Is it normal that my mom taught me this as a kid?

I think your mother wants you to be able to protect, and stand up for yourself.

Hell yeah. I was always told “don’t start it, but you better finish it” and then we’d be treated to doughnuts. lol. Never had to worry about it though. No one ever messed with me.

No way that's normal.

That’s how arguments escalate into murder. Your mother was uncivilized.

My mom told me never to throw the first punch but if they did, I should end the fight by hitting back harder. But the only fights I've been in, I did throw the first (and only) punch because they were coming at me and I got scared. Anyway, I think it's normal for your mom to tell you to defend yourself but if you're able to avoid the situation all together or walk away after they hit you, you'll probably be better off. They'd get in trouble for fighting and you won't

You always have the right to defend yourself, but I dont think its right to always hit harder. There is a difference between hitting someone playfully or hitting someone to actually attack them. You only hit hard if you actually see them as a threat. By the way, I was even told that I should just attack someone if someone harassed me, I told them 3 times to stop and they still didn't stop by the third time.

Im not saying youre wrong, but my mother taught me to never hit anyone.

I was taught that while I could defend myself; to assess the situation first and ask what it will accomplish and are there better ways.

That did not stop me from inflicting life long permanent injuries on 2 of the bully gang when I went from being fairly small to the much taller and more muscular in a year. That group made one more attempt with an older member... and if someone had not stopped me I was going to throw him over the railing where he would have fallen 2 stories onto concrete stairs (major injury - possible death). He and that bully gang never tried to start a fight with me again. He knew that if others had not held onto him and pulled us apart that he would have gone over that railing. In 7th grade I was now a better fighter and stronger than the bullies.

In most cases after that I found other solutions.

But, it was not my last physical fight in my life. There was 1 more when I was in the Navy. That did not go so well for that person either, although he was able to walk away at the end under his own power.

After that I always found other ways to end things when physically challened... But that did not mean I'm not prepared and watchful (seeing things develop ahead of time allows you to divert the situation).

It wasn't a fight... but, it was an interesting situation. In my late 40's I was sitting in a line for a business conference in Portland Oregon one summer (we would line up hours before the doors opened to get the best seats). I got into a discussion with the person sitting in front of me. I don't recall his profession but he had something like a 7th degree Black Belt in one of the martial arts.

We got into the discussion about how most people misunderstood the concept of a dangerous weapon - that it really was about being a dangerous person.

Then he made a comment that it was clear that I was a dangerous person because of the way I watched and the way I tensed up in certain situations (even sitting on the ground).

His comment was "I don't know what you know or can do, but it's obvious you know and can do something; and I would not fight a person like you unless it was self defense or defense of my family." I told him that the same was obviously true about him and said something to the effect that if we faught at least one of use would likely be injured (as in seriously injured). He responded that was true. Now neither of us knew if it would be ourselves or the other, or both, that got such injuries. There's just no reason to find out. We both have skills and were working on maintaining or improving them. That's all that has to be said. We then changed the conversation to something else; and we both had a great weekend at that conference.

Now an aspect of the non-physical. I had a death treat against me as I was the Plant Superintendent once of a plant that was being closed (which I had no control over), and was actually stalked for some years by that employee and then ex-employee after we all lost our jobs (death threat verified by the police; but, before the laws existed that allowed them to take his guns away temporarily).

This would have been a gun fight. I prepared myself well for that and trained for years. I'm still fairly alert and do own a number of guns. My wife can shoot too...

I've avoided having a gun fight now for over 3 decades. That takes paying attention too.

Yes thats the way it should be if my kids are being bullied in school they have full permission to hit someone back. But if I find out they're being the bully they will get in trouble. I dont think telling kids to never hit back is realistic. Youre teaching them to be a victim.