Is it normal to shit your pants in public aged 22

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Today I had a sore stomach and felt nauseous so I decided to take a walk around my neighbourhood. It’s pretty quiet as the sixth form college opposite my house seems to be closed for exams.

I walked maybe 20 minutes when a gripping pain rippled through my stomach, I hunched over instinctively, but I am a dignified person so I pushed my back up straight, turned round to walk back to my house and let out a fart to relax my stomach.

Only it wasn’t a fart. The soft squelch of feces pressed against my buttocks was unmistakable. I missed a breath. My hand instinctively flew to my arse to contain it, but I snapped it back. Too obvious. There was nothing I could do. There were no public toilets around. My only hope of survival was to get home avoiding all contact with pedestrians so no-one would know I pooped my pants.

I whacked the song “People=Shit” on my iPod, yanked my trousers up and commenced the fastest power walk of my life, slaloming around dog walkers and mums with prams as my poo started bake in the sun.

The smell became stronger and stronger but I had almost marched all the way home when I turned into my road and walked into my worst nightmare. The streets were teeming with adolescents, the college was not closed after all. They filled the pavement, there was no hope of slaloming, and even if they didn’t know it was me they got a whiff of my sun-baked shit.

Please tell me your stories of shitting your pants to ease my embarrassment!

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Comments ( 11 )
  • litelander8
    4 years ago

    I really have to keep telling y'all to NEVER TRUST A FART?

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  • Grunewald
    4 years ago

    At the end of my uni studies, the day before I was due to leave, there was a massive pile of poo on the bench in the corridor by my room. It stank of old alcohol. Someone had clearly been on their fave alcohol the previous night. It was a beautiful, brand new building, too.

    When I got the porter to come, he looked at me suspiciously, as if I had done it.

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  • Grunewald
    4 years ago

    So... early twenties, in Britain (where else would you see a 'sixth form college', and would 'pants' mean underwear, rather than trousers?), a storyteller who knows what they're doing, sense of dignity and (probably) male...

    Interesting Brit./Am. English inconsistency: 'pooped my pants' vs.'sun-baked poo'. But then the preterite of 'to poo' is slightly awkward. Pooed? Poo'ed? Weird vowel combo in the former; no actual contraction in the latter. Am. English also uses perfect tenses less often: 'so no-one would know I pooped my pants' instead of 'so no-one would know I HAD pooped my pants'... Interestingly the two regional inconsistencies happen in the same sentence... maybe it was for comic effect? This doesn't account for the fact that the Brit. spelling of "feces" is actually "faeces".

    Maybe OP is American pretending to be British?? Or just British and exposed to a lot of US culture?

    LloydAsher?

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    • SwickDinging
      4 years ago

      I think a lot of us use Americanism now. It's that darned internet. I say pooped, I say hooters to means boobs instead of noses, I say ass.

      Then again, I haven't lived in the UK for a long time. So maybe that's why I do it. I've never even been to America though so it is odd that I would pick up so much of their isms...

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      • Grunewald
        4 years ago

        It's funny how our language sort of 'migrates' with us, isn't it? I find the same - especially with accent.

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    • SkullsNRoses
      4 years ago

      That’s the most in depth analysis of my language I’ve ever received, I’m touched. I use Americanisms and spelling as I was raised on a diet of American TV and memes. The other day I was mocked for calling the motorway the “freeway”.

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      • Grunewald
        4 years ago

        Aww!! I can't let my skills just moulder away unused...

        Your language speaks of where you've been. Don't let them mock you.

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    • SkullsNRoses
      4 years ago

      Good guess, but it’s actually me.

      Now you owe me a tale of poop.

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      • Grunewald
        4 years ago

        Aww thanks! Kudos to your writing skills.

        I was about 11 years old and I had just finished karate class when I felt something wet in my pants. I concluded I must have started menstruating and told Mum, and Mum got very excited and may have told a relative or two...

        I looked at my pants again, just to check, and on further inspection it just looked like I had pooed a bit in my pants. I was mortified.

        We thought of it as a 'proto-period' as a kind of 'via media' between the two, to reconcile my embarrassment with the facts and to avoid having to tell my grandparents the truth.

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  • SKDM007
    4 years ago

    if you have bowel issues then its normal but if not then not

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  • Grunewald
    4 years ago

    Right, this one not is about excrement per se...

    It's on rare occasions that you can't control poo, but you really, really can't control menses that easily.

    Imagine you're teaching class, your sanitary protection has failed you, warm, brightly coloured, sticky liquid floods your underwear, and there is absolutely nothing you can do except NOT sit down or do anything that will cause your trousers, or anything that will come into contact with the gusset of your pants, to stick to you. If you are wearing black trousers, good for you. If you are wearing a dress, you just lucked out. If you are wearing white trousers... well, you just wouldn't ever do that on a period day. It'd be tempting fate.

    There are thirty 14-year-olds in front of you who don't give a hoot about the Shakespeare you're trying to force down their throats, and who will raise a ruckus the moment you turn your back. Go to the toilet? No chance. You can let them go when they ask, but you're stuck in front of them until the next break time.

    If all else goes swimmingly, you also have to hope you don't smell.

    This was me today.

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