Is it normal i know its only a matter of time before i go crazy?

Sounds like you have EXACTLY the same symptoms as me. Imagining fake illness and having panic attacks, and imagining some strange type of OCD to explain it. Even down to the drinking it away at night and it being worse in the morning! Eventually I could not live with it anymore, and I saved up money to go to my local walk in clinic (cost me 90 bucks).

They diagnosed me with severe anxiety disorder and put me on Celexa. The downside of this was that Celexa takes about a week and a half to start working and build up in your system, the upside being that since then I have been completely myself again. No more panic attacks, no more random fake illness, no more trying to explain these random fake illness's with other fake illness. Also, I have even received permission from my doctor to drink with it as long as I do not have the two in my stomach at the same time.

It will not affect your mood, or presence of mind, and it will only make you tired about the first 3 days you take it. I just took my daily pill as I was typing this actually!

Please, stop what you are doing, immediately. Go to a local university and ask them if they have cheap or free clinical services, go to the Health and Human Services department in your local area and ask them if you qualify for government health insurance.

I saw this a few months ago with a young man around your age. Had problems, but he loved his little girl and died of a drug overdose doing the exact same thing that you are doing, and his daughter's father was taken from her before she was old enough to say his name, weeks after she was born.

Please, quit doing those drugs and quit drinking so much. I understand that life is hard and the economy is rough, but I'm sure that the mother of your child is dealing with enough pain herself having to raise a baby all alone, and your child needs you. Please, google some phone numbers and universities in your area that may provide free or cheap health services and do what is best for your baby and yourself. Your life is worth it, you may not believe it now but your life is worth much more than you think it is.

Any time you take unprescribed prescription drugs, you're plain doing drugs. It's not going to help you because you aren't a doctor. You can't choose how much you should take and what you should be taking.
You don't even know if you need what you're taking.
If you want to be a present father (which is commendable), you should first stop drinking and taking pills. There are certain places that can help you find better alternates to your problems, cheap or free. Look into that. It shouldn't be too difficult to find.
Good luck.

this isn't a 'conspiracy theory'. this is just plain nuts. The pharmaceutical cartels would love for us to just be zombies. That is why they prescribe all this stupid fucking ADD and ADHD bullcrap! Listen to your inner voice. The age of enlightenment is upon us.. Just embrace your soul and ask yourself what you need to do to become enlightened. This may sound nutty, but all i'm saying is love yourself and love mother earth and ask yourself, what is real? what is it??

Sad...but this is a typical American now...

Man ive got pictures of someone who is the hatred of nt conspiracy theorists everywhere in my 1 room apartment. I've got no need for friends. I turn into a NT conspiracy theorist every other thursday though. So I might be the crazy on in this situation.

Fuck the JRC.

do what i done EMBRACE THE CRAZY CHOP OF A FEW HEADS CANT MAKE A OMLET WITHOUT CRACKING A FEW EGG [heads]

but its ok