Is it normal that i want to permanently deny sex to my husband?

9% Normal

A few years ago, I got pregnant from a guy that I loved. He married me. But after the wedding, I was surprised that I felt "used" every time we had sex. I have cut back to only having sex with him once a month, but I still hate it. To make it better, I used to fantasize about women during sex, but that doesn't work anymore.

My mother says to only fuck him twice a year. Then, he will be more docile and compliant. Is this normal?

Voting Results

9% Normal

Based on 196 votes (17 yes)

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Comments ( 88 )

robbieforgotpw

9 years ago | pl

What a great marriage. I'd be alone before settling for a sexless marriage

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Crvsades

9 years ago | pl

Fucking him twice a year will not make him more docile. It will most likely make him divorce you. But then again he doesn't seem that intelligent. No smart, responsible man marries these days...
And it seems like, from what you said, that you hate sex with him. Sex is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Doesn't really work without it.
Do him a favor and divorce him. He deserves somebody who's genuinely into him. Not some lesbian in denial.

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purpletrain

9 years ago | pl

I've just read through this post and your comments and speaking woman to woman, you, OP, sound awful. You say this man loves you but you only married him because you wouldn't have to worry about cheating and you're on here shit talking the man who loves you when he appears to have done nothing to deserve it. You're worried about him cheating yet you actively thought of other people during sex which isn't exactly being faithful. Plus you're cutting sex down to twice a year for no real reason. But you don't want him to cheat? Situations like this are part of the reason hookers are still in business. You say you feel used during sex yet you literally picked this guy for your own selfish reasons, not because you love him. This is all so hypocritical in so many ways. When two people get married, sex is generally part of the deal unless stated otherwise from the beginning. If he's being manipulative or aggressive about it, this would make more sense but you haven't said that. Withholding sex isn't going to make anyone docile or compliant and why would you want him to be like that? What kind of household are you running? I'm sure he could do much better and you clearly have some questions about your sexuality that you should probably explore. Divorce the poor guy and set him and yourself free.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I am exactly where I want to be - the mother of a happy family with a man that is a good father, and who understands team work and partnership to attain mutual goals.
  
  Yes, I know that hookers are in business because of these situations, but there are no hookers that accept money from scar-face men. It is laughable that a hooker would have that much compassion. Anyway, he has his porn magazines.
  
  Remember, I am his only chance at having a family as well.
  
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  - purpletrain
    
    9 years ago
    
    Not that it really matters, most hookers aren't that picky. If you've got the cash they won't care. They've seen it all. I seriously doubt his scars are that bad, but even if they are, you are not his only chance at a family. There are billions of women out there. Not all of them are as shallow as you. Some people love others for who they are, not what they look like. If this was your attempt to convince me that you aren't as awful as your original post came across, you've failed. Like I said originally, divorce the poor guy.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Why wreck a happy family?
      
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      - purpletrain
        
        9 years ago
        
        It doesn't sound very happy. Kids are better off with divorced parents who are able to go on to happier relationships than parents who are only together because it's convenient.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        Just because you want to have sex everyday doesn't mean those women who don't are unhappy. Because of my husband's appearance, this will be his only relationship. I am quite satisfied having sex twice a year.
        
        Your advice shows that you simply cannot think past your own situation.
        
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DoctorAngelDust

9 years ago

You guys need to see a marriage counselor. If you're feeling used by him, I can guarantee you that it is not relating to sex. Being that you are able to control the sex, you are exercising some control over the relationship that you might be lacking in another aspect of the relationship. Your Mother's advice is only advocating that you ignore important issues. I've never seen a happy couple in which one or both partners made themselves so sexually unavailable.

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[Old Memory]

9 years ago | pl

It's normal.

...For a cunt.

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- Faceless
  
  9 years ago
  
  hahaha
  
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  - CoraCook
    
    9 years ago
    
    OH NOOOO! WE HAVE LOST FREEDOM OF LAUGH!!!
    
    I shall thumb you back up.
    
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    - [Old Memory]
      
      9 years ago
      
      Freedom of speech is only allowed if everyone agrees with it.
      
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      - CoraCook
        
        9 years ago
        
        Hehehehe buuuut freedom of laugh should also have an amendment then. Personally, I didn't find the comment he laughed at funny but I think he has the right to.
        
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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

What they fuck? Just get a divorce.

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howaminotmyself

9 years ago

Never use sex as a weapon against your partner. This never ends well.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  If it ends in separate bedrooms, all will be just as well. I have no objection sleeping with him provided that he stays on his half of the bed.
  
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thegypsysailor

9 years ago

Why not just give the poor bastard his freedom? Is it really necessary for you to force him to be as miserable as you are?
I'm sure you would be much happier without him, and I'm damned sure he could find a much better woman than you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  My happiness is all I'm concerned with. He will never find a better woman because he has severe facial scars. Part of the reason I liked his scars is that most girls won't mess with "damaged goods". Because of this, I don't have to worry about affairs.
  
