Is it normal i need answers from him?

80% Normal

I’ve recently started dating... I was dating someone for 3 months and everything was good until he decided he didn’t want me. He vanished... I probably shouldn’t have tried to get him to stay... but I did. Anyway I was upset for sometime but I’ve now got over the hurt and just miss him. I’ve been on other dates and I’m speaking to others, but the spark just isn’t there like it was with the first guy.

I gave them all a chance but it all comes back to the first guy. It doesn’t help that the first guy just got up and left when everything was fine between us. I feel if he didn’t like me or want me he would’ve said... or it would’ve gone sour first. He even gave me his hoodie and said give me it back next time.

There was no next time. But I’m steuggling to move forward. I see him online and wanna say hey... or ask him if he’s ok.
He’s probably fine and moved on... and I’m sat here struggling too.

I wonder if he’ll realise he let something good go?
My gut is telling me there’s a lot more to this than how he explained. I felt he tried to push me away.

But despite all that I feel I need answers for closure to be able to move on...
In my mind it would’ve been easier in the long run if he had have told me he’d found someone else or what he really felt.

I don’t know what happened but yeh. I don’t know whether to message him or keep going. It’s nearly been a month.

Voting Results

80% Normal

Based on 15 votes (12 yes)

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Comments ( 15 )

(s)aint

5 years ago

Trust me, you won´t get any answers or closure. At least you should not Count on it.

I was in a similar position about four years ago. Everything was normal, then it was not and I was dumped (Over FB)

I distracted myself and when a few weeks had passed he wanted to meet up to talk because he felt bad.

I did not fall for it, he deserved to feel bad.

Point is, don´t.
Leave it be.
It gets better and you´ll find someone else.
/Now living with someone and we have tons of pets.

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- RoseIsabella
  
  5 years ago
  
  Right on!
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Guess what? He’s got another woman.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  You know when you just know In your gut you’ve been pushed away and had excuses made so you go that’s how I feel.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  All I need is answers not him back. Cause I feel it was my fault.
  
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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

It's understandable why you'd be upset, and find it difficult to move on. That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't. Perhaps you ought to be asking yourself if it's worth sacrificing your peace of mind for someone who CLEARLY doesn't care enough to be upfront with you.

This ghosting that people do these days is so unhealthy. Habitually avoiding taking responsibility for one's feelings leads to many mental health issues, not to mention countless missed opportunities for personal development, and drama/heartache for those being ignored. It's very abusive. You're better off without people who behave like this in your life.

Also, you are aware of the differences between "need" and "want," yes? We _need_ air, water, shelter, food, etc., and we *want* everything else, but life will go on without the latter.

You want closure? Then take it. You don't need him for that. All you need is a change in perspective.

Remember: If you don't believe you deserve better than this, neither will the people you date. It's not up to anyone else to "make" you feel good about yourself. Once you give over power for your happiness to external sources, you're forever a victim.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Yeh I know. I just care about the boy. And can’t help but think he’s pushed me away because he’s struggling that’s all.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    5 years ago
    
    That's understandable. It's an unfortunate affair, and hopefully, the take away lesson (whatever that ends up being for you) will make this current pain worth it. If nothing else, I hope you remember how hurt you feel being ghosted, and you never do that to another.
    
    Not that I'm assuming you would, but sometimes people take their pain out on others, as perhaps he is doing to you right now.
    
    Thank you for sharing.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      Well. I was about to message him... and he’d blocked me off everything so my friend checked his Instagram and there he was with another woman. The same woman he’d started tagging in things 10 days after he left me.
      So I text him because I needed closure and to say what I had to say. He said he wasn’t lying, and that I was good enough it was just the affection. He said he’d blocked me because he didn’t want me to see what he was posting... I was like so you weren’t ready for a relationship with me ? But are with her? He said he wasn’t in a relationship. No such as a sorry bye or fuck all.
      
      I just wish he’d have been straight with me.
      
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      - [Old Memory]
        
        5 years ago
        
        I wish humans were incapable of lying, period.
        
        Seems neither us will get our wishes. Best to accept that reality so we can get on with learning to be examples of what we wish to see in the world. Change must start with ourselves.
        
        Nonetheless, I empathize with your sadness, disappointment, confusion, etc.
        
        Grief comes in 5 stages, and it's a process. Learning more about the stages, and what to expect can be helpful. If for no other reasons than to gain validation that what you're feeling is normal and to discover more positive ways to heal. To ease your burden, here's a good starting point:
        
        https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/
        
        Give yourself time, and for goodness sake, unless you enjoy emotional pain, work at positively redirecting your thoughts and actions so you're not constantly thinking about or checking up on him. Checking up on him is seriously counter-productive, period. Don't do it. Like ever.
        
        Hang in there. This too shall pass. Promise.
        
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Vanilla_Dpad

5 years ago

I hate to be that guy but it was 3 months.
I understand it feels like a big thing when you're younger but 3 months isn't a big deal. Trust me.
Move on.

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drunkdrow

5 years ago

Honestly he sounds like a coward. You arent ever going to get answers from him, as hard as that is to hear. I dont know what to tell you other than that honestly, im sorry. Just keep tough, and dont go looking for someone to make you feel better. Ive learned that the best people in our times come from the most unexpected places, and that its best to just learn to keep yourself happy the best that you can (no one is happy all the time) and keep being yourself, and some day you'll find someone who genuinely likes you for who you are. My wife and i didnt have sex for the first month of dating (my decision because she thought she might have herpes, and warned me on our third date and i didnt want to risk getting it on someone i barely knew, even though i liked her a lot). There are a lot of men out there who will try to just use you and toss you aside the same way, and i really dont know how to deal with that being a man myself. I wish i could help more, but i promise you there is nothing wrong with being single for a while, despite what society says, id say its actually a healthy thing (and gets easier to do every day) and makes you really think about what you're looking for in a partner. Some men are just weak, and dont want to feel like it so they ignore problems in their lives. I hope you have better luck in the future, just dont let this one person bring you down, there are still a lot of good men out there.

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LoveDenise

5 years ago

You should just ask him! If he doesn't give you a answer why he vanish out of your life just move on. There is no reason to keep holding on!

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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

Sorry, but I got tired of reading after the first paragraph.

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IrishPotato

5 years ago

Ask him though. Say to him you don't wanna get back or something but you just want to know and he'll be more inclined to tell.

At least you'll know.

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal i need answers from him?