Is it normal for my dad to act like this?

25% Normal
2 Comments

hello, i'm back. i asked around 2 weeks ago if it was normal for my dad to act like how i described, and 75% of people said no. i took note of this, and planned on talking to him. bad part is, my dad had to work overtime 11/14 of those days until 2-5 am, and on the rest he was angry from people at work. (one of the workers ended up getting a dui, and he had to fire her) so i didnt have much time, so i was planning on talking to him around late november or early december. my plans were cut short yesterday, as he lost his fucking shit and went insane. my brother has legally undiagnosed autism, but my mums friend who specializes in educating kids with mental disabilites says he has something, but he can't tell when to stop and peoples emotions by their face, basically. he had gotten his joycons taken away until he cleaned his room to his switch. he was going upstairs, shutting his door, and going back down less than a minute later to ask for them back, repeat. my dad lost his limit, and screamed 'go clean your fucking room'. i was in the upstairs restroom brushing my teeth, and i heard it loud and clear like i was right there, so i dont want to imagine what my brother felt. so he runs up crying, and my mum goes after him. my mum comforts him, and i just sat in the bathtub wth the door locked. then we hear breaking and shattering. so my mum runs down there, and i run to my brother. i dont know exactly what happened, but what i do kow is that my dad was breaking our xbox, tv, my phone and ipad, and put a hole in our wall. i do not want to 100% say this, this may not be true, but i believe my father hit or hurt my mum in some way, as i hear her scream and my dad screaming 'fuck you and fuck *my brothers name* and fuck *my name*'. i snuck off the my brothers room, and got him behind me as we hid under his bed with the door shut. the screaming stops for a bit and then i took him to my room, as it has a lock. he's under my bed, and im in my closet. my mum comes in and says that we are going to my nans, and thats where i currently am. im not allowed to leave this hosue, or even have the binds open, as he knows her adress and knows thats where i am. i dont know what to do. i want to report him, as i know he will get worse and worse until someone knocks him off his high horse, but he's my dad and i still love him no matter what he does. the last time i remember him telling me he loved me was a month ago when we were watching south park. other than that, he never even says he loved me back when he leaves for work. i know its little, but it fucking hurts when all i want to do is make him proud and he repays me like this. so, is this normal?

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25% Normal
Based on 8 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • Boojum
    3 years ago

    I was one of those who responded the last time and suggested you try to talk to your father to offer him what support and understanding you could.

    What you describe him doing here is way, way over the line. Whatever is going on in his working life and in his head, this sort of behaviour can never be tolerated, and your mother was very right to extract herself and you and your siblings from the situation.

    I'm sorry to say it, but I think you should brace yourself for things to get worse before they get better. I obviously have no idea how your mother will deal with this, but it's unfortunately very common for women to go back to men even after an outburst such as what you witnessed. Sometimes that's because there's no alternative in practical terms. Sometimes it's because the man convinces them that they'll change. Sometimes it's because the woman believes that things will be better if she changes her behaviour.

    Most of the time, that doesn't work, and the odds of things continuing in a downward slide are much, much worse if the guy doesn't get help with learning how to cope with his stress, anger and frustration in a positive way. Lots of times, guys will promise to do this, but they never carry through. Sometimes, this is because they believe they're behaving how a man should and they don't really want to change, but they also might be afraid of unpleasant facts about the person they are that they'll have to confront if they seek counselling or other psychiatric help.

    It's common for kids in situations like this to feel very conflicted. On the one hand, they love the parent who's responsible for the problems, but they hate how they're behaving and how they're making them feel afraid and unloved. One thing you have to try to understand is that you are not responsible for what's going on with your father. Not even your brother is responsible for what your father did. Your father is an adult, and assuming he doesn't have serious mental health issues, he has the power to decide how he will react to whatever he experiences in life. If he does have serious mental health problems, then he's ill, and he needs help in order to get better.

    I don't know where you live and nor have you said how old you are, but if you live in the UK and you're under 18, I suggest you contact Childline. The volunteers there are unfortunately very familiar with talking to kids in situations such as yours. Even if you're over 18, it might be worthwhile calling Childline to outline what's going on and to ask for their advice on who you might contact to talk through the situation, your feelings, how you can cope with this and what you might do that could help your mother, your siblings and your father.

    If you live in another country, there will probably be advice lines available to you there.

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  • DP1-2000
    3 years ago

    Maybe your dad has a cognitive error that causes psychotic tendancies. You need to create a patching program.
    It is also possible that your dad may simply be the human version of a maverick. Something caused psychotic outbursts like this, I don't know what it could be.

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