Is it normal to be sick of girls who expect guys to take care of them?

85% Normal

Before you sling shade my way for "sexism," I'm a girl myself. I'm getting back from a party where there were roughly two girls for every guy there. Some of us headed out onto the beach to chat. This girl turns to a guy and asks, "Are you gay?" He asks her why she asked that and she goes on and on about how he didn't hold doors for her, he didn't ask if she wanted a beer when he went back inside to get himself one, and he hasn't been returning her flirtation. I could barely keep my mouth shut. I mean, so a girl doesn't have to drool over a guy JUST because he wants to be with her--he's supposed to suck it up and crank one out in the privacy of his dorm room. But if a chick hits on a guy and the guy doesn't drop everything he's doing to satisfy her, then he's gay? WTF kind of reasoning is that, and why am I coming upon it so damn often online and in person?

Worse, even in uber-liberal Boston with more college students per capita than anywhere else in the USA, most girls I meet EXPECT the chivalry crap from guys: doors held open, to be "protected" even when it means the guy's at risk for some crap the girl started, to have the dude pay for movies and other outings... And you guys PUT UP WITH THIS? Hey, when you get married and your girl treats you like a walking ATM, don't act all surprised.

Voting Results

85% Normal

Based on 75 votes (64 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 42 )

RoseIsabella

7 years ago

I'm a Southern woman who can most certainly appreciate a chivalrous gentleman, but to be completely honest this girl's entitled and presumptuous attitude towards this guy is what disgusts me here. Maybe he just wasn't into her? I don't care whether a person is male or female, straight or gay, but when someone exhibits an overly confident and presumptive air about her or himself it's a very ugly, and rude thing. When someone just assumes that the unfortunate object of their interest will and or should return that interest it's just simply vile and poor manners. Just because a person wants someone's attention doesn't mean that person deserves to have said person's attention. We're all unique and separate individuals born with our own God given free will to choose what we want or don't want.

That chick sounds like an awful bitch, I dunno what she looks like on the outside, but she sounds hella ugly on the inside. I think your feelings were spot on regarding the skanky bitch in question here, OP!

Comment Hidden ( show )

4

4
- bittermayonnaise
  
  7 years ago
  
  I like 'chubby Mid west beauties' that go to McDonalds for a 'Big Mac Sandwich' and an 'Orange Pop'.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - AB1234
    
    7 years ago
    
    O gawd--that was funny!
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
- The_Creep_is_here
  
  7 years ago
  
  With all due respect and appreciation of your good attitude and Southern charm, I can tell you that Northern girls as described are more common than mosquitoes. Northern guys are so routinely judged as gay by these girls that they don't even pay attention to it. These entitled little bitches respect nobody, and get no attention in return.
  
  Cold weather, cold manners, and cold independence. It's the New England way.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - AB1234
    
    7 years ago
    
    Hey, West Coast chick here. I gotta agree with you. Both Cal and now Boston--girls feel like simply 'cause they were born with 2 x-chromosomes they're entitled to have men grovel at their feet.
    
    I even see girls upset at guys regularly hitting them, and everybody just laughs. What the hell's so funny about a girl kicking a guy in his private? If a dude even yells at a girl he's an abuser, but girls can scratch, kick, and punch guys with impunity?
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
    - The_Creep_is_here
      
      7 years ago
      
      I think I like you already; California girls are the best. I know that high tech jobs pay big salaries in Boston, but hopefully you will be able to return back home someday to the West Coast and play volleyball on the beach.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - AB1234
        
        7 years ago
        
        ;)
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
    - RoseIsabella
      
      7 years ago
      
      I don't go around hitting other people, but I also would never put up with anyone ever hitting me. Lying, cheating, stealing and abuse are all causes for me to dump someone like the steaming pile of poo such a person would, of course, be.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    Wow!
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
- AB1234
  
  7 years ago
  
  "when someone exhibits an overly confident and presumptive air about her or himself it's a very ugly, and rude thing." AMEN!!!!!!!
  
  She was your typical platinum blonde West Coast ditz from a super rich family attending a small, private Boston college, spending more time searching for a future husband than anything else. You're absolutely right. "Vile and poor manners."
  
