Is it normal to be this obsessive and paranoid over a crush
This’ll probably be a long post, but it’s something that dominated my thoughts for years, and it still crosses my mind from time to time, and I feel the need to let it out.
To put it simply, I’m currently 20 and graduated high school two years ago. As a teenager I believed in the concept of soul mates, and during that time I met a girl who I was almost certain was mine. She was like a manic pixie dream girl to me, even more so since she was the one always wanting to be around me, when most of my young life girls had been disgusted by me. But of course, it turned out she liked another guy, and throughout high school she dated multiple guys, but she was still friends with me. In fact, despite all the negative things I’ll inevitably talk about later in this post, for a time she really was a positive influence in my life, and helped keep me sane and have something to look forward to (talking to her). It’s hard to describe, but whenever I did get a chance to talk to her, I always left feeling happier for some reason. But this was about to change.
Fast forward to junior year, and we got our schedules, and I found out she shared no classes or lunch hours with me and I was devastated. In the same conversation she mentioned she was going to start driving, and for some reason it didn’t bother me at first, but later on the thought of driving started to really terrify me. For one thing, she’s somewhat short, and another, she was always energetic and childish, and she herself admitted she wasn’t very good at it. It didn’t help that my teachers never passed up a single opportunity to tell us how dangerous driving could be.
At some point I realized I really put her on a pedestal, and it made it all the worse when she said something I disagreed with or found personally insulting. I got increasingly intimidated by her. Not only could she drive but she eventually got a job, and seemed so confident and ahead of me. Of course, I have no problem with someone doing these things in general, but it just kept reminding me of how little I accomplished and just for some reason hated the fact she could do things that I couldn’t.
I’m only telling you the bare minimum of this. There’s a lot more detail but I don’t want to make this any longer than it needs to be. But like I said, even though it’s been two years since I’ve seen her and we’ve moved on with our lives, I still think about her from time to time, hoping that she’s ok, and that I can hopefully find someone with similar characteristics.