Is it normal for an existential crisis to give me such an anguish?

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14 Comments

I was always a person that enjoyed having time to think and analyze things about life. Mostly, I think that having this mental debates is good. I believe that in some way, that has made me a tolerant and prudent person. However, I have reached a dead end. There is something that for years has been tormenting me in a way that I am not sure you would understand.

Why do we come to this world? And, what happens after we die?

These are the questions that I have been trying to answer myself. But I actually don't even want to dwell more into this matter, because it fills me with grief and anxiety.

I was raised as a religious person, but for all intents and purposes, I am agnostic. So basically, there are a few options that I have been thinking about.

a) We die and lose consciousness forever. We just switch out and that's it for eternity.
b) We transmigrate to a different realm, where we live for eternity doing something else.
c) We die, but we don't lose consciousness. Our soul somehow stays in Earth forever, with our bodies unable to move for all eternity.
d) Our souls break apart and forms a new one, that gives live into a new being. These pattern keeps repeating through eternity.

As you probably noticed, I mentioned "eternity" in all options. There is something about the vastness of eternity that makes me feel extremely uneasy. I don't want "eternity". Even if it is an eternity of happiness, it would still be unavoidable and unending. It just makes me feel so anxious to think that there is a chance that my consciousness could remain on and on and on and on... forever.

However, the option A, instantly fading away forever, also makes me uneasy. Because... what is the point of living if we are all going to disappear anyway? Seriously... what's the point? We have no apparent mission, we are just an accident in some way. We just have this misfortuitously acquired instinct of surviving and reproducing. Is that truly all there is to life? I am not sure I even want to reproduce... so... is my life even less meaningful then?

I don't know if I was able to convey my pain, but this is just something that has been in my head for so long, like a virus. I kind of wish I never dwell so much into these existential debates.

I have physically suffered for this. Sometimes I feel a real pressure on my chest, as if something was just crushing my heart. And yet, I am only sure about something, this is a problem with no solution and it will only get worse and worse as I get older and closer to death.

I have tried to speak about this with a few people... but no one seems to understand me. And well, I was just hoping to see if someone here has ever had these thoughts. So, is any of this normal?

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86% Normal
Based on 14 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • college
    10 years ago

    Long Post But Worth The Read!

    I absolutely understand this, I've been wondering the same thing lately and it's terrifying me. However, I've concluded that death itself isn't frightening (it's actually as peaceful as you can get, living is harder), it is all the anticipation beforehand. Most people worry about HOW they die rather than the fact that they are going to. While I'm not sure about the soul, I know that we are energy, and energy is neither created nor destroyed, it just is and will always be. So I suppose in that sense everything is immortal. We are made up of things that existed billions of years ago, and we will make up things for billions of years to come.

    Also, think of the other half of this, the fact that you're alive is incredible. You get to have a life. Think of how many fertile people there were on this earth the day you were born (millions perhaps billions). On average, each of those fertile people who are female had about 1-2 million eggs at birth, and are left with about 300,000-450,00 by the time they hit puberty, of those, only 300-400 get ovulated, that's already 999,600-1,999,700 people that won't have the opportunity to experience consciousness! Per female!! Now let's look at the males. Throughout a male's lifetime he'll ejaculate approximately 7500 times. The amount of sperm in one ejaculation ranges from 40,000,000-1,200,000,000. ONE of these sperm gets to fertilize the egg. In order for you to exist, the right sperm has to fertilize the right egg, imagine all of the possible combinations. Also, just think about the fact that your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and all of the people in your familial chain also had to win the lottery of life in order to eventually produce you. What were your chances of you being born? You do the math.

    What I'm trying to say is that YOU ARE A FRIGGIN MIRACLE!!!!! You get to experience consciousness, LIVE IT UP DUDE!!!!

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    • tittle
      10 years ago

      7500 in a lifetime? Pfft..that's my week

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    • ViolenceAgainstTheState
      10 years ago

      I like that.

