Is it normal to not want to be with my girlfriend anymore?

86 Comments

I've been dating my girlfriend for a year now and found out this week that she is transgender.
She revealed this to me when I asked her when we we're going to go further and have sex.

She takes hormones which I also didn't know about, to get that femimine look, but still feels uncormfotable with her body.

I'm just being honest and not trying to be offensive. I really feel akward now from all the making out we've done, because I'm not attracted to males or to be specific penis.
And I also want someone who can give me a biological child. Even if she can't carry it we can just get a surragate.

I also know my family would be unhappy about it too, and just see her as a male who has just changed their physical appearance.

I feel confused and angry because I was lied to. I even joked around with her one time saying she had a dick because she didn't want to have sex, she even insisted she was a girl. We both laughed about it at that time, but I never knew I would be right.

I just wish she would have told me sooner. I feel bad about thinking of breaking it off with her, because she's so nice. But I'm losing my attraction to her, now that I know she's transgender and has a penis.

Also extra question, does anyone know if this is normal for trans people to keep their biological sex secret?
Because I want to avoid this in the future, maybe I should just ask girls in the future if I have doubts?

Break up with her and tell her why	22
Break up with her and leave secretly without telling her	3
Stay with her (comment why)	5
Other (comment about it)	3

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Comments ( 86 )

CountessDouche

7 years ago

Well...everyone here seems to be focusing on the bigger political and social and medical issues of what it means or doesn't mean to be transgendered, as opposed to you know...your actual question...and your relationship...

: ( IIN sucks

She lied to you, about something huge, and relationship defining. Something that changes your entire future, not only sex, but the possibility of children.

You should be angry. This is not a "trans" issue, or a political issue, or a forum for blabbing about meds...you should be angry about your relationship, and the lies you were told, and your future.

You have every right to break up with her, and you should not feel guilty for a second. She lied to you about something HUGE. I would end things if I were you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  I'am angry but mostly hurt that someone who I shared a home with would lie to me.
  
  I guess I should talk to her about it, I can't leave her paying the rent alone, at least will give her a chance to move out too.
  
  Nah I just never imagined it being a thing down here, I didn't know transitioning was legal. I'm just confused about it. But still doesn't change the fact that I'm not attracted to the same sex.
  
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  - sandnigga
    
    7 years ago
    
    wow so this whole time you've been kissing a dude lol
    
    now that im trying to gross you out, but its just interesting to think about
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Yeah the gayest thing I've done in my life now.
      But I didn't even realise it.
      
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      - sandnigga
        
        7 years ago
        
        lol no, the gayest thing you can do is listen to justin beiber
        
        XD hahahah
        
        thats true though, eh dont worry about it, you know your not gay
        
        but theres videos out there, where people trick straight guys into getting their dick sucked by other dudes lol
        kinda entertaining XD
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Haha sadly heard that bombard the radio when it was really popular.
        
        Whoa poor dudes, but if they enjoyed it maybe they wouldn't even care. Ha
        
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Paigiepoo

7 years ago

Stop screwing around with guy with a 6 inch clitorise

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  I wish it was just a large clitoris that some girls have, but nope it's a dick.
  
  Maybe I'll just leave, she did lie to me anyway.
  
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  - SockUnicorn92
    
    7 years ago
    
    She lies to you but you've both invested emotionally. You should be conciderate and respectful about breaking up. Just tell her why and break it off but be delicate
    
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Tempest-au

7 years ago

This is what I hate about the world. You are emotionally attracted to this woman, and now you want to blow her off because the situation doesn't fit some pre-conceived notion of "Normal"?

Okay, the lying about the periods I can understand you being pissed about (although, it sounds like it could have been a defensive reaction on her part to avoid your sexual advances while she decided if she could trust you with her "secret").

I can even understand being uncomfortable about the whole "Dick" thing. Seriously, if I took a girl to bed to discover she had "a little extra in the front", I think I'd probably suffer a power failure too. BUT, this isn't purely about sex is it. You have (or at least had) an emotional connection to this woman.

