Is it normal to think about breaking up all day?

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8 Comments

i don't know how long this has been happening inside my mind, but i think it's been more than a year. Recently it has been increasing and every time my boyfriend does something I dislike I think about breaking up.
I feel like the things I dislike about him will never go away even if he says he can change them. We have been dating for almost 6 years and I feel like i've spent most of them waiting for him to be the best version of himself.
I believe it's something about his personality: always announcing something is wrong (with him or in general) and if he can fix it then everything will be okay, BUT THEN something else is wrong and things are never okay.
And even if they do... I don't feel any satisfaction 'cause I don't know how long it will last...
I always feel like things have to improve and maybe some of them have, like him no longer talking to his ex WOW haha. And some other circunstancial things ...

I just wish he could be more about everything, be more caring and give me the attention I deserve.
AND ALSO I feel like I can't break up with him because 1. he's my first serious boyfriend 2. i don't really want to, I still love him lol

wait is this not the notes app

Voting Results
36% Normal
Based on 11 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • SkullsNRoses
    3 years ago

    You are not dating your boyfriend, you are dating the idea of who you want your boyfriend to become.

    That fact that you have been with him for 6 years isn’t a reason in itself to stay, that’s just sunk-cost fallacy. I also suspect that you are just comfortable around him and, again, love the idea of who you wish he was.

    I think you already know it’s time for this to end. Wanting to break up all day is not normal and he will never really morph into this dream boy in your head. It will hurt like hell at first but in a year or so you will be glad you ripped the bandage off.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    3 years ago

    id really love to hear his sidea this mess

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      he doesn't want to break up, he insists we are meant for each other and that he loves me very much. he says he CAN change for me and that he will, yet it seems like he's waiting for something to happen to actually improve
      By reading everyone's comments I realized I must accept him as he is, but he must also stop saying he is going to change and do things to make me happy

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  • Boojum
    3 years ago

    I agree with what SkullsNRoses has said.

    Sticking with someone because of inertia and in the hope that they'll eventually transform into a better person and become your perfect soulmate is dumb. Maybe he's an obnoxious, immature asshole, or maybe your expectations of people and life are unrealistic. That doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you're unable to accept him as he is today, and that means you're fundamentally unhappy, and he can't be happy because he has to know that he falls short of your idea of the ideal man. This means the relationship is doomed unless there are some fundamental changes, but after six years together, it would probably be difficult for the two of you to shift the paradigms of your relationship.

    You're clearly focused on his imperfections, but it's also inevitably true that you're less than perfect too. In every relationship, one of the most important questions is whether the failings and weaknesses of the two people are such that they either don't matter, or they mesh in such a way that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

    One of my favourite adages is from Voltaire: "The best is the enemy of the good." In other words, if you spend your life being fixated on obtaining perfection and never being satisfied with anything less than that, then you're going to miss out on an awful lot of good things.

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  • Jamie_Sulky
    3 years ago

    When I was young I was catholic and I knew logically, and all evidence pointed towards the fact that the religion made no sense and that I disagreed with it in fundamental levels. However I put off becoming and athiest because the religion at this point had become such a big part of me and despite all the evidence, I couldn't see the rest of my life without god. In the end I realized there's no point in wearing the badge as a catholic when in my heart I didn't believe in it.

    It feel like you don't really believe in this relationship and you already know its over, but breaking up would be too much. Your not really dating him, your avoiding breaking up because that seems like too much. But you have to realize its better if both of you separate to go look for someone suited better for you. Its better not to waste both of your time.

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  • rocketdave
    3 years ago

    I agree more with the first comment on this, I'd like to hear his views on breaking up. Very likely he has been having the same thoughts, you two should talk more.

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  • my_life_my_way
    3 years ago

    Just break up, you’ll both end up better for it. No point sticking in a relationship that doesn’t feel right anymore. Sometimes after a long time with someone you can get to a point where you’re just sick of them in every way.

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  • litelander8
    3 years ago

    Flames dwindle. You should go figure yourself out and see other people.

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