Is it normal ..that i am so heartbroken they died?

You are so hearth broken because you considered these cats as members of your family. It is not uncommon,but,damn,if you felt like that for a bunch of kitties,I don't even wanna imagine how you would feel if a human relative died.
I seen my dog suffer for like a month before my mom brought it to the vet for the,yeah,euthanasia.
It was fifteen years old,couldn't eat no more and spent most of it's time laying on the floor panting waiting to take it's last breath.It was shattering.I had to feed it with a syringe but it obviously didn't work.But I didn't feel that bad when my mom took it away.I knew it was gonna die since it started howling to the moon.
But I never had to see life end at it's very beginning.I guess it must be something really disconcerting and,you must have lived it as your own failure but,it really isn't.You did everything you could.Now you can only try to understand what went wrong so you can try not to make the same error,if you made one,again.
That's the only way we got to make the lives of our lost ones count.

I'm sorry you lost all your kittens. :( I once tried to hand feed a newborn kitten and it died too. I know how you feel. :( :( :( :(

I'm sorry. I would have been upset too. You obviously have a big heart.

Thank you for your kind words everyone.

That's a little bit scary.

I'm so sorry. My friend's cat's litter got cat flu a few years back and every one of them died in his arms. There just aren't words.

Grief over losing a pet is considered a type of "hidden grief" (I'm certain that there's a more proper term to describe it, but it's escaping me at the moment). It, along with things like the loss of a job or an unborn human baby, are types of grief that are very normal for people to experience, yet gets swept under the rug by society. It's like any other type of grief: allow yourself enough time to mourn, and remember that time heals all wounds. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

;_;