The way I see it, you have 3 options.

1) Accept the woman you love is sans-vagina and has a really big clitoris, and learn to love her as she is. Short of actual vanilla vaginal sex, there isn't a lot you can't do with the girl sexually.

2) Explain you have a phobia of cocks on women, and see if she is looking to have sex reassignment surgery. Don't be surprised if she says no, a lot of trans-women don't want the surgery (Which I don't understand personally, but not being trans, I don't argue it). At least then you can decide if you want to wait, or not.

3) Gently and respectfully explain to the poor girl that you can't get over your own hang-ups, and that the relationship is over.

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sandnigga

7 years ago

Yea you gotta stop saying "she" now that you know its a dude lol

"She" can pretend to be a girl all he wants, but with a penis, he's just a dude with some makeup

Depends though on how long you've been going out, and how much you love "her".

If you really love him then you could wait to try and get his penis removed.

But if that happened to me, I just dont know what I'd do lol

If I was going out with him for like a week though, I'd probaley have no problem dumping him

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yeah I agree but I'm just trying to respect her because I don't want to come off as transphobic.
  
  But I find the whole transgender thing really confusing. I see it as someone who wish they're born as the opposite gender not identifying as it. Because I don't understand how you can be a girl unless you get surgery. But still they won't get periods or have the ability to have a kid.
  
  Yeah I'm stumped on what to do.
  
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  - Cloud9
    
    7 years ago
    
    Don't worry about coming off as transphobic. The fact is you were lied to. Lying about something so big is a very shitty thing that any human could do, (transsexual or not).
    
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  - Ellenna
    
    7 years ago
    
    I've known MTF trans who say they have PMT and periods and one who said he was pregnant, which is of course all about self-delusion.
    
    Not wanting to be with someone who lied to you about something so basic doesn't make you transphobic, it just makes you liephobic.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Mine lied about period pains, so I'd go buy her pads. That's another thing that pisses me off. Even in the middle of the night when I have work next morning.
      
      I thought it was normal for trans to tell people their biological sex to their close circle of friends?
      And I never thought I'd even meet one since they a minority. I have the worst luck...I though he was a girl but he's not.
      
      Ha I guess it does.
      
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      - sandnigga
        
        7 years ago
        
        does he look like this?
        
        http://bilerico.lgbtqnation.com/2011/01/ariabellows.jpg
        
        XD haha
        
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      - sandnigga
        
        7 years ago
        
        like this is a boy?!?!?
        
        http://www.theprovince.com/life/cms/binary/10053378.jpg
        
        thats like rare as hell lol to look that good
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Nah looks like Blair white.
        
        Petit and feminine. By the help of female hormones he took to stop his male puberty.
        
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      - sandnigga
        
        7 years ago
        
        wow that must be some pretty damn convincing makeup lol
        
        i think i would be able to tell a trans person, there are ways to tell
        
        shoulders, adams appple, buldge
        
        im suprised you didnt notice for a whole year lol
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XAVdYzkUN58/maxresdefault.jpg
        
        No more like a girl like this. But sounds really feminine.
        If someone takes hormones at a young age it's hard to tell. They dong go through male puberty.
        
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  - sandnigga
    
    7 years ago
    
    lol yea i understand you wanna respect him
    
    but honestly its just reality. if he's a dude then he is. im not gonna sit and pretend its a girl when he has a penis lol
    depends lol but in a relationship of my own of only a week or so, it'd be done haha
    
    it's because they're confused. it's either their hormones messing with their minds, or they just want a clever excuse to be the opposite sex lol
    
    its pretty simple to me though, you got a dick your a guy
    
    exactly and thats the number one thing id probaley have a problem with, if i had a kid i would want to have my own genetics and hers, so it probaley wouldnt work out
    
    im sure its hard on ya, i think the question you gotta ask, is how much you love her?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Yeah I agree, its just so confusing now how you can be something you weren't born as. And pretend you're the natural thing. And laws are letting this pass and even handing out hormone therapy to them.
      
