most important. Your portfolio will decide whether you get the job or not. A degree will decide if you get to start the job on a higher pay roll automatically, or have to work your way up.
        
        So yeah. I mean sure a degree seems like a sensible thing to work towards. But from what I figure, it's not the end of the world so long as your field of study involves plenty of practical work, and you have the raw talent and can-do attitude there.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  it's mostly to stop my insecurities getting so overwhelming that I end up doing something stupid, really. But I'm hoping that by giving myself a break, and a more calm, less-pressure environment, (which having been in education all my life I've not had before) I will be able to work on my insecurities at my own pace.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Ellenna
    
    8 years ago
    
    I think deferring was a good idea, but you need to get a plan in place for exactly how you are gong to work on these securities, otherwise you may find yourself still drifting at the end of the deferral year. Are you eligible for any student counselling?
    
    I'd suggest Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and meditation
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Yeah I'm a little worried about that. I really don't want to end up just completely wasting this year.
      
      I'm on the waiting list for a place in town where they deal with 16-24 year olds to do with similar kind of stuff. So I'll see where that leads.
      
      I'm also hoping that getting a job may help make me more adapt to social situations / being more hardskinned and independent.
      
      I guess I'm just concerned nothing will work. And I'll end up hating uni AND hating the real world. Completely hating life, basically. They I'll REALLY be directionless. I just want to be I'm a place where I feel content, not constantly on edge.
      
      And you're right, I'm not depressed. Ive been there before and know for a fact that's not what this is right now.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - Ellenna
        
        8 years ago
        
        This mightn't work for you but it has for me and others: at least once a day either write down or say out loud all the good things you have in your life and say thank you for each one. It can be a simple as being grateful you're not being bombed, that you have a roof over your head and clean water to drink ....
        
        A book I can recommend is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Ivor Frankl: if someone can come out of a Nazi concentration camp and having lost all his family with an optimistic theory of how we can change for the better, you have to take him seriously! His approach is basically that we all need meaning in our lives and that we all have one choice that no-one can take away from us, how we choose to respond to any set of circumstances.
        
        Good luck, don't despair, don't waste your only life
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        Anonymous Post Author
        
        8 years ago
        
        I do try to do that already when I remember to, but I'll try making more an an effort with it and maybe it will help.
        
        I'll definitely check out that book, too! Sounds really interesting and actually quite up my street.
        
        Thank you. :)
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        See More Comments =>
Terence_the_viking

8 years ago

The right thing to do is not universal.

Do you want to kick the shit out of yourself before facing life?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Sorry, but what do you mean by that?
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - Terence_the_viking
    
    8 years ago
    
    Go back to uni then you may understand what i mean.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
Steven3.0

8 years ago

How could you quit university, you ignorant prole child?! I started university at SIXTEEN when I had just bought a new BMW and studied medicine! You are a foolish prole.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
KingTermite

8 years ago

tl;dr.

Quit if you want, who cares? It's your life, if throwing it in the dustbin is okay with you, then it's sure okay with me.

Comment Hidden ( show )

-5

-5
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  'Who cares?'
  
  Interesting. For quite a shallow, probably hardly thought out comment, you actually make quite a good point.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0

Are You Normal?

Is it normal that i quit university?