Is it normal that this email makes you run a mile?

69% Normal
4 Comments

I have an eating disorder and am fighting my way back to a semi normal life with moving out to my own place for the first time, starting a new job, a new treatment program for ED and trying to find a way out of my depression now the antidepressants have started to help a little.

However, this week I have met a brand new challenge and I don't have the resources to know what to do about it on my own anymore and need some advice. At the pool/gym I go to every morning (i have problems with excessive exercise) there's a guy who started coming about 4 months ago. He used to be morbidly obese, now exercises for about 4 hours a day and to me he is now underweight. Anyway this week he has asked me for my number, suggested we go for lunch, even ask if I'm doing anything after my swim. He is a really nice guy, good looking and I think would be very understanding but I am so freaked out. I have social anxiety and have never been approached by a guy before, never been on a date. I'm 28 and I've never done anything, and I mean, anything. It would be difficult enough if I was feeling well without the added complication of my depression and the ED stuff being bad at the moment and against the background of his relentless exercising and eating habits (which ring there own ED alarms bells byt). I have been making excuses all week and finally asked if he was on face book as a compromise so i could email.

I'm scared it'll sound stupid as so often I loose a sense of what sounds normal to other people. Please could people read below and see what you think.

"Hey

Just wanted to drop you a line to explain a little. I haven't given you my number because, as I'm sure you'll have noticed, I'm crap with words at the best of times, stick a phone to my mouth and I'm virtually mute. I'm chickening out and writing instead, hope you don't mind.

M has said you've told her your friends can't keep up with your exercise/eating habits, which I can sympathise with. However, if you're thinking I could, I should tell you I haven't been entirely truthful about everything (although, that goes no further please). I don't want to go into details but just to say I'm dealing with a lot of issues at the moment, some more successfully than others. This is another reason why I don't have a lot of spare time and I think it would also, probably, make our lifestyles fairly incompatible.

That said, if you don't mind meeting up with a borderline nut job for coffee once in a while I'd be happy to go for coffee after our swim occasionally or when I'm over your way. Wont be offended at all though if you'd rather not, will leave it with you.

See you soon"

I know I should feel flattered by his attention but I can't help but think he is only forcing himself to be interested in me because he thinks I'm the only person he'll meet who can keep up with his exercise routine.

X

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 26 votes (18 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 4 )
  • XxMrWoottonxX
    12 years ago

    Go for it. Dating gets easier with practice. (this comes from someone also suffering from social anxiety.)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • MissClaire
    12 years ago

    I think that by going out for coffee with him might be the first step to combat your social anxiety? I would try it, you can tell where it's going pretty early on…. If you’re feeling uncomfortable just explain that you’re dealing with things that you don’t expect him to understand, but you know that this will only exacerbate your problems and counteract everything that you have worked so hard for.
    He may have some social anxiety as well. He also may be fighting the urge of an ED as you suspect. You may be able to heal from eachother ** Best case scenerio.

    Just be safe, and be happy!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • shade_ilmaendu
    12 years ago

    He's probably just saying that as an excuse to spend more time with you. Asking you out for coffee is a good sign. :p I'd say go for it if you like this guy and think he may feel the same... Maybe it'll be what you both need, or maybe not, but you'll never know if you don't try :)

    It sounds like you're just starting to find your way out of some rough shit... I know how you feel; I'm fighting though a lot myself right now. It may seem impossible, but there's always something to do, someone who knows how you feel, some way to make things better. You sound like a good person, and strong, and I hope life brings many good things your way. You can email me if you ever need someone to talk to.

    [email protected]

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Tisgranum
      12 years ago

      Not sure but I think she wrote that e-mail to him and not the other way around.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0