Is it normal for a child to have considerably older friends?

Thank you for your thoughtful response! I think you are right, and the real issue that I am concerned about is that the girl in question seems not to be a good friend. I suppose I'm more concerned as to her behaviour, as it seems quite immature, even more immature than my son's, and more immature than many other children's much younger than her.

yes this is normol ,it proboly means he is more mature than most kids his age so he would prefere the older children and if he is smart enough and freindly enough thier no wonder why the older children would dislike him and generally older kids find smaller kids cute alot of the time .

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. Yes, that is one of my concerns, that this girl doesn't seem to be a good friend. It has occurred to me that the question I really should have asked was "Is it normal for a thirteen year old girl to only want to associate with younger children, and to be the least mature one in the group"!

As for why the little chap wants to hang around her, I think that it is mostly because she is older, and friends with two of his older friends.

I think we will focus on the issue of how friends should treat each other in talking with my boy, and not stress the age issue.

Thank you again!

Thank you for taking the time to reply. In thinking it over, I realised my wife and I have friends with a broad range of ages, as well. I suppose it is somewhat of a double standard to feel that is desirable in an adult, but a concern in a child.

The bigger concern for me, really, is the older girl's behaviour, and the fact that my son seems to wind up essentially having to be the more mature one. When my daughter was this girl's age, she was nothing like this girl, so the behaviour is not anything I can relate to or know is just part of the normal spectrum of thirteen year old girl behaviour.

The fact that the girl seems to constantly come up with inappropriate ideas, and that she tries to get into fist fights with the boys (including my son) is my main concern. Yes, I do hope my son quickly outgrows her. However, if the bad behaviour and what I perceive as bullying continue, I feel I should intercede and limit their interactions.

Thanks again for your response.

He does have another girl, who is eight, with whom he has the sort of relationship you describe. They bicker and argue, but alternately can be close friends. However, in the case of the thirteen-year-old, I am not sure.

You bring up something to consider, and I'll consult my wife and see what she thinks. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Yes, I agree with you again. He definitely wants to copy his big brother and his older mates. I think that's where he has even become aware of some of these films and games.

I do think some of them are too intense and not appropriate for a boy of nine. For example, games like Bioshock and Bioshock II, the Resistance Series, the Silent Hill games, etc. He puts up less of a fuss about being forbidden to play certain games than he does about films and scary books.

My concern was that he gets extremely scared and sometimes rather upset about the scary stuff. If he was taking it all in stride, that would be one thing. The usual pattern is:

Son watches a scary film or reads scary stories

Son talks over the film or story to friends and seems fine

Nighttime comes

Son tries to be brave, but overactive imagination switches on

Son resists bedtime, then wants to stay up reading and doing things to avoid sleeping

Son either stays up late into the night, or has night terrors, or tries to sleep in his brother's or parents' room, or wanders the house like a phantom and tries to go turn on the telly at 2 AM

Son is cranky and out of sorts the next day due to lack of sleep

Son's sleeping pattern is thrown off and he wants to stay up late for subsequent nights, causing rows at bedtime

Son wants to talk excessively about the parts of the film/story that disturbed him, or alternately, insists that is not what caused the problems at all (this one is especially frustrating)

A week or so later, son has bounced back and wants to expose himself to inappropriate scary films, books, etc again

Parents are sleep deprived and annoyed to be engaging in negotiations with nine-year-old

Thank you for your honest and straightforward reply. I definitely don't want to objectify my son. I do try to put myself in his shoes, and also to recall my own feelings when I was his age.

The biggest issue for me is that I was very different to my son in terms of temperament, when I was his age. Yes, I liked ghost stories and haunted houses, and liked scary films. But for one thing, the sort of scary films I saw were not as graphic in terms of violence as current scary films. For another, I was not as sensitive, and never had night terrors or anything like that.

My older son was not keen on horror films at his brother's age, so this wasn't an issue with him. He also was much less sensitive in general. Every child is different, so what worked with his brother doesn't always work with him

As for the issue with the older girl, I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt. She is a thirteen year old child, after all. I don't think she is a bad person, and don't want to add to any trouble she has. However, when she seems to have a negative impact on my son, I naturally want to defend and protect my son.

As I said in a previous post, the thing that concerns me is more the fact that she is so much older, but so much less mature. My son is, in my opinion, in the normal range when it comes to maturity levels for a nine year old. So, it concerns me when a thirteen year old repeatedly puts him in a position where he essentially has to look after her.

Thank you for your well-thought-out response. You've given me food for thought, and I appreciate your being candid.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. In my boy's case, although he is classified as "gifted" by the school, he does get along well, in general, with children in a range of ages. While he can see the world from a mature perspective in some respects, he also can enjoy running about outside playing with lightsabres and shouting his head off. I would say in general he is well adjusted, with good social skills.

I think the question I should have asked should have focused more on what I perceive as the abnormal behaviour of the older girl. My son's other older friends occasionally engage in some friendly ribbing, and he can give as well as he gets. However, with this girl, the teasing seems to be more mean spirited, and she seems quite immature, even babyish, emotionally. I would say my son's emotional/psychological IQ and age are higher than the girl's, but he is just nine and can be quite sensitive, so her mean spirited nature can quite upset him at times.

I'm a believer in parents letting kids work out their own social issues, but I'm concerned that in this case, I should step in. Thank you for the suggestion on the book. I will check it out and give it a read.