Is it normal to only cling to the bad of a rotten relationship?

53% Normal
12 Comments

I was talking to my ex last night and he asked me if I hated him. I said no but I resent him sometimes. He said do I have any good memories left of him? I don't. It's been several months. The only memories I hold onto are the bad ones to remind myself that he and anyone like him is no good. I know that we had some good times too but I never think about that. I'm scared that every guy I meet will turn out to be just like him. I'm over the relationship but maybe I'm not over the pain he caused? He left me with a bunch of triggers and I don't want to project these feelings onto people who don't deserve it, but how can I do that and guard myself from being deceived again?

I'm sure he just wants me to think of him in a better light, but I started to wonder if there is any healing in remembering that there was good there too?

Voting Results
53% Normal
Based on 15 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    My question is why do you even talk to this guy?
    If things were so bad, why in the world would you want to bring up thoughts of the relationship, by talking to him.
    I don't think you are being completely honest with yourself or us here.

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Maybe they have children they need to communicate about?

      Why jump to the conclusion that OP isn't being honest when you don't know the circumstances?

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      • thegypsysailor
        8 years ago

        The children thing was discussed 3.5 hours back.
        Don't you think that is a huge bit of info to leave out, if you are asking for opinions based on the facts?

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        • Ellenna
          8 years ago

          I think I'll not get involved in this nitpicking this morning, thanks all the same

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      We have a child together. I try not to let our conversations go too far past the subject of our child but he almost always brings up "us".

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      • thegypsysailor
        8 years ago

        That makes a bit more sense. Yes, a child does change things completely.

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    • [Old Memory]
      8 years ago

      Many, many people fail to see people for who they are and see them for who they think they are or who they think they should be or could be.

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      • thegypsysailor
        8 years ago

        One would think that by now she has some idea of who this guy really is?????

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  • Blue_Velvet
    8 years ago

    Yup, i have become more aware of guys after i was in an abusive relationship but i still take chances.

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    • Blue_Velvet
      8 years ago

      And you should too but not with your ex.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      I don't think I'm afraid to take chances. But I feel like I will ruin it if I do because what could be perfectly normal behavior triggers memories of his emotional abuse. Hopefully it just takes time. At first I'd even lash out at family members when they hit these triggers.

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      • Blue_Velvet
        8 years ago

        You will get past this after some time.

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