Is it normal for a 12 year old to tell me shes not a virgin
So my 12 year old just told me she's not a virgin. Is it normal!?!?!?!?
Voting Results
24% Normal
Based on 2066 votes
(486 yes)
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Comments ( 97
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dom180
Just a thought, but are you sure she knows what that means? A lot of people that age are more naive than you might expect. She might not know that being a virgin means not having had sex.
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Fozmula
The first thing I thought after reading this was that someone at school told her that it meant murderer or something. Believe me, when I was young, some little cunt told me that rape means "to beat", as in, a game. "I raped brother in air hockey!" Classic.
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Its_Called_Love
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Lynxikat
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RaNdOmPoPcOrN
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Imsupernormal
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rjjolly
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jane711
it's not normal. The person is only 12 and probably isnt fully developed or emotionally ready for sex.
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Its_Called_Love
Not normal, Jesus. I lost my virginity at 19 and I'm glad. I wasn't nervous in the slightest and of course it wasn't painful or nerve-wrecking, just loving and sweet.
Its terrible that her childhood is over just like that. I always thought it was weird that all the kids were in such a rush to grow up. My parents dragged me out of childhood kicking and screaming. Being a teenager sucked, I'm glad I can just chill in college now.Comment Hidden ( show ) -
TerryVie
I think it's totally normal.
Bear with me on this one:
If the "AVERAGE" age at which virginity is lost is around 15-16 years(as for most western countries), then per definition there are derivations in both directions.
In order to reach this statistics, for each person loosing their virginity at 20, there'd be 4 people losing it at 14, or 2 at 13, or 1 at 11...
The derivations happen in both directions, only that you have some people quite above 20 to lose their virginity, so to maintain a statistic of 15-16, the median actually is closer to 14, with a "clump" ranging from 13-15 below the actual average age, piking at 14.
12 may not be the AVERAGE, but it's definitely normal.
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PumpkinKate
Not sure where you got those numbers.
The statistic of "15-16 years old" is not the median for the US, according to the sources I checked out. I looked at a few and most went with what wikipedia had stated, so I provided their data. (Yeah, it's flawed, but again - for every person overestimating there's someone underestimating) It was 17 in 2011, and over a larger span of years closer to 18-19.
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_sexuality_in_the_United_States" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolescent_sexuali...</a>
So if we accept the data collected above as "as close to accurate as can be hoped for" a 12 year old having sex would fall much further outside of the range. Statistics don't give us everything, but they can provide insight.
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TerryVie
hm. i am from western europe, and while you made me check again, the average is still 16-16.5 on average.
while that means that my original 15-16 is a lower average estimate than 16-17(lets say like this, which includes eastern europe), the remaining reasoning holds true.
To reach the "average" you have to have an equal SUM of derivations to both sides of it. And as unlikely as a 11 year old that lost her virginity is, the same is true for a 30-year old that still is a viring. Both exist, however, and by statistics the main clump still will be lower than the average because there's less "room" for derivations.
as far as i could tell, the questions was asked generalized, not US-specific, so i just answered with "local" facts/knowledge.
(As for sources, i googled it, and both the wikipedia-linked durex sex report, several other pages(including official NGO's and newspapers) came up with all around same numbers, but nothing i would truly quote as "source" without that lone source feeling wrong.)
BTW: I also know why my estimate was a year lower: I'm from a big city, where the average age within a country is usually lower than on the countryside...so ya, i believe i read an article on a city newspaper recently that used those numbers.
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PumpkinKate
It is worth noting that different cultures view sex in different ways. I'm originally from Denmark, and had I been in the mindset of average age over there I would have put it at a bit lower. I assumed that the OP was from the US but... well, you know, assumptions.
I do hold the belief that 12 years old is pretty young to begin having sex, even from a biological standpoint. That's sort of the very beginning wave of when our bodies even start telling us we should. My hope was to let the OP know that at that age, they should be involved with their child in regards to education and preparation for entering a sexually active lifestyle. Personally, I would be mortified if my 12 year old told me they weren't a virgin (provided I believed them). No matter how well I raise my kid, how precocious and well informed she is, sex takes two - and I just can't see myself trusting ANY sex partner whose balls haven't even dropped yet xD To me it's not about not trusting my 12 year old kid, it's about not trusting whoever thinks sleeping with a 12 year old is acceptable.
If it was an older guy? Oh yeah, I'd have some words for him. Probably a strong inclination for it to be more than just "words" at that.
But that's all personal preference, anyway. Not my place to try and convince others they should feel the same. My only goal for the OP was to provide information relating to the question of "is it *normal*".
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ccjigsaw
People use the term virgin for everything these days. "Property virgin" ="never owned a house" Then again, kids these days are kinda messed up. I'd ask her where she learned that word...
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Lidellidellee
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Avant-Garde
Of course, it isn't normal. Did she say why? If not, then I think you should ask her.
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[Old Memory]
Do you plan on pimping her out now that she has some experience under her belt?