  We can live together as brother and sister if I decide it is more virtuous. BTW, I am not miserable.
  
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  - Crμsades
    
    9 years ago | pl
    
    You exploited someones insecurities just to feed your own ego. That makes you a piece of shit. You married him because you thought no one is gonna take him away from you due to his scars. That proves you're even more insecure than him. I would want to see your facial expression when this guy, disfigured and hopeless as you perceive him to be, dumps you like a hot potato, leaving you butthurt and confused.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      It won't happen. As long as I take good care of our children, and take good care of his money, he knows that I'm the best deal he can get. I encourage him to be a good parent, and make sure our two sons have a strong attachment to him.
      
      He is not insecure, and I don't have much of an ego. I wanted a family - now I've got it. I am taking good care of everyone collectively.
      
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      - Crμsades
        
        9 years ago
        
        He would leave you if he would read your post & comments.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        Highly unlikely. If he did I would destroy everything. All our investments would go to lawyers, and he would never see our kids again. He knows this because I have told him it is what he can expect if he ever did try to leave.
        
        I also said that I would expect him to do the same to me if I ever tried to divorce him.
        
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    9 years ago
    
    I'm wondering why you are happy in this relationship? Are you asexual but want a marriage without sex?
    
    You are obviously liking your husband for the wrong reason and while you say you feel used it sounds like you are using him. I cannot tell exactly what your motives are but you make it sound like you want someone who supports you but you are asexual and feel like most guys wouldn't put up with that.
    
    His scars shouldn't matter and I hope he eventually realizes that. You should be supporting him instead of using that against him. That's a horrible thing to do. I had a girlfriend I was with for 4 years who also had facial scars and I did anything I could to make her feel better about it. It seemed half the time we went anywhere somebody would harass her about it which didn't help my already negative view of people. I did all I could to support her. She eventually broke up with me because I am not so easy to live with but we are still great friends.
    If you cannot be supportive of him you need to let him find somebody who is.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Your support for your scarred girlfriend was similar to my support for my husband. I encourage him to be a good father and show him affection in many non-sexual ways. Why is everyone so obsessed with sex?
      
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      - [Old Memory]
        
        9 years ago
        
        The difference is that you are denying him sex and making it sound like because of his scars he should put up with things other people wouldn't.
        
        I do think that you sound asexual. If he were too that would be fine, but some things you describe sound one sided.
        
        You talk about "destroying everything" if he leaves you and you talk down about him because of his scars.
        
        I never thought less of my girlfriends because of that and was still attracted to her. The way you describe that you perceive your husband is very different from how I felt.
        
        Scars are often a sign of bravery and strength and not something someone should be ashamed of or looked down on. You talk about it like it makes him less of a person and for that it saddens me that he would put up with that.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        You are saddened because you put your personal pride above others needs.
        
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  - fullhouse
    
    9 years ago
    
    Wow! Can u hear urself? Geez! Bless the lord for he has kept women like u away from me! 'Damaged goods' is a very good way to describe him as he's paired with other damaged goods
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      I do not think I am damaged. But whatever. Look at it this way. Two [damaged] but committed people are raising children that are very healthy and normal. The world will be a better place because of our joint cooperative efforts.
      
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      - fullhouse
        
        9 years ago
        
        Lol you think you're raising ur kids well by lying to them? You think when they grow up a little they'll realise how u actually feel about their father! Kids know! They're much smarter than we think. Do urself a favour actually try to see the goodness in him. He's ur husband, you'll b together for life! Might as well love his imperfections cuz they are unique. Just saying
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        I do. But sex with him or anyone just doesn't work.
        
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Outsider21

9 years ago

I feel bad for your husband but also I can see your perspective here too. It sounds like you don't like your husband and/or men in general but are really into women instead. This is actually totally normal in a way, but it obviously does mean that your a lesbian. Stop stringing this guy along because obviously your not ever going to be into this guy, or any guy for that matter because men simply aren't meant for you because your a lesbian. It's probably difficult to acknowledge even to yourself and maybe your still in denial of it, but you definitely are without a doubt a lesbian and should not subject this guy to being strung along because little did he know that you don't even like men. This is the problem with people who pretend to be straight in order to conform to society, it leads to messed up situations like this. He likes you, but your not into him because you are not into men

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  There is something you are missing. I do not want to touch other women because it is creepy. Other women do not want my husband to touch them because they think it's creepy. Our marriage avoids all this creepiness.
  
