Is it normal i gave my brother a handjob?
Hi,
First off, I know this isn't normal, but I am hoping for any advice that you guys/girls may have.
I am 22. A few nights ago my brother (25 yrs) asked me if I could give him a handjob. He told me he'd do it himself, but that it wasn't working for him and that he wasn't able to go see his girlfriend, so I agreed and did that for him, 2 times actually. I also let him play with my boobs. This was my first sexual experience ever, if that matters. (Not by choice).
I can't stop thinking about what happened with my brother; I feel ashamed and beyond embarrassed, especially when I'm around family. I am actually trying to avoid my family at the moment, because my dad came extremely close to catching my brother and I, and our dad was REALLY REALLY suspicious. He even saw that my brother's pants were unbuttoned (they were pulled up, just didn't have enough time to button them).
Anyway, I was raised in a christian home and my parents are against things like: incest, being gay, and so on. They believe all these people go to hell. I also believe in God (though I do have doubts) and I'm scared I'll go to hell for being sexual with my own brother and to be honest, I want him to have sex with me. He probably would too if I ever told him this. I want to tell him... But one of the reasons I haven't is I still live with my parents; Really hoping to move out soon.
Also, when I think about my brother's girlfriend being together with him, I feel jealous. I guess I've always had a bit of a crush on him, and I am ALWAYS making sure I look okay when my brother's around.
I realize it would be best if I stopped feeling this way about my brother, but I really don't know how. (other than maybe finding a boyfriend, but unfortunately am not able to do that at the moment). Any advice?
Thanks in advance!