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thinkingaboutit
Normal or not is not really the issue. Whats more important is the normalcy of WHY/how they lost their virginity. I think it's normal if I kid loses their virginity without knowing WHAT they are doing. i lost my virginity to myself when I was 9? Before that I would fool around with my god-sister. I really didn't know what we were doing, besides reenacting love scenes from movies (I'm a girl). One of my earliest memories is of fooling around with another toddler. That happens more often than people expect. It is however not normal if that child was coerced into having sex, by anyone.
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PumpkinKate
For the OP, the average age is 17 if you're wondering what's "normal".
If you're wondering what to do about your daughter - talk to her, support her, do your best to get her to communicate and provide her with as much knowledge to protect herself as possible. You could even get someone else to talk to her, a counselor or therapist, or an older person she looks up to.
She may not know that she implied she had sex, like the one commenter said. She may be precocious and made a reasonably well-informed decision. She may have made a mistake and needs your help recovering. You won't know until you start talking with her.
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EmmV
I live in a small town where the only thing for kids to do is have sex and do drugs. I've heard stories of seventh graders, which are about 12, getting pregnant. It's horrifying of course, but unfortunately it's becoming more common. Is it normal? No, the majority of 12 year olds aren't having sex. They are not emotionally developed enough at that age to appreciate that kind of physical bond with another person. I suspect she's going to have some wild years ahead of her, so you need to sit her down and explain to her that if she's going to do it she needs to do it safely.
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FuckedUpMess
While I'd like to say no, most aren't virgins these days. It's ridiculous but it's true. I was 14 and I feel even that is too young. Im 21 and pregnant and terrified that I'm gonna have a girl. There is just something so much worse about your girl losing her virginity.
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cutiebaby
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dongwhan
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bronco
Now a days its normal,sad but normal.I have a friend that her niece started having anal sex at 10.She used to say it was because she didnt what to get pregnant.Now shes the biggest freak,shes a 19yr old bi sexual stripper who loves having threesome and going to orgy partys drinking and getting high.Needless to say she didnt have postive role model but what brings me back to the answer this world ie crazy yes its normal but not good.
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thinkingaboutit
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PumpkinKate
Because that one example of an extremely rare case (probably wasn't telling the truth about many of her escapades, anyway) now means that it's normal.
'Tis a shame that over 50% of our young girls are turning into kinky bisexual strippers with no self respect or reservation! Accepting of course that it's "normal"...
I feel bad for her, though :/ On a serious note, the world isn't so awful that that sort of thing is "normal". Extraordinary cases get a lot more attention than ordinary ones, and believe me - 12 year olds having sex, and ESPECIALLY 10 year olds having anal sex or even claiming to, is not normal.
It doesn't mean it's the end of the world, the best you can do OP is educate, support, and influence through wisdom and understanding, not panic or harsh punishment.
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Usmallpenis
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DannyKanes
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PumpkinKate
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Who_Fan4Life
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disthing
- Your name is Katelyn
- You are an 18 year old girl
- You were born in Eugene, Oregon
- You were adopted
- Your adoptive parents are both lawyers, you would happily never speak to them again
- Your biological father is the lead singer of a band, he beat you severely
- Your biological mother is a drug addict working 4 jobs
- You lost your virginity when you were 9
- You are bisexual
- You've had sex with your cousin
- You are in love with your (biological) sister
- You're moving in with your sister soon
- You make out with your sister in public
- You kissed each other in front of your dad
- You're moving closer to your biological parents
- You used to have suicidal and homicidal dreams
- You can't afford a therapist
- You've been married to a man for a year
- You wish your husband would show you more affection in public
- You and he never go to the movies anymoreWow.
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PumpkinKate
I'm pretty sure you're not telling the truth :) I'd still put money on it.
Whether you're male OR female most people don't brag about how disgusting they are.
But you're male.
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ashes.=D
Lol your fucking funny, how mature, and go ahead il beat you millions of dallers im telling the truth and also im not braging if braging is telling people about my self then so be it, and no im not a guy! im sure you are through!
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ashes.=D
Lol And if you really want to test your luck give me your number or Facebook page and you can really wallow in your own shit talking methed you stupid son of a bitch
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Its_Called_Love
Losing your virginity at the age of 9 doesn't make your life interesting, that makes it sad. No idea why everyone is in such a rush to grow up...
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ashes.=D
Lol ok you tatolly mis understood, i was talking about me and my sister being in love with each other. but anyways its not so much rushing to grow up, its a mixter of things, its what your exposed to at a younger age then most its the type of life style your supjected to and for me i also started my period when i was 9 as well and i had a way over sexualy active brain at a very young age, little sex kitten like my mom liked to call me back when ha, but ya and theres some other facter in there you gotta think about...
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ashes.=D
Hey if you have a problem with me being in love with my sister, you can go pound sand bitch and im not a man you jurk
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Unknowngjg
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Riddler
No its not normal at all. However sometimes at that age its due to rape. Did you ask if it was volenteery?
