Is it normal to value only peace of mind?

89% Normal
10 Comments

I will try to keep this short. I value above all else a pure spirit. I value knowing I'm not being too greedy and that I attempt to do the right thing, etc. Whenever I was growing up, I was such a great, genuine and kind kid. Several things happened however and I was severely screwed over by my family. My brother molested me and my mom chose alcohol and I still largely made it through all that until one day I just lost it. I don't know how to explain it. All the resentful and hatred feelings of being let down that built up from everyone I held close I directed internally not knowing how to speak up at the ones who had hurt me. I destroyed myself. I lost all my friends. I was great at baseball before this and was shit afterwards.

I look around and I see strangers going about their lives and turning broken pieces into new personalities and such, going to college etc. And I couldn't care less about any of that without who I was. I feel like I get a little bit closer each day and I'd even rather work minimum wage and forget about careers and expectations if it means I can finally be whole again. I know they say "do what makes you happy", but it's more than that. It's just getting the chance to be me again. I feel like I don't ever see anyone who can relate to this. I know I'm not just being a weak person. My shitty family still acts like they never did anything wrong.

I don't think about what we can do and get on Earth, I only think about doing the right thing. I don't even really care about sex. Whether or not it's normal, this is what I want. Probably not the site to find others who agree but just wondering if this is normal.

Voting Results
89% Normal
Based on 9 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • JonathanOo
    6 years ago

    We need more people like you in the world. Others only care about themselves or only have selfish ideals. Its sad

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  • Freedom_
    6 years ago

    I feel like I'm in a similar place in my life. I've had let downs of different sorts and lost myself for a couple years. I ended up quitting college and getting a minimum wage job, but it's one I enjoy and it's not even min wage anymore. I believe that kind of thinking pays off and life will give you little rewards if you are open to seeing what you are gaining.

    Although, after nearly 2 years, I'm beginning to itch for new horizons. I feel I've been nurtured long enough and will soon be ready for a new challenge.

    Take your time, recharge and relearn. Your soul will thank you.

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  • radar
    6 years ago

    I understand you and I feel the same way. I also buried myself, or more like just never emerged, because of too much neglect and hurtful, ignorant behavior. When you realize that and stop treating yourself like shit is when it starts to get better. I'm glad you are at that point and you can see that your true nature is kind and gentle. It's something to take pride in and a starting point for gaining confidence and a sense of self.

    I guess it sounds cheesy, but let that goodness guide you. I've never been more at peace than when I could connect with my own humility/vulnerability and the fact that I have so much love, and I want to do what's right. Even if I don't know how and I haven't always done so, knowing that I'm trying and I want to and letting that inform my actions is like medicine.

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  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    I could have written this. It touches my heart. Hang in there.

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  • Murun
    6 years ago

    You have reached enlightenment. People spend years trying for that through meditation etc but they never quite get it.

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  • McBean
    6 years ago

    Are you suppressing your identity? Get in touch with that great genuine and kind kid that you once were. He's still there. He's still hiding to protect himself. It's safe for him to come out.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I am suppressing it without wanting to. I don't know. I like buried myself alive when I was younger. Didn't know what I was doing

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      • McBean
        6 years ago

        Dig yourself out. It's safe now.

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      • nikkiclaire
        6 years ago

        You didnt suppress anything. Your true self came out in that post and I appreciate it. You wrote what i have been thinking my entire life.

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  • nikkiclaire
    6 years ago

    I think it's perfectly normal. If you have peace of mind it is because you are being true to yourself and not trying to live to anyone else's expectations.

    That's really the only way to be happy in the long run. In reality everyone is too worried about their own lives to truely pay attention to yours. So in the end it doesn't matter. Be yourself, warts and all.

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