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    • smokydherbz
      10 years ago

      I thought more ejaculation but eh

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Personally, I don't believe that "being a miracle" eases the situation in any way. I could turn the argument around quite easily... being alive and conscious is an exceptional misfortune.

      And who knows, if we do believe in souls, we could say that any sperm can get any soul anyway.

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      • college
        10 years ago

        I don't talk about souls that often because there are so many different ways to define "soul" and I couldn't tell you definitively which definition is accurate. However, I define a soul as energy, which is why I said that everything is immortal in that respect (so yes, you're right, a sperm could have a soul using this definition).

        For me, consciousness is a privilege unless your life is nothing but suffering, then perhaps it is more desirable to be dead (or lack consciousness). I find the misfortune comes from being too aware of our own mortality. While I believe everyone's birth is a highly improbable and extraordinary event (e.i. a miracle), that doesn't make death any less terrifying and mysterious. Since I've been afforded the opportunity to experience life, something that so many have not, I'm going to take this opportunity and make the best of it.

        However, if you find your life misfortunate (which I sincerely hope you don't), my goal isn't to change your mind, it's just to give you another perspective. I find that I get too much into my own head and sometimes it's helpful to hear other opinions and perspectives.

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  • jeebley
    10 years ago

    I definitely understand your anguish!
    The idea of eternity freaks me out too! That's just such a horrible thought.
    But really, when your body decomposes you have to lose all consciousness.... so I find that kind of comforting.

    If we remain as an energy, then we must have been like that before birth and I don't remember that being bad, so I'm sure it's ok...:)

    And if there is no point, or we're just minds controlling these mammal 'robots' that only exist because they found the ability to reproduce...then well.... Well I drink, but I know that's not good advice! Just enjoy it I guess...

    "It's just a ride...............

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    • Tommythecat.
      10 years ago

      Yay bill!

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      • jeebley
        10 years ago

        Yeh! He's made a few appearances lately, I see ;)

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        • Tommythecat.
          10 years ago

          ;p

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    After 66 years on this planet, I can tell you what life (this life) means to me. It is the only life I shall ever have, (obviously option A for me) and I don't want to waste a minute of it. Absolutely the saddest thing I can think of is to be on your death bed and regret the things you didn't do.
    "b) We transmigrate to a different realm, where we live for eternity doing something else." What an absolutely abhorrent thought; live for eternity? Please no.
    "c) We die, but we don't lose consciousness. Our soul somehow stays in Earth forever, with our bodies unable to move for all eternity." Claustrophobia anyone?
    "d) Our souls break apart and forms a new one, that gives live into a new being. These pattern keeps repeating through eternity." Eternity is a long, long time; don't you think you'd get tired of having your soul repeatedly ripped apart?
    I think you are over thinking things. Enjoy this life to the fullest and if there is something after; enjoy that!

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  • smokydherbz
    10 years ago

    Have you ever thought of human life as an oraganism, like a cell that keeps evolving to survive in its surrounding enviorments, if souls are energy (awsome perspective),and energy is life then even the most insignicant of germ has a soul, now that being said, we have steralized, purified and sanitized millions of souls a day, what if we are like the white blood cells fighting off infection and the world is an organ on the brink of collapse, white blood cells are good for you but if you have an exeedingly amount it could do you harm, now maybe the point of life is to find a way to kill the infection before it gets out of our control or we end up losing because of abunce in cells (war, famine, global warming -infection) (over-exceeding amount of blood cells- over population of the world) if the white blood cells could just quit the bullshit then maybe they would have a chance to save the collapsing organ that is our world, ultimately our selfishness, greed, vengefulness is our downfall and ther is nothing we can do about it, we are destined to fail and dye off just like scab

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    • smokydherbz
      10 years ago

      I think of the same things every day

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  • TheMightyOz
    10 years ago

    Try this. Don't think of eternity as being trapped while time goes by, think of it a state where time has stopped. You are simply frozen in time and frozen in a state of mind. There is no more time. Time is irrelevant.

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