Is it normal i hate my old friends?
So some history on me about 2 years ago I had gotten out of a third abusive relation/friendship. Let's call these jerks the Kyles. And i took a moment to self reflect and figure why I had so many abusive relationships in my life. It kept happening to me! How come people close to me just didn't care or went out of their way to hurt me. After a lot of meditating I realized that I did in fact have an abusive childhood and it skewed my idea of self respect. When I was young I never minded when people said horrible things or were cruel to me because my family was so much worse and they loved me. Sometimes I even invited the abuse I would brag about how I can take it. I didn't mind when people called me "Stupid, ugly, fat, or useless." so i never protested. I told people that they don't need to care about me. The reason why I dealt with so many Kyles was because I invited them in, I invited abuse. I guess I thought deep down these guys had my back but when put to the test the jerks were just jerks on the inside too.
It was a hard realization but I made an effort to practice some self-respect and really take care of myself. In my mid 20s I tried hard to keep mean-spirited humor out of my mouth. Never invited people to insult me. When someone said something hurtful I'd just say "please don't say that" and that was enough. Heck I started volunteering. And it worked there was a lot less abuse in my life and the new maturity (and lack of people putting me down all the time) led to some great moves for me professionally. I ended up moving to a big city for a better job.
...
This new city is where the relevant problems are... I'm having a lot of trouble making new friends. I'm unfamiliar with the area and a lot of my new coworkers are much older than me and its hard to connect. But the thing that made it harder was some of my older friends moved in to the city. Naturally I wanted to see them again and say hi. But I personally changed so much since i saw them last. When I was hanging out with them all the insults started flowing out their mouths with jealousy and accusations that i don't deserve my new job or demands that i owed them as a friend. I realized it wasn't just 3 Kyles i dealt with, oh no they were exceptionally bad, but MOST of my old friends had abusive qualities. Hanging out with them I felt awful and I kept getting flashbacks of all the verbal, emotional, and physical abuse the Kyles put me through and my friends just watched an did nothing or laughed.
So now i'm freaking out because i'm afraid i can never connect with ANYONE from my past because they saw me as a person that was okay to be an asshole towards. I have bumped into 5 people from different stages of my life in this new city and they were all awful. I'm in a new city with no "close" new friends after 6 months(couple casual friends) and 5 old friends that want to be close with me but enjoy treating me like dog shit. I'm even afraid to make new friends knowing i attract just bad people.
I'm in such weird place i have no idea what to do. I tried to google solutions but i couldn't find anything similar to my problems now i'm here. Please any advice or just stories from people in similar situations would help me out. Thankyou for reading all this.
TL;DR
I realized I had so many abusive relationships in my life because of my own personality and lack of understanding what a healthy relationship is. I practiced some self-respect and my life got better and I moved the big city for a new job.
But in this city with my new self-respect I bumped into old friends and they were all abusive. I'm freaking out because now I think all of my past friendships and relationships are based on abusing me. I don't know how to deal with these cruel people i have history with that want to get close me now. I also don't have a lot of friends in the city.