Is it normal that my dad won't listen to me when it comes to him hoarding

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8 Comments

Hello everyone. So I'm 19 and still living with my parents because I go to a college near their the house I live in. I have a job and everything and plan on moving out this October. I love my dad but we constantly fight about petty things. So ever since my dad got out of the military, he has the early signs of hoarding. Most of the closets in our house are full with my fathers junk. My parents still haven't came up with an agreement to throw away things because my father keeps saying he's going to throw away some of his junk but he never does. When ever my fathers at work he gets paranoid. He calls my mom 15 times average everyday. When ever he comes home he goes throw the trash can. When ever me or my mother throw away OUR stuff it always ends up in the garage. He hoards things from 10 years ago such as old phone numbers, military clothing that he is never going to wear again etc. When I had sleepovers, they would never come back due to how junkie our house is. My parents fight sometimes over this and me and my fathers relationship is corrupted because of this. He just pushes us to the side and me and my mother are fed up. HELP

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44% Normal
Based on 18 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • CountessDouche
    8 years ago

    This is a difficult situation, because the same institution that caused his trauma also instills an aversion to seeking help...I mean the military pounds certain things into your head...pride, self sufficiency, a denial of weakness, the suppression of your breaking point, and to be honest, this type of attitude serves it's purpose in combat, but it can be incredibly damaging later.

    It must be so hard for him to admit that he needs help.

    I'm no doctor, but if I was in your shoes, I would reach out to a local veterans group. I would find someone who has been through something similar and might be willing to help talk to your dad...maybe one on one; someone who's been in the same shoes; theres a camaraderie in shared experiences and traumas.

    I think he might be more open to hearing from someone who's been through something similar, as opposed to being forced to see a doctor and treated as if he has an illness.

    I feel for you; it can be so hearbreaking to deal with a family member who has a mental illness when they don't want help. I think you should do whatever you can, but if you can't do anything, you also need to come to terms with that, and accept the fact that you can't fix everything. If you've done all you can, you shouldn't feel guilty.

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    You can't change him, so if I were you I'd try & learn some detachment. His hoarding isn't actually hurting you, although I'm sure it's hard to live with.

    This is a mental health issue so there's really no point in being angry with him about it.

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  • NeofelisNebulosa
    8 years ago

    I have heard of some old soldiers doing this. Sometimes they just can't let go of their past. I think the best course of action would be to seek professional help, but I doubt your father will even admit he has a problem.

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Not just old soldiers do this

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    • UserNameP
      8 years ago

      That's the problem he won't ever admit to his problem! When ever he brings the out the subject about junk he shuts us out. My mother has really given up and doesn't even bother to even try.

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    I once saw an episode of that Hoarders: Buried Alive show where this old hag had "collected" so many baby dolls that the pile in the backyard was nearly as big as the house. I wanted to torch those creepy dolls!

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  • GiveMeAFuckingNameAlready!
    8 years ago

    Yard sale. The farms in trouble and only your fathers old junk can save you.

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  • noid
    8 years ago

    Yes it's normal for hoarders not to listen to people who want them to stop.

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