Is it normal to have police phobia?
I have a extreme phobia of the police. I haven't done anything wrong, but I believe that certain situations of my life helped to cause this fear.
When I was a younger my family made me paranoid about them. They told me that they bugged homes and I had to be careful with what I said and that our home could've even been bugged. My grandmother made it even worse. Once we were going in a store and there was a police officer. We started to talk to him and he was really nice. I asked my grandmother if he had a gun and she insisted that I asked him. I did and he said that it was only for bad guys. Then, my grandmother said that's why I better be good or else they would shoot me and that it didn't matter if I was a little kid or not. I started to cry and became afraid of the officer. He became furious with her and told her not to say those things. He tried to make me feel better, but I don't think it really worked and she told him that she was "joking".
Another occasion, we went to the police station for something and I asked my grandmother if they kept prisoners there. She told me to ask the guy behind the desk. He said that it was usually overnight and not for extremely serious crimes. Then, she said that I better be good or I would be locked up. It made me very upset and the man tried to correct her.
Over the years, my fear started to progress. It was strange I was told to "love" the police and that people who didn't were "bad. Then, I began to see why people were so scared of them. It used to be that my heart would start beating when I saw them, but now my whole body will tense up until it starts to hurt. A few years ago, the police were called to my house. There were so many of them and they made me feel so small and weak. I saw them as giants and there were about five or six of them. They scared me and invaded my space by asking allot of personal questions. When, they left, I was shaken and felt violated. I didn't want to leave my house and when I did my neighbors would sometimes stop what they were doing and stare at me... I was afraid to talk in fear that the neighbors would someone how hear and call the police. Even harder, was that I had to see my friends at camp and I was forbidden to tell them anything. It was very traumatic and it instilled the increasing fear that I have today...
Is any of this normal?