Is it normal to not let my friend stay with us?

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11 Comments

One of my friends from prison is getting out and he has nowhere to go. He was a thug but became a genuine and nice guy to me when I was in. He did 8 years.

My fiancée, sister in law and her young son, live with me, so I can’t comfortably let him stay with us. He was a good guy to me but I simply don’t know how he acts around women and children, and I don’t know how he handles being out.

He didn’t ask for a place to stay, but I can tell he’s worried. He needs to report a place of residence to the system so they can check him. I was going to offer to pay him to do some farm work (not around my house) but still feel guilty for not offering him a bed.

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90% Normal
Based on 10 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Boojum
    3 years ago

    Your concerns seem sensible to me and you should go with your instincts. Wanting to help the guy out is kind of you, but your priority has to be the people close to you. If you have even the slightest worries about how he'd behave towards the two women if he was living with you, don't invite him to stay.

    Random thought:

    You mention farm work and summer is coming (assuming you're in the northern hemisphere). Perhaps there's some way you could arrange for him to live in a trailer or even a tent on the farm for a few months? Maybe that's completely impossible or something he'd hate, but I think some people might find that a wonderful change after being locked up for a few years. It would also probably have the advantage of keeping him away from the environment and temptations that led to whatever caused him to be sentenced to jail.

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    • Nikclaire
      3 years ago

      Not possible. Parole or probation would never allow someone to live in a trailer or tent. They need to establish residency not become a vagrant.

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  • Nikclaire
    3 years ago

    Halfway houses exist so that people can safely reenter society. That is where he will get the best resources and support while going through this transition. Yes they will house criminals that may test his resolve and tempt him, but if he truelly wants to live a normal life he will use this as a way to gain strength.

    No need for you to feel guilty.

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    • SmokeEverything
      3 years ago

      Halfway houses are usually full of drugs and stuff and not the best place for somebody in the legal arena trying to stay away from criminal activity.

      They want to send people back to jail to feed the prison-slave-labor industry.

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      • Nikclaire
        3 years ago

        I agree with most of that but drugs and temptation are everywhere. If you are going to succeed in life you have to rise above it.

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  • Mehereok1
    3 years ago

    Stick with your gut feeling and don't do it or offer. I had a female friend from the sports bar I went to who, while ok and pretty, was also a couch-surfer who'd stay with friends until they kicked her out for a variety of issues. Her nickname was "Sticky Fingers", since she had a habit of stealing things, money, whatever she could get her hands on and hock or sell. She was caught several times, but nobody called the cops, only threw her out. She also kept company with the drug crowd, so, pretty and nice at the bar or not, wasn't the best person to have around.

    She did ask me, twice, about staying with me, knowing I have a guest bedroom and live alone, and my brains screamed "No!". I told her nicely, but, did decline her request. I didn't want to be next in line for theft, the drug crowd, or having to call the police on her.

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Your family should always come first in instances like this, and especially when children are involved.

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  • litelander8
    3 years ago

    Put him in a tent outside.

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  • Tommythecaty
    3 years ago

    If you’re concerned then you’ve pretty much answered your own question

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  • Mammal-lover
    3 years ago

    Also if you have money yo waste and hes open to the tent idea boojum said buy him a yurt/ger itll keep him very comfortable

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  • Mammal-lover
    3 years ago

    Theres no perfect route here. I'd say help him get a job absolutely but you dont owe him anything so dont risk your loved ones.

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