  I don't get it, though. When I was in high school I didn't see NEARLY as much of this as I have since starting college. What happened to all the equality I read about?
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - wigz
    
    7 years ago
    
    What's the difference between a woman flaunting her body and a man flashing cash then? One's got what the other wants and they both know it.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    Yeah, her priorities are most likely all screwed up.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
bittermayonnaise

7 years ago

yes, I want to be a house husband.

Comment Hidden ( show )

3

3
- AB1234
  
  7 years ago
  
  I dunno what to say to that. I guess, "best of luck to you." Universe knows women have been exploiting men financially since time immemorial.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
Thorolf

7 years ago

It's the result of modern feminism. Sure, women don't have to worry about gender roles anymore. And that's a good thing! But men are still expected to stay within our gender roles. Not so good. That's why I'm an egalitarian.

I do hope things will change for the better. It's not as bad as it used to be, at least. There are some girls who aren't like that.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- AB1234
  
  7 years ago
  
  Hey, that's a great point! As a woman I can act any way I want. But I just read an article online today about how there's this masculinity-archetype guys--all guys--are expected to live up to. A masculine woman is just tough, capable. But an effeminate guy?? Bait for ridicule.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
alysonharris88

7 years ago

I think woman should be self sufficient depending on men will only dam our future generations

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
NeuroNeptunian

7 years ago

It always puts me in an awkward position when I buy a new pair of jeans or other new clothes and a guy notices it and asks if my boyfriend bought it for me. They'll react with shock when I tell them I bought them and I'll have to argue with them about why I don't need my boyfriend to buy me clothes. Often enough, I hear from men rather than women that men are supposed to take care of women. It's pretty rare that I get the same reactions from women.

I'm not saying that women don't enforce this mentality, I'm just saying that they aren't the only ones.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- AB1234
  
  7 years ago
  
  I agree with you. It's, sadly, cultural. It's high time to change this crap. And guys should get that true equality benefits them as much as us.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
- wigz
  
  7 years ago
  
  Those guys are phrasing it that way to ask, without directly asking, 'do you have a boyfriend?'.
  
  Possible responses:
  
  -'I don't have a boyfriend' (proceed to ask you out)
  
  -'No, he didn't' (ok, she has a boyfriend so go to step 2 and trash him by saying he is a bad provider and how much more I'd do for her, maybe she'll fall for it and fuck/go out with me)
  
  -'Why yes, he did!' (either stop here or talk about how much more I'd buy you)
  
  -'No, my girlfriend did' (boiooiooing threesome!)
  
  They don't really intend on buying you stuff, they're just trying to get in.
  
  So just think of a really disarming response, something they'd never expect and can't turn into a springboard to asking you out. Like, 'Thanks for noticing but they're not actually new, the police finally finished testing my rape kit and I just got them back'. Now it's awkward for them!
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - NeuroNeptunian
    
    7 years ago
    
    I might actually use that one.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
Tempest-au

7 years ago

Leaving aside the basic chivalry of opening doors for a woman etc, 30 years ago, if a man took a woman out for the evening, paid for the restaurant, bought her drinks at a nightclub, etc without the woman even offering to split the bill(s), there was an "unspoken rule" that he was going to get laid. These days, a woman expects all this just for the pleasure of her company, and any man who doesn't pay up or expects "a little something" at the end of the evening is regarded as a chauvinist pig.

Is it any wonder why men are less "gentlemanly" these days - if you are going to fork out a couple of hundred dollars for an evening and you are not even allowed to "expect" anything in return, you might as well go get a hooker. At least you get something in return for your money.

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- matthewkoehler
  
  7 years ago
  
  I'm sorry but any man who expects to get sex for treating a woman right is a shallow jerk. A woman is under no circumstances obliged to give free sex, and if you disagree that makes you a sexist and misogynist.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  2
  
  2
  - Tempest-au
    
    7 years ago | pl
    
    And no woman should feel a man should pay for her just because she is a woman. If believing such makes me sexist and misogynist, then so be it.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    6
    
    6
    - AB1234
      
      7 years ago
      
      I'm a chick & I say to you: "AMEN, brutha!!"
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
    - Fatty_McJiggles
      
      7 years ago
      
      "Modern" women expect traditional ideas when it suits them (i.e. men paying for the meal, opening doors etc) and "equal" treatment when it doesn't (i.e. when at work) None of which makes sense.
      
