Is it normal for a 19 year old to date a 16 year old?

75% Normal

Ok so heres the shit. There was this girl who worked at a place i used to work (we both quit for different reasons), and I thought she was kinda cool. We hung out with a group of people and she told me she was into me. Now the thing is I'm 18 and shes 16 (and where i'm from age of consent is 16). That sounds like its not too bad, but i'm turning 19 next month. Shes turning 17 only late in the year, meaning its a 19-16 age gap for a while. I had already told her that the age gap is too big, but she still wanted to meet up as friends and we just did.

Heres the problem: we connect too well. I relate so damn hard with her and theres so many little thing that we enjoy that I don't with other girls. But then again, I feel like a predator or something just because of our age gap. What should I do?

EDIT: I've said this above but people are missing it. Where I live the age of consent is 16 so it's legal. I'm asking more of a moral stand point.

Voting Results

75% Normal

Based on 28 votes (21 yes)

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Comments ( 31 )

Contrivance

2 years ago

You're fine. I dont see it as a big age gap or anything immoral at all. I mean how much different is a 19 year old to a 16 year old anyway? Maybe she's about to graduate HS and you're about to enter college but it's still the same life stage. Probably similarly experienced at dating as well if not identical

The fact that you are even considering whether this is moral or not, even though it's legal, is a good sign.

Worst case it doesnt work out and you both want different things or arent ready for whatever. But even two 30 year olds can run into that same issue yet they still give it a chance. So I say go ahead and enjoy yourselves. Be kind to each other

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Thanks. The main fear i had was the mental age gap, but i've never had a problem with her mental age. i know people my age who acts mentally younger then her. idk. I hope things go well.
  
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donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

2 years ago

you should check your local laws to make sure you dont end up on the pervert list

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Local law states I'm fine. I just don't know if it's right morally.
  
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  - bigbudchonga
    
    2 years ago
    
    It's morally fine, dude; you're overthinking it.
    
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dude_Jones

2 years ago

A good common sense guideline is "half your age plus 7". Work this out by your ages in months. 19.0 / 2 + 7 = 16.5 Then check your local laws. The two of you may be okay.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America

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litelander8

2 years ago

I’d say it’s fine. But you should move slowly in terms of sex. Maybe also make sure you talk with her parents too and meet them as friends so it’s not terribly shocking to them when you decide to be exclusive. Best of luck!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Thanks. I honestly don't even care about sex until later, I just want to hang out with her. I'll try my best.
  
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  - litelander8
    
    2 years ago
    
    I really stress you being comfortable with her parents and them with you first.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      2 years ago
      
      yeah, will make sure to get the ok from her parents, and thats only if I decide to get with her which i'm still on the fence about.
      
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Mini69

2 years ago

It’s perfectly fine and absolutely normal. You are talking about a 2 and half year age difference which is nothing. You are both over the age of consent and therefore not breaking any laws. Enjoy your youth together and just see where it leads.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Thats the thing, its actually only 2 years and a couple months, It just feels like a bigger difference now then if I was 22 and she was 20 for example.
  
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  - Boojum
    
    2 years ago
    
    Many young people are very hung up on the age they reached at their last birthday, but I'd suggest that a more realistic way of thinking about the relative ages of you and the girl is in terms of the percentage difference in your ages.
    
    When you had your four-year-old birthday party, she was only one, and so you were four times her age. On your tenth birthday, you were 30% older than her. After you have your birthday next month, you'll officially be approximately 16% older than her.
    
    Children and adolescents often have a fixation on the age they and others reached at their last birthday, but part of growing up is recognising that many other factors are much more important. There's always going to be a difference in how much life you and she have experienced. Maybe that's important, and maybe it isn't, but what's definitely true is that the degree of difference is decreasing a little with every passing day.
    
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  - Mini69
    
    2 years ago
    
    Exactly, only a couple of years difference. Stop worrying and enjoy each other and before you know it you will be 22 and her 20.
    
