Is it normal i wish my mother dead?
I I know some people may come onto this and think "gees, that's awful" or "oh she's in a mood and doesn't mean it" but truly I do. I often fantasies that one day when I hear my mum outside my room about to walk down the stairs that she trips and falls. And in this fantasy I merely put my headphones in and listen to a bit of whatever comes on via shuffle. And then my dad would come home, and she would have lost too much blood and that would be that.
I know this seems psychotic so let me fill you in. I'm 20 years old and every time I look at my mother or have to suffer her existence, I feel boiling rage and hatred. Don't think for one minute I would harm her. All I wish is that God would do me a favour and strike her down with an incurable illness and she would be out of my hair before 21 comes along.
She was a teen mum and ever since I can remember I have looked after myself. I made my own breakfast, got myself ready for school and she would still be in bed when I came home at 3pm. She re writes the past mind whenever you ask her, according to her I had a blissful childhood. My mums a woman who gets anything by laying on her back, she had me which equalled a house, then my sister which landed her another man with money, and finally my new Daddy who has paid for us to live in a nice house and for her lazy ass to smoke 20 a day and then make out 'that she worked for it'. I should also mention that she is disabled, not in a big way, not disabled when she wants to go to the Download Festival (yeah she loves rock and makes sure that every one of my friends knows how 'Boring and Old fashioned' her daughter is and how in touch she is.), but anyway, when she wants to go out with her scum friends shes not disabled but when it comes to cleaning the house or helping me or my sister out or EVEN getting a job then suddenly her leg hurts. I do not remember my Mother ever holding down a job to be honest.
I should also mention that Daddy number 2 used to physically hurt me, bruises and the like. But as my Mother so often re writes history ("oh no, you must be mistaken that never happened. you really need to see a doctor about these lies.") it never apparently happened. I was always round my Grandparents as a child, cried when I had to go home. My nan always protects my mum, saying to stop criticising my mum as she's a great mum and has 'issues' that shes addressing. She has now even given my mum a shitty job answering the phones for her business for £80 a week. And what has my mum done? Made out how her job is more important then mine (Im a PA for a top company in Oxford for gods sake) and how Nan and her have this special bond I'll never have. The job is a glorified answer phone,She also sits on her ass playing on facebook apps all day(even when doing the job), then swans off in her lovely sports car to buy fags and whatever she feels like because she can afford it! LOL
I briefly moved out a year ago and ended up with a violent boyfriend (who also raped me). When I did come to my mum for help she told me ' I'd made my bed'. Only because of my nan intervening was I 'allowed' to move back home to save up to move out again. And boy, does she let me know every day what a screw up I am. Whenever I have good news she has to outdo me, she lies, cheats and constantly belittles everyone and now thanks to her lies, my nan wants nothing more to do with me and wont believe my side.
If I try to bond with the new dad my mum will get in the way and ruin it. She bosses him around all day, sends him out at 1am for fags and has a screaming match if he doesnt, and when he gets back off a 12 hour shift she expects him to do housework!.
I'm saving up to move out again but Oxford is horrendously expensive so now having to save up for a mortgage... I also have a cat who i bought to fill the void of loneliness whilst I live here. Now she's saying im an abusive owner
does any one else have this issue?