Is it normal to physically feel like a part of your mind/brain is missing?

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I had contracted something like meningitis a few days after graduating high school, and was never the same since. I was on bed rest at my parent's house, after being hospitalized. The days would fly by. I may have spent that year doing nothing but getting fed, playing on my kindlefire and sleeping. I entered into school but dropped out after a few months because of lack of transportation and not focusing. Got a job in fast food and tried college again. Graduated. Working in my field and going back to college for "other" studies..

Post-bedrest, fluid would leak from my temples when I was stressed, not getting enough sleep, or whatever else that put pressure on me. God forbid a mild headache, I'd scream, cry, shut my eyes, roll around, and beg for painkillers. It just hurt that much.

Post-bedrest, I would physically feel the water droplets go down to the back of my neck, but always under my skin. I had joined a forum at the time, CSF leakage. The sufferers couldn't work, they laid down majority of their days,otherwise the pain would be unbearable. But you'd know when someone's doctor took studying serious to heal them and didn't render it a useless cause -they'd stop posting to the forum.

Fast forward to now, I don't get much leakage anymore. However I do feel everything in there, beneath my temples. It feels as if something is missing, like part of my mind/brain was stolen. It feels empty there, and very very wet. When I didn't ignore it, I would hold my head and cry.

Sometimes I'd fantasize about shoving a screw-driver on both sides to relieve the itch. I opted for something healthier but it ensued a headache so quickly stopped that. I'm not crazy or anything wacko, functioning and living my life. It just bothers me that whatever synapses, nerve-endings, whatever it could be, is not operating beneath my temples.

I read up on spiritual practitioners and temporal lobe damage. It's a funny thing to compare, on account of being spiritual myself.

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Comments ( 3 )
  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    Not entirely related I think, but I remember some researcher taking I believe cat scans of brains, and noticed that people with depression and other mental health issues had what looked like portions of the brain missing, like there was no activity or connection to those parts of the brain

    He was doing work on restoring those parts of the brain with mild success, I forget his name and the research and anything like that though

    I can say that sometimes things happen to us and we change, noticeably different and we can't go back to the way we were before (the song For Good from Wicked comes to mind)

    If you've ever read the book The Bridge to Terebinthia, the main character, the boy, I think his name might have been Leslie, when walking back home with the dog him and the girl shared, he rationalized the smarter you are the scarier the world is, I don't want to spoil anything but he thought about how the dog was so carefree to be walking so close to a rapid river

    I also pay attention to my brain, for example there are times I can feel like I'm flexing, perhaps even blinking, my pineal gland, and also in conversation when what to say becomes clear, I can feel what I would call branches reaching out in various parts of my brain, my eyes also dilate and retract, and sometimes I feel like I can look through my eyes in reverse to see inside my head

    I really have no idea what you're going through, as it sounds like it's painful, but sometimes I feel like my deformities make me a stronger warrior, like some anthropological concept

    It sounds like your situation could still get better

    Knowledge is power, I hope your doctor cares about their work

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      This is probably the only good comment you've ever written on my stuff. Thanks for contributing~

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      • [Old Memory]
        3 years ago

        Now I'm really curious about your other posts

        I usually try to earnestly post my thoughts that I think will benefit the OP

        There have been a few posts though where I think someone needs a kick in the ass, but the only person I can think of that I did is that virgin lesbian girl

        I can see if people don't fully understand what I'm saying, sometimes I make connections that don't seem obvious I think, but I almost always think if someone talked to me about something I've said I can explain it and we could reach an understanding even if we don't agree with each other

        Unless, are you Lloyd? I remember he said I hardly ever comment on his posts I think

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