      How are men to discern what women actually want, when they actually want it? It's an impossible task.
      
      FYI guys who treat women like shit still get laid today. That is very telling.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - Kookulainamus
        
        7 years ago
        
        Telling indeed. Jerks that are cocky and funny can make vaginas wet on demand. Primal neurological wiring seems too resistant to change even for the most ardent feminists.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        2
        
        2
        
        -
        
        AB1234
        
        7 years ago
        
        Mouth agape..... :)
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
  - AB1234
    
    7 years ago
    
    That sounds like the PC expected reply. I'm not sure it's in fitting with the way humans work, as exemplified by the moral (a-)content in your "treating a woman right" phrase. I don't advocate expecting someone to physically gratify you in exchange for a date, but this abhorrent sense of entitlement is often reciprocal, with it being socially acceptable for one party to exploit the other. If we're going to vilify people for expecting others to "put out," then we should equally demonize people for expecting a free meal--and to be pampered. Neither is any better or acceptable than the other.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1
  - KekReptilian
    
    7 years ago
    
    And here is a candidate for divorce rape.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
- AB1234
  
  7 years ago
  
  First of all, did you say "a couple of hundred dollars for an evening"???!!! Dude! I've spent, maybe, $50 out for like a night at the Hatch-shell for a concert, or like $30 for a nice dinner at The Grasshopper (1 N Beacon St, Allston, MA--PROPS!!), but $200? If someone--guy or girl--bought me dinner for $200, I'd polish them wherever they wanted. ;)
  
  OK, but seriously, you just brought up a very complex set of questions. I do know girls who use guys for free dinners and drinks, but they'd chew a dude out for expecting even JUST to be treated well while on a date. It's twisted. I don't know what the solution is, but I'm going to start calling girls on this behavior in public. I'm soooooo glad I'm not a guy 'cuase I'd get into a lot of trouble putting girls in their places.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
  - Tempest-au
    
    7 years ago
    
    In Australia, $100 a head for a decent meal isn't a lot, and if you take in cover charges, cab fares, and drinks at a nightclub afterwards, I've done $400 plus for a night out with a girl before (so $200 each, roughly)
    
    I'm a straight up kind of guy. I've taken women out "just as friends" when I've had some spare cash, and in that situation I've made it absolutely clear up front that the night was "no strings attached". I've also had women shout me out too, under the same principle. Of course, after a nice meal and a few drinks, sometimes we might forget about the "no strings", but that's just what happens when friends go out sometimes.
    
    I've also taken women out "with expectations", and if they offer to pay their share of the meal or whatever, then as far as I am concerned that's a pretty clear indication that my expectations are not going to happen, and at that point if I want to act all macho/noble and refuse, well that's my problem. What shits me is the situations you outline - where there is an expectation for a woman to get a free night out JUST because she is a woman. I've been caught out a few times by women who want a free night out, but never by the same woman twice. ;)
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - AB1234
      
      7 years ago
      
      I'm sure just about anywhere in the States you can spend at least $400 on dinner, too, but I'm just 19 and entering my junior year of college. $400 could buy a couple of textbooks or fund a trip to NYC to visit friends in school there, or my ticket back to San Diego to see family. What's that term from economics? Opportunity costs. So I have to be frugal with eating out.
      
      I wholly agree with you on the "free night out." I just don't get it at ALL. All I've heard about since I was 9 is how men and women are the same. How we should get paid the same--even though in all the really dangerous jobs I've researched, guys are shouldering more of the risk EVEN when women are already sharing the careers. How there shouldn't be any preferential treatment--even though even in 2016 when a girl hits a guy, it elicits laughter. WTF? But even if a smaller guy who's being harrassed by a bigger woman uses force to stop her, absolutely everyone comes down on him. And what IS up with chicks expecting to get free drinks and free admissions (to bars...) and free meals JUST because we're women? If we really care about equality, how about US taking guys out? Or US buying them drinks. Or US paying their cover charges, or for their meals?
      