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keeping_up_with_da_kids
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Theatre_Chick106
It is sad to say but yes, this is normal. I'm 15 and have had three people in my class have an abortion or lost the baby. Our generation is losing it at a young age. Why? I don't know but I do know it is happening. I would say make sure he/she is protected the best he/she can be. If I were you either go get him condoms or her on the pill and condoms. It is sad that this is happening but it is common today. We just have to try to prevent it and if we can't do that at least try to help make sure we and others are safe and pre-cautious.
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Usmallpenis
I know a lot of people at age a 15 having sex or even 14 but 12 is kinda way too young so I gotta say not normal
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ifonlyheknew
I'm a 13 yr old girl and a lot of kids at my school have already lost their virginity. One of my (ex) friends lost theirs to my brother! And he's 4 yrs older. So yes it's common but no it's not good. I master-bate occasionally and I do get horny a lot but im not planning on loosing my virginity for at least 2 years but who knows.
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MrPedobeard
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anti-hero
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quaid
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Honesty20
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Robertlawence22
No it's not natural but it's not their fault it's the parenting .I had my son when I was 14 so I should know
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PiscessLady
Its not normal. Never will be. Its disgusting. The firls is stupid because smart girls wont do that. Her parents are more stupid than her... I hate the fact that this kind of stuff happen. So sad for her. I would kill myself if my daughter had sex at the agebof 12. Thats such a failure as parent being.
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bigp94
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ethan.the.hunt
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Queen_of_darkness16
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Royo101
no..to young.. you should probabaly keep a closer eye on her if shes going to be doing theese types of things
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FLuffeeTalks
Poor little girl she must have been all like ''What's a virginity?''And you're all like ''don't worry now continue licking my nuts''.
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OuCh_ThAt_HuRt
I guess if it was my we 1 I would casually sit her down and ask her what she meant. I would ask her where it happened and with who.
I would hope that she tells me a boy her own age and not the 50 yr old dude next door.
I would be cautious as to what I say as to not lay blame on her or make her feel guilty as she probably already does.
She has come to you to let you know she has taken a large step in her life.. How you handle it is going to shape how she views sex.Comment Hidden ( show ) -
Xarius
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breeanna2fine
I know this from experince so yes it is.when i was 12 i had just moved into this new house i was in 8th grade.my friend michele hukedme up with this guy i never meet.so i said yes.when i saw him at school the next day he so ugly but i thought u were a slut if u break up with a guy in lease than two weeks.so i stayed with him.one day me michelle, robert,and justin went to drop off michelle but then her parents werent home so we went inside.michelle left to another room and all the guys were all over me.so i wasyelling 4 michelle and she finally came.then she us in the garage.there is a door the goes in the washroom then lead2 another door then thats the rest of the house.so my boyfriend got mein the washroom i didnt want to do it but my friend and robert and justin were doing god knows what so i went along with it mike picked me up and put me on the washamichine so we were kissing and he was trying 2 undress me.so finally my friend open the door and they are all staring.while i am trying to fix my shirt.michelle kinda kicked them out and thank god she saved me.most of the school werent even virgins so i am still thanking her for saving my virginaty 4 lyk 3 months but its fine at least i lost it to a cute virgin as well.and 2 all those parents of teenagers,you caint stop ur kids from having sex my parents were the strickest parents ever so all u can do is explain everything.my parents never had that talk with me.give them protection and tell them u trust them with it.but it will happen and u caint control it trust me.
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[Old Memory]
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1marcelfilms
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flock1234
um.. i would put that under police ivestigation to find out if she has been raped or malested
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psm45
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kellstar79
If my 12 year old came to me and told me that I would die!! That's way too early an age for sex!! Although unfortunately it happens :(
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Shaung1
Its normal, not being rude but its true,, 12 is the age where they start to properly explore thier sexuality
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Its_Called_Love
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ashes.=D
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cookiesaregreat
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IrishPotato
Yeah well, the thing is. I feel that losing your virginity should be done when you feel comfortable with it. I agree, 12 is a bit young, but it's her mind and body, not yours.
And if this girl wanted to, and did it safely, why not?
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dreamerboy
I have know a few girls who have lost thiers at that age and some all family members.
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cookiesaregreat
But that is just.. well its a child, a mom should protect her child from things like sex, drugs, criminal behavior, etc. I think it will have a bad influence on the rest of her life.
just my opinion tho.Comment Hidden ( show )
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Its_Called_Love
A 12 year old isn't even a teenager. And most 16 old and other teenagers aren't "emotionally ready" or "mature" in any sense, they just don't have the morals, self control and maturity needed to take that on. What if that 12 got pregnant? Would she be able to drive? Or even work? I Canada the youngest you can be and work is 15. Thats a fast track to messing up your life. I had boyfriends since I was 15, but I never slept with any of them, because frankly I didn't want to become a teen mom or ruin my life for some guy whose name I wouldn't remember in 10 years. Instead I exercised my self control and didn't give it up to the first, second, third, etc guy who wanted me. I had sex when it felt right with someone I loved dearly and it was a great experience.
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