Is it normal that my boyfriend has dreams about abusing me?

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10 Comments

The other day my boyfriend broke down to me and while we were having a conversation about dreams, and admitted to having dreams in which he was abusive towards me. Most of them involved physical abuse, although there were one or two where he was emotionally abusing me. In real life he is incredibly gentle, has never pushed me further or faster than I wanted to go, apologises constantly if he thinks he's upset me in any way, and hates hearing about any form of abuse. Because of this he's beginning to hate himself for hurting me in the dreams, and worse for finding it a turn on to hurt me when he's in the dreams. I want some way to help him and reassure him because he truly hates himself for it, but I can't find anything similar anywhere, so some advice would really be useful, thank you.

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Based on 30 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • regisphilbin
    9 years ago

    you have to be gentle with him and reassure him that everything will be all right.

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  • laxman209
    9 years ago

    Dreams are magical things. But abuse within them without real life abuse or frustrating is concerning, as dreams can be random, wishful fantasy, or desire. Take him boxing and fight him, push him to his limit to see if there is any hidden rage or personal trauma.

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  • Adelenatalie
    9 years ago

    oh dear.... Well at least he is actually I gentle soul in reality. Dreams are weird random shit sometimes. The more important thing is that he is actually caring in real life and doesn't abuse you in real life. gas he been watching voilent films a lot? Sometjmes dreams are a random mixture of what we are thinking of a lot.

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Is your boyfriend an abuse survivor himself? If one or both of his parents abused him or any of his siblings he could be suffering from PTSD.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Dreams often dont make sense. It is common for people to do things in their dreams that they would never want to do. I agree fears manifest in dreams. By the way I have killed many people in dreams who I would never wish bad upon in real life. Dreams often have a mind of their own.

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  • chained_rage
    9 years ago

    Women don't like guys like that. The type that apologises for every little thing. On and on and on and on.

    "I'm sorry if I upset you"

    "Are you mad? I'm sorry"

    "Sorry for spilling warm coffee on your face"

    Let him know that he should stop apologising. It's a turn off.
    You can't deny it. You would love it if he could be a jerk to you. Just once. A good jerk though

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    • CreamPuffs
      7 years ago

      There's no such thing as a good jerk.

      Apologizing isn't a turn off, but it can be annoying when someone says sorry too often.

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    • origamiaddict
      9 years ago

      I tell him all the time, to the point where its become a running joke. I just meant he worries about upsetting me, and then has these dreams, they just don't match up.

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      • chained_rage
        9 years ago

        His 'fears' of upsetting you are manifesting in his dreams.
        I think.
        I'm not sure.
        I'm gonna go sleep now, good night

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        • origamiaddict
          9 years ago

          That makes a lot of sense actually. Good night, thanks for your help

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