      Equality. Yeah, right.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      1
      
      1
      - Tempest-au
        
        7 years ago
        
        Well, any woman who has hit me got a warning - "hit me again and I'll forget your a woman". With a couple of exceptions, they usually take one look at my face and realise I'm not joking, and grow a brain in a hurry.
        
        One of the exceptions was lucky she caught me in an exceptionally forgiving mood - I grabbed her wrist as she went to hit me again, swept her feet out from underneath her with my leg, then knelt next to her with my fist ready to clobber her and said "I mean it!". The other, well I only hit her once. That was enough.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
Boner_Face

7 years ago

Unfortunately, this is often the case with the "modern" woman. Women's liberation and the equality movement have done more damage to coed relationships than most people understand. That's usually the case with most liberal ideas though, they look great on paper, but have no practical use.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- AB1234
  
  7 years ago
  
  If you've read my comments, you know I'm sympathetic to guys who're outraged over the unfairness a lot of men experience SIMPLY because they're guys. I notice you got a lot of down-votes (not from me). It certainly reflects our cultural biases...
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
randomperson1000000

4 years ago

I think this world, or at least the modern-day Western part, is sexist against men in MANY ways, and one of these ways is by essentially treating men like slaves and women like goddesses. Let me be clear: I am no one's fucking slave. When people discriminate against me, I want to kill them.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
KekReptilian

7 years ago

Yes, let's have REAL equality, not the "all privileges no responsibilities - for women only" kind that feminists push for.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- KekReptilian
  
  7 years ago
  
  And guys should REFUSE to TOLERATE the sort of behaviors and the entitled attitudes that fuel them that the OP describes in her post.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
wigz

7 years ago

I see what you're saying but honestly...

'he didn't hold doors for her, he didn't ask if she wanted a beer when he went back inside to get himself one'

...that's plain rude and inconsiderate behavior. Who lets doors slam on people? Who doesn't offer (or go ahead and grab) more beers if they are headed that way?

Of course after behaving like that people will have a more negative opinion of you and may go to extremes like thinking you have some sort of issue.

Put it in a different context. Say somebody cuts you off in traffic or steals your parking space. There's a good chance they are simply an unobservant clod or made a one-off mistake but you don't think that. You think they are a fucking asshole. You'd probably judge them harshly and speak negatively of them.

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- AB1234
  
  7 years ago
  
  I was present. He didn't "let the door slam on" her. He treated her like everyone else, meaning that if he were in front of her, he'd open the door and hold it behind him for the person behind him to grab. She expected him to rush to the front of the line and hold the door FOR HER specifically just because she liked him. And why should he ask HER if she wants a beer when there are 12 of us sitting around the bonfire? Should he have asked everyone what we wanted and then waded back with 12 different bottles? The kid's not getting paid to be our waiter.
  
  Besides, if what he did was rude, then what girls like me do (same thing) is just as rude--to each other and to guys. Equal is equal. Girls shouldn't get treated special just because we have a vagina.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - wigz
    
    7 years ago
    
    So the girl wanted him to wait for her at the door? Unreasonable! And wow, that's so hard for a guy to do and costs so much money and time. So she felt a bit slighted after he rejected her...wow, weird! You know, for all the guys who bitch that women show no interest, don't flirt, don't make the first move, this guy should be raked over the coals. All the girl wanted was some reciprocation or a straight answer and she gets ignored. Can't even grab her a beer. Holding a door and grabbing a beer on your way are 2 of the easiest things to do that cost no money even. And like it's so strange to get miffed when you're rejected. Guys NEVER do that. They never kill women just for rejecting them. Never happens! You said in another post that you'd fuck a guy for a $200 dinner. What? So you hate bitches who expect a bit of common courtesy but you'll fuck any random dude who buys you food? It's unreasonable to want some flirt back but it's totally reasonable for a man to EXPECT and receive sex for a $200 meal? Get it together.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    1
    
    1

Are You Normal?

Is it normal to be sick of girls who expect guys to take care of them?