Is it normal to believe that apple employees are minions of satan?

I went to the Apple store about a month ago. I wanted replacement Ear-Pods, because the left "pod" had stopped working. I spoke to an Apple employee, and I suddenly felt a strange shaking feeling. The employee began laughing manically and the floor split in two so I fell down the chasm created.

I ended up in hell, where Satan told me that iPhones are taking over the world and they will soon become sentient. He cackled and continued to explain how all Apple's profits are being sent down to him, so he has enough money to build a ladder so he can get up to heaven.

I've just stabbed an Apple employee and I am posting this from a store which sells Android-only phones. iPhones need destroying before they destroy us all!

Have you not noticed the colour of Apple employee's eyes? If you look closely, they are red and they all have "666" stamped on their foreheads.

I know that Satan and his minions are now going to come and kidnap me, but I am prepared to become a martyr for the rest of humanity.

Have any of you noticed the Satanic features of Apple employees?

Is this normal?