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DADNSCAL

2 years ago

It’s like if you have to ask, there’s a problem. It’s not illegal, but a 3 year age difference in the teen years is a lot. If you can remain friends for a year or two more, then see if you want to take it further, that would be better.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Yeah, I had thought about that. maybe the fact that i'm asking IIN means its not ok. But usually the votes come out positive to let me know I was over thinking things, which, literally thats all I do in life. I wouldn't mind waiting until she gets older, and in some ways I think thats the best way to handle this.
  
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LloydAsher

2 years ago

Yeah once you turn 18 your an adult so dating kids dispite being close enough to your age isnt acceptable. Break it off and save your skin.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  true, but how do you determine when someones an adult? some say the brain is still developing till early 20's. I have some friends who act incredible childish despite being 18 while she's incredibly mature and has a philosophy in life compared to her age.
  
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  - LloydAsher
    
    2 years ago
    
    Dont debate philosophy, its law. Cant change currently so you are barking up the wrong tree. Law says it's illegal so dont do it.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      2 years ago
      
      the age of consent is 16 here, as i've stated in my paragraph. It's legally fine, I just feel wierd, and a bit guilty I guess.
      
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      - LloydAsher
        
        2 years ago
        
        Sometimes theres the age of concent and theres the legal age of having sex.
        
        Japan has an age of concent at 13. Does that mean that you can pick up middle schoolers? Fuck no! Just means that if you were 14 and she was 13 you would be in the clear... japan is weird.
        
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  - Boojum
    
    2 years ago
    
    It's a matter of scientifically proven fact - not mere opinion - that the decision-making processes of teens occur primarily in the part of the brain that deals with emotions, while mature adults make decisions in the rational part of the brain. It's obvious to anyone who pays any attention to young people that there's quite a bit of variation between individuals, but on average, that shift isn't complete until the mid-twenties.
    
    https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=3051#:~:text=The%20rational%20part%20of%20a,cortex%2C%20the%20brain's%20rational%20part.
    
    Research has also found that, on average, the brains of girls mature earlier than those of boys. I suspect it's unlikely that the 16 year-old you're referring to here is actually as emotionally and intellectually mature as she will be a decade from now, but I don't find it surprising that she seems very grown-up to you.
    
    Having said that, you need to be aware that we're all liable to see what we want to see, and our brains are wired to find rational justifications for the things we do and want, even when the truth is that those things are the result of primal urges that originate in our lizard brains.
    
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femboy18

2 years ago

who gives a shit if its legal?????

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miss_jass06

2 years ago

In my opinion it's totally fine as as long as it's legal in your country/state and you both consent.
I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 22 - we started dating before I was 18. He's a great loving boyfriend and respects me just as I respect him, we have common hobbies and get along really well. I've never seen him as a "predator", but as a caring and protective boyfriend. Good luck to you two :)

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RoseIsabella

2 years ago

You can date, no sex!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  I'm good with that! I just want to hang with her.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    2 years ago
    
    Right on!
    
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Meatballsandwich

2 years ago

Nothing wrong with that.

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1WeirdGuy

2 years ago

Doesnt matter if its normal if its illegal. Even if the age of consent is 18 in a state most states with 18 age of consent have what they call romeo and juliet laws. In Tennessee the age of consent is 18. However you can have sex with someone 4 years younger without risk of statutory rape charges. So an 18 year old can have sex with a 14 year old in my state and not go to jail. Its technically still illegal though but you cant be charged. Sometimes its 3 years but usually its 4 years in most states with 18 age of consent.

If its not illegal, you like her, why not

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Somenormie

2 years ago

It is legal but it could fall into deep concerns depending where abouts you are from.

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pastafather

2 years ago

That's nothin. I got with my wife as soon as she turned 12. She thought I was a bad ass cause I had a driver license

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal for a 19 year old to date a 16 year old?