      Don't think I love her/him enough. After I found out about that huge lie.
      
      See I probably can't let the pronoun go because I've been calling him a her for a whole year. But in my mind I feel like I'm living with a stranger now...
      
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      - sandnigga
        
        7 years ago
        
        thats all they're doing, is pretending lol
        
        yea because Obama is corrupt and is trying to screw with our society. If he got shot I wouldnt care. In fact Im sure many people would be going out to dinner to celebrate lol
        
        yea, well since you dont love him, i think it's time to dump him lol
        
        get yourself a REAL girl ;)
        
        one that actually has a vagina lol
        
        wow a whole year? damn
        well nows a better time than never, you could be like "get out of my house dude" lol
        
        thats what i might say haha
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Or they think they're actually a girl.
        
        Yeah I checked the bill that was passed. Seems like a loop hole since the only way to identify as transgender is word of mouth. Since we can't physically see feelings.
        And it's even for sports sororities and housing... Do people even know why we separate sex in sports, sororities and housing. Some girls don't want to share a house with a guy and sports will be unfair(look at the male records compared to female), and there's no way to tell if their genuinely transgender.
        
        Yeah your right, I'm going to leave him and tell him why. And hopefully he will understand what he did was really wrong.
        
        I turned down actual girls while dating him thinking he was fully one.
        
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Malevolentsailor

7 years ago

Give it a severe beating.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  I'm more hurt than angry.
  
  And she gets the same rights as a normal girl. So I'd definitely go to jail if I do.
  
  But I'd be more angry if she kept up that lie longer.
  
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  - sandnigga
    
    7 years ago
    
    lol what if she kept it a secret until you two got married? XD haha
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      I'd be really pissed of course.
      
      And I would end up in prison... I'd probably get revenge some other way like a dirty trick or something. I need something to relieve all that anger.
      Just being honest.
      
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      - sandnigga
        
        7 years ago
        
        no i mean, i understand
        
        as long as death isnt involved lol or torture
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Ha no I'm not that cruel.
        More like an eye for an eye type of punishment.
        
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Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously

7 years ago

If you've been dating this girl for one year and just now realize she's transgender? I think you have bigger problems to worry about. CAT SCAN!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  It was hard to tell she's been on hormones since she was little.
  He looks like a real girl.
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    7 years ago
    
    Yeah well he almost certainly has a short life expectancy anyway if he's been taking artificial female hormones since he was very young. What fuckwit doctors prescribe these for kids and what fuckwit parents allow it? Drug companies, shrinks and doctors are making a lot of money out of confused people.
    
    I posted on here a few days ago about some FTM trans people having long term medical problems from the fake hormones ending up needing kidney dialysis: just one example of long term effects trans people are letting themselves in for.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Damn I never knew about any side effects. Can you link me that?
      
      Yeah, personally to me cross dressing and drag make sense, I see it as fun dress up.
      But actually wanting to be the opposite gender. That's like wanting to be white or black. And going through with it is just crazy and harmful. And most of the time people can tell with the ones who transition later in their life...
      
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  - Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
    
    7 years ago
    
    If you can recover from the shock and hurt you will realize it doesn't fucking matter who has a dick. It only matters who acts like one. The question is: Do you love her enough to continue loving her, now that you know? If you don't then let her go to meet someone who will. If you do and plan on working through this together, then it's not a bad idea to seek the advice of someone who's been through this situation themselves.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      I don't think so I never had interest in the same sex.
      But even transgender is still just hormones and their genitilla remains untouched by surgery.
      Transexual I have no idea either. They may have gotten surgery, but I don't know, since they still can't have kids.
      
      I did love her a lot before I found out.
      Think I'll just break up with her.
      I'm worried she's hiding more from me.
      
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- Ellenna
  
  7 years ago
  
  He didn't even realise it, he had to be told.
  
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sofee59

7 years ago

Ello every one I think some of you need enlightenment on some subjects before you go off blabbing your mouth.

