Is it normal that i've constantly dreamed of a high school crush since marriage

54% Normal
2 Comments

So, in my younger years I had a crush on a girl I grew up. I crushed since about the second or third grade. She was pretty and sweet as she could be, but we lived in a rural Georgia town and her parents were against us going out because she was white and I was black. They straight up told her no when she asked. All in all, she was still a close friend growing up and another close friend of mine ended up with her (he asked me if I was ok with them dating before he started... i wasn't but I wasn't the type to cock block either). After they got married they moved to NYC for his career and nobody, literally family, old friends, anyone, has been able to contact them since. They basically started over.

Fast forward about 10 years, I was 28, that high school girl was the last thing on my mind, and I proposed to my then girlfriend. We were engaged a year and we've been married a little over a year. Literally 85-90% of my dreams at night since I got engaged have been about that girl from high school. Most of them have a romantic vibe to them. very few of them are sex dreams, but they drop in on occasion too. Driving me up the wall, because in real life, I couldn't care less about her for the past 10 years...Thought about her maybe once or twice, a year, if I ever went to visit home but that was it. Now it is nearly every night. (Also my wife is rarely in my dreams...probably just the other 10-15%.) I know I love my wife and that I didn't make a mistake (although the in-laws occasionally make me wonder, lol) But seriously, is this dreaming thing normal? it's so frustrating, but I can't find a way to stop it.

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54% Normal
Based on 35 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • Dad
    9 years ago

    You can dream about anything - normally. So that part is no bounds and obviously ok.

    This 'friend' of yours you dream romantically about is not real :(
    She was your friend, and even if she stayed near you, she would still be a very close loving friend (I suspect).

    What I think is you never finalized or said goodbye to someone you loved dearly. This happens to basically all of us at sometime in our lives. For you I would suggest to contact her (social media? family?) and just 'catch up' online or something.

    The way your friend was when you were both young is part of your fondest memories, don't ruin it by pretending she is the same now. You had something with her I'm sure even she treasures, now its just a memory. Sad and beautiful - bittersweet.

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  • (s)aint
    9 years ago

    What "Dad" says is true. I dream a lot about people that I never had a real closure with. I think it´s important to get closure but I also understand why one would want to keep their distance.

    an example; I spend about 2 years dreaming about how I caught up with my old best friend and how everything was back to normal again because she and I never got a real closure and I often wondered about what would happen if I just contacted her again- Maybe she had changed for the better.
    So one day I just meet her again, we had applied to the same school and guess what she had changed- For the worse.
    Ever since then and ever since I talked to her about old times and saw for myself that I did not want this person in my life any more the dreams stopped.
    I might have had maybe one-two dreams about her these past three years since we last met and talked.
    Now we say hello when we meet each-other in Town but that's about it and I no longer wish to repair what we had.

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