Is it normal to not get listened to by psychologists

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In 2018 I got diagnosed with autism after my mother pushed for me to apply for getting tested specifically for that. Ive suspected BPD tho but ive never had risky behaviours or been impulsive so nah.
Ive had feelings of depression since I was 14 and ive had social anxiety since I was 9. Ive had exposure therapy for social anxiety and my anxiety has only gotten worse. Over time my depression has worsened to near constant feelings of guilt and the rest of the time emptiness. My brain doesnt process information anymore at least not in a way that evokes emotion. The one thing I do care about is how I am percieved by others since that is what social anxiety is triggered by. With other words all I experience on a day to day basis is obsession over my very unstable self image, trying to mind read people and then guilt the rest of the time. I am exhausted no matter what I do. I often feel not a part of my own body or the world. I'm so tired that everything is foggy and I do things on autopilot. I think ive always had a tendency to feel unreal because as a child I used to stare at myself in the mirror and wonder why I exist and question if its really me in the mirror.

Ive told psychologists about my depression and as a response I get "oh thats your autism !" It makes me feel invalidated. Im very good at reading people too. I know how to make people do what I want. Ive never related to those parts of autism that say you cant read people or you cant lie or whatever. It seems like I dont understand people because I dont speak to them but the reason I dont speak to them is I dont know how to unmask. Other kids thought I was weird and I had a tendency to get obsessed with 1 person (I still do) and it freaked others out because I was possessive over that person. I stopped talking which was me putting a lid on myself. I dont know how to remove it.
I dont feel listened to and I dont feel respected. Sometimes they can utter a "well do you want to go on antidepressants?" and when I say no they drop the subject. How will zombie-pills fix me ? I get told at home every other day I am so emotionally unstable. Like its tiring ? Yeah try to BE me then... Nobody even fucking listens to me.

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Comments ( 3 )
  • godsdog
    11 months ago

    female autism is often seen as BPD so Im guessing you present differently than the male autism stereotype of "unfeeling". other than that what exactly do u expect from others to prove theyre listening? psych's job is to give meds and if youre afraid of zombiefying your problems are 'not that bad' or you are under 25 & you probably have to find a specialist for therapy EPR, ABA, DBT whatever other than the CBT which is for normies , anxiety/depression is a catchall that even your gp can dx, prescribe the latest commercial & send you on your way, CBT is literally just someone reading off google or a self help book. Not getting through to people is a common struggle of autism. Or you just had a sheltered up bringing with overprotective / judgmental parents

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  • SkullsNRoses
    11 months ago

    It’s unprofessional of them to assume autistic people can’t be depressed. As you don’t want to take anti-depressants how do you want to tackle your depression (genuine question)?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 months ago

      I just want someone to listen to me for once. That would help.
      As for my struggles figuring out my identity I have no idea what would help. Thats a massive problem of its own. Everything I want and am change at rates I cant keep up with and I cant trust any of my decisions or feelings for others or myself as a result.

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