Is it normal to have attachment style 'fearful avoidant' like me

I met a guy this year who is perfect matching for me. Last week he asked me how I feel about him now we have dated for months and if I wanna take things to the next step and I said no.
I think that he is too attached to his parents and that he is too polite, scared of confrontation and innocent/naive/clingy.
I feel lucky to have him and then depressed like I hate him and he disgusts me. I wont dump him because I might regret it.
I hate that he wants to know everything about me and he wants to be supportive. It made me angry because im not weak.
Typically I fall in love with men who are reserved, free spirits hard to tie down and who can take care of themselves. I admire that.
I crave emotional intimacy and longterm commitment very badly but its complicated because I never open myself up to anyone and when someone gets too close I feel dislike and withdraw. I lost good potential relationships because of this and I regret it deeply. I am not attracted to this guy like I was to those men I lost but who knows what can happen if I make myself try harder..

None of my previous relationship had emotional intimacy.
Ive loved my ex most of all and we still stay in touch but our relationship was surface level and toxic. I did rarely attempt vunerability with him and he'd make fun of me for it if I did or get angry because he doesnt like to get too close either. He could be vunerable but only when it suited him. I didnt mind much.
It awakens in me a desire because its a challenge. I succeeded with my ex and it still makes me feel good, years later. I was clingy on him then I became avoidant as usual once he had let me in. Thats how the cycle always goes. Then he became clingy and broke up with me eventually for being too distant but we kept hanging out. Then I pined for his love again and he rejected me. Then it kept going like that back and forth.
Its very hard to make anything last. Even sex is too much attachment. I need to be in control, but if someone lets me be I get bored. I have constantly contradicting emotions.
I dont know if there is hope for me. The best relationship ive ever had in my opinion was with my ex yet I know its a bad one.