So for starters trans people are the gender that they portray wether it is “male" to female or “female" to male. Like really what gives people the right to look between a babies legs and say oh that one is a boy or that one is a girl? It really take a special kind of child molester to be so eager to look between there legs.

You know what happens when they look and see that a baby has both male and female genitals or some combo? Well let me inform you they used to go straight lol (see what I did there) to a ruler... Thats right the thing you use to draw a straight line with. Well now they have up dated to using chromosomes and then if it is any thing other then xx or xy its back to the almighty ruler.

Now lets state the obvious
(1) alot of trans people do hide the fact that they had a penis or a vagina. Why? Well let me tell you. First off a lot of trans people females more then males (and when I say female and or male I am referring to the gender they identify with) get beat up a lot even raped and killed, now some of you might think it's funny and dont care but no one care for you eather.

(2) not all of them see a real need to say that they were born with any labels other than the ones they put on them selfs.

But look at it this way they told you, yea maybe a year went by and they hadnt said a word till now. But did they force you to have sex with them? No I dont believe so.
This also brings me to a point were, are people realy attracted to the persons personally or there physical appearance? You say you dated her for a year and had no problems other then no sex life.
You say your parents wouldnt be vary happy with you dating some one who is trans, but why do you have to tell them it ain't any of their business other then shes a girl and you are dating her.

Yes I also understand that you felt as though she lied to you, but she was probably afraid and didn't know what your reaction would be. And she probably was trying to work up the courage to tell you.

And just so you know there are more than just males and females in this world there are intersex people too some one who is born to both male and female criteria such as me I am an xxy chromosome person and so to see you people bashing on people of the lgbtq yet dont know the difference between their face and a hole in the ground.

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- Tempest-au
  
  7 years ago
  
  In all fairness, the OP's issue is slightly more important than liking or disliking a person's physical appearance!
  
  The fact that this relationship has progressed for 12 months and actually has them living in the same house says a lot about the OP and how he wasn't looking for a quick fuck. That said, it IS normal for people to desire sex with their partner - otherwise there wouldn't be a human race! While I understand that there are a wide range of "Intersex" conditions, expecting everyone to just "ignore" the equipment their partner was born with is just plain stupid. Some of us, myself included, can not get aroused at the thought of sex with a woman who has a penis.
  
  You will note in my earlier post, I suggested that one option for the OP would be to enquire if his girlfriend was intending on having gender reassignment surgery. Not that I can say from experience (having never had an Intersex/transsexual girlfriend), but if I had an emotional bond in this situation, it would be something I would need to know before I decided on pursuing the relationship further or terminating it.
  
  Now I'm anti-label, but for the record I wouldn't call a male in a relationship with an Intersex (or transsexual) person who identifies as a woman "gay", or "bi". If they can overlook the physical similarities between their genetalia and those of their partner, good for them. I couldn't do it, and I'm sure I'm not alone.
  
  Not wanting to have sex with a woman who lacks a vagina, or who has an appendage visually identifiable as a penis, does not make me homophobic, or transphobic, or bigoted. I don't want to eat shit, or fuck a horse either, and most people would regard that as perfectly normal.
  
  I'll support your right to be whomever and whatever you choose to be, and will do so until you deny me the same right of free choice. Equal rights for all also means the right to chose to say no.
  
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  - sofee59
    
    7 years ago
    
    True I just got eeally angry at other post that were posted and the bashing. Yes I agree that every one has a choice but there is a right and wrong choice that varies from person to person and that can end some ones life. Not that I would be the one to kill some one unless they bashed on some one and I was next to them then thats their fault.
    
    But I suppose I shouldnt let it affect me cuz I have no control of other people.
    
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unseriousness

7 years ago

If you truly loved her as a girl I don't see why you can't love her as a boy. I don't think it should matter if she has a dick, she's a girl in every other way. I admit it was wrong to lie to you but I'm sure she was afraid to tell you. From what I've read, if she lied to such an extent, that just goes to show that she loves you a lot and wanted to stay with you.