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Gspyder

9 years ago

You two absolutely need counseling. It sounds like the intimacy just isn't there. Giving up and just not having sex is the cop out option and things won't get better from there, instead I think you should go to counseling to work out whatever makes you feel used by him after sex. It's more work, but you'll both be happier

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Energy

9 years ago

Why don't you just divorce him and find a woman?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Women might be fun to think about, but they are creepy to touch in person.
  
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  - Energy
    
    9 years ago
    
    Aren't you a woman?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Yes. I am a woman.
      
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noid

9 years ago

No.

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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

Sounds like you have got some untapped issues. This seems like a plan that will only backfire for the both of you.

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- CoraCook
  
  9 years ago
  
  This comment sounds all kinds of innuendo-ish wrong!
  
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CreamPuffs

7 years ago

Iin that I want to permanently punch you in the face?

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Thorolf

8 years ago

Wow. I swear, he needs to leave you. You don't want sex, I understand, but that being the case you shouldn't have married him.

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Rusty-Rider

8 years ago

Get him a sheep and some rubber boots. He won't have to cut the grass anymore and you won't have to do that disgusting "sex" thing with him either.
Sheep are generally up for sex but if you get frigid one, you can eat it and get another.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  Well don't you just sound like Mr. Practicality? What would you do if you were him? What would you do if you were me?
  
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  - Rusty-Rider
    
    8 years ago
    
    If I were you, I would stop listening to your mother and drag him to a marriage councilor.
    If I was him, I would go.
    I think your problems run deeper than a chat board can untangle.
    I wish you good luck and all the best in the outcome.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      8 years ago
      
      Thank you. You actually thought about it for me. IIN needs more guys like you.
      
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Theexpandable1

9 years ago

Stop wasting his damn time..

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NormalIsAsNormalDoes

9 years ago

What I am most curious about is why you posted this in the first place? What do you hope to gain from this poll?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I wanted to know if my Mother's advice of having sex twice a year was a good idea. I had no idea that it would cause so much discord and disgust over nothing.
  
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  - NormalIsAsNormalDoes
    
    9 years ago
    
    Thanks for your answer. Do you mind if I ask what kind of culture you are accustomed to? This might include where you grew up, where you are living now? Are you religious? What is your occupation? I'm currently a student of psychology and I'm very interested in people. If you don't want to answer any of these, then I will not be offended.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      I am a catholic girl. My mother is a divorced closet lesbian. Everything else is mostly average.
      
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      - NormalIsAsNormalDoes
        
        9 years ago
        
        How old are you?
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        31
        
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LaBellesima

9 years ago

Your marriage sounds like a contract

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Aren't most successful marriages a contract?
  
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wistfulmaiden

9 years ago

If youre a lesbian who likes girls you should get a divorce and find a woman. he will cheat if you never have sex again.
btw were did you like men back when you got pregnant?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  It's a no-brainer. Women can't give you a family. With no family, a long term lesbian relationship would be very unfulfilling. This means that a woman must learn to tolerate men sexually to have children.
  
  Anyway, I want a happy family which means there are two involved parents that view their role as a partnership. I also don't think I am a true lesbian because touching women in real life feels creepy.
  
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  - Outsider21
    
    9 years ago
    
    Yes, but no. You might just still think it feels "creepy" because you have been culturally conditioned against it. You say you have to "tolerate" men sexually, no straight woman would say that they have to "tolerate" men. You obviously must be a lesbian if you do not like men and are into daydreaming a lot about women.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      I do not daydream about men, or women, or sex.
      
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      - Outsider21
        
        9 years ago
        
        I thought you said you would fantasize about women during sex which was what made me think you were probably a lesbian. I guess you just aren't really attracted to anybody but find women somehow slightly more tolerable
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        Exactly.
        
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  - wistfulmaiden
    
    9 years ago
    
    I see. Very confusing for you. I don't have any further advice.
    
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SEWnanist23

9 years ago

If You love Him enough then You let Him have His private time with his Rosy!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  It's fine if he has time with his porn magazines. His only other alternative is a blow-up doll. But, he doesn't like vinyl.
  
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  - SEWnanist23
    
    9 years ago
    
    I don't like Nylon Royal Union Flags but they're all I can find until I find a way to by Real "Sacred Cloth" I'm observing My British ethnicities. There's more to life than Sex, Identity!
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Masturbation is part of a healthy identity. I do it once every 6 weeks. So, get wanking and God save the queen.
      
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LIGHTHOUSE

9 years ago

If you are only used by him then try to use him now. Is he not taking the responsibility of you and your children. If no then dump him.

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- green_boogers
  
  9 years ago
  
  You sound like a dyke. A sleazy exploitative dyke that uses women's bodies and then throws their hearts in the trash.
  
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  - LIGHTHOUSE
    
    9 years ago
    
    No, its not like that.
    
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that i want to permanently deny sex to my husband?