If you're gonna break up with her anyway, you have to tell her why. Understand how hard it must be for her to be transgender.

You're an amazing person for being so understanding, not getting mad and considering your options before you took action!^^

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Sorry meant to use she pronouns. Got confused and forgot.
  
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  - sofee59
    
    7 years ago
    
    Have you ever been afraid to tell some one the truth because you were afraid that they would hurt you?
    Dont you think it was the same for her, with her situation?
    Were you never given a second chance to come clean and be straight forward with some one?
    
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  - sandnigga
    
    7 years ago
    
    PROUNOUNNNNNSSSS!!!
    
    XP haha
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  In a perfect world it shouldn't matter, but it doe.
  I really don't like looking at other dicks, and touching someone else's would just weird me out. I'm not attracted to guys for that main reason that they have penises.
  So I loss attraction to my my now ex girlfriend.
  I even tried to picture our sex life with her having a penis but didn't work out in my head, I dreaded touching her too. Sounds mean but I can't help it. She's beautiful but that one thing is also important. I also wanted my own biological kids but he doesn't even have ovaries.
  
  Thanks, but I do feel bad still after a broke it off because he left really depressed because I had to explain over and over why I don't want to continue.
  
  But I can't continue, my trust was broken and I don't give second chances because people usually break that chance too.
  
  I really hope he tells others first before he decides to be with them, in the future.
  
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RoseIsabella

7 years ago

Leave her; she lied to you, and will always be incapable of giving you what you need. The problem is more so that she lied about being trans than the fact that she is trans. You don't owe her an explanation, not unless you want to give it to her, because she's a freaking liar.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yeah I plan to now.
  
  Not sure. I'm thinking if I give her one then she can stop lying to others while she's in a relationship. I don't want it to happen to anyone else.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    Do what you gotta do, brah.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Yeah I left him.
      
      He's really depressed but I can't continue with a lie and my attraction has died.
      
      I really hope he doesn't lie to anyone else and finds the confidence to let his future partners know.
      
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Ellenna

7 years ago

It must've been pissweak "making out" if you didn't discover he had a penis!

Seriously though, he lied to you about something very important and I couldn't stay with someone who'd done that.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  She wouldn't let me touch her down there, and always wore dresses. So I can't even make out a shape but probably he tucked it because I know drag queens do.
  
  Yeah don't think I will either.
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    7 years ago
    
    I'm sorry you were deceived right from the start & I hope you find someone honest soon
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Thanks I hope so too.
      
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Curious-trans

7 years ago

So sad poor girl being dragged down by ya, granted she shoulda told you from the get go but i understand her reasons for not saying, just talk with her mate, put all the cards out on the table

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  How am I draging her down!?
  She lied to me.
  
  What are her reason? I want to hear why you think she would have not told me.
  I don't like liers that's what made me mad.
  
  I could have reacted differently from now. I might have not dated her but we could have just been friends maybe.
  
  Yeah I will have a talk I want to know her reason she told me so late.
  
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  - sandnigga
    
    7 years ago
    
    exactly some dudes are just straight, and a person with a wig and a penis wont cut it lol
    
    straight dudes are not after penises, no matter if some people wanna ignore that reality or not
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Exactly.
      
      Now I guess I'm a bigot if I don't like dick?!
      
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      - sandnigga
        
        7 years ago
        
        lol I guess you are then
        
        i cant say that myself cause im actually bi lol, which you probaley had no idea this whole time XP haha
        
        i obviously still find that wrong of him to do to you
        
        its just cause i understand straight guys dont want dick lol
        i used to be straight myself lol
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Exactly thank you!
        
        I don't judge.
        
        Ha how'd you go bi? You got bored?
        (Don't mean that to sound offensive.)
        
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- Ellenna
  
  7 years ago
  
  That's not a girl, he's trans but that doesn't make him a girl
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal to not want to be with my girlfriend anymore?