Is it normal people are shocked by this?

78% Normal
24 Comments

My daughter used to get upset when I said I didn't need a funeral to just put my body in the compost, so I stopped making that joke and took out funeral insurance.

Recently I've shocked some people by telling them that when I get close to end stage emphysema, hopefully some years off I keep managing the disease, I will be really thin, and that I'm holding on to a few clothes which haven't fitted me for years so that at least I'll be able to wear them before I die.

They seem to be shocked not only that I'm talking about my own death but making jokes about it: what am I suppose to do, pretend it's not going to happen, shut up about it or go into depression and despair?

I've gone through all those stages and I think accepting it, postponing it as much as possible with exercise, diet & medication, living as well as I can and making jokes is healthy. What do you think?

Voting Results
78% Normal
Based on 23 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 24 )
  • CountessDouche
    8 years ago

    I think it's perfectly acceptable to have a sense of humor regarding morbid or depressing turns...or just life in general. For me, it's a way to cope, not to mention a way to accept the inevitable.

    I've joked about the death...and upcoming death of family members with my brothers; that's just how we communicate loss.

    I've also told my family I want to be chummed to sharks when I die; that's just the truth.
    <3 sharks!!!

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Thanks! I like the shark idea but I've already decided my ashes go in the beautiful river just down the hill from here, where I walk the dog most days and regain my sanity when I'm feeling crazy.

      A related issue is that I want to document not being kept alive on machines but my daughter (only child) goes into denial whenever I raise the issue, I guess because her Dad died when she was 13 and the life support was turned off at this request. That issue would only come up for reasons other than the emphysema: I have no intention of hanging around until the end of the end stage, it's horrible - but something else might put me into a vegetable state before that.

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    Tell 'em; "Don’t take life so seriously, it’s not like you are going to get out of it alive."

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  • Pseodonihm
    8 years ago

    Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

    YODA, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Fairy tales, fairy tales, more fairy tales ..... I'm an adult and an old one too, I wish some of the fairly tales were true, but my brain's still working fine, so I can't.

      My crude matter still has moments of luminosity and I treasure them while they last, they become more precious as time passes

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  • Steve2.0
    8 years ago

    When I die, I'm going to request that they put my corpse through a mulch machine and shred me to pieces, then use a powerful fan to blow the shredded pieces through the neighbourhood street.

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Yuk that sounds very messy indeed, I'm glad I don't live in your neighbourhood

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  • Unimportant
    8 years ago

    Guess what?

    In a couple of decades at the latest, all of us who have commented here, including the OP, will be being eaten by bacteria and worms.

    Isn't it fun?

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    • Steve2.0
      8 years ago

      I'm a teenager, you stupid fool. On average, I have around 70 years left.

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Or in my case, dispersed in ash form into my beautiful river. I think it might take a few more decades before the juveniles on this site reach that state, but I get your meaning.

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      • Unimportant
        8 years ago

        Yes, I might have exaggerated a bit.

        So, is this your post?

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        • Ellenna
          8 years ago

          Yep, that's me

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  • dirtybirdy
    8 years ago

    I would be the same way.

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  • ______________
    8 years ago

    Have your body frozen in a block of ice! Who knows, maybe you'll wake up 100 years from now...

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Not practical, there probably won't be enough $ in my estate to pay for the electricity to run the freezer

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  • howaminotmyself
    8 years ago

    People fear the unknown and need to come to terms with death on their own. Death makes people uncomfortable. No matter how normal it is, people will be shocked nearly every time it happens.

    It is a lot to process. Hopefully they will see your strength now and use that memory to come to terms wnith your passing when it does happen. It seems you are doing what you can to help now.

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  • VinnyB
    8 years ago

    This would be pretty normal in my family. We joke about our own deaths all the time.

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Good on ya! It's a cliche that it's the last taboo but true

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      • VinnyB
        8 years ago

        My dad has told me to dump him in a lake, and I've said to toss me in a dumpster. Funerals are for the living, what ever that feel like they need to do to feel better about my death they can do it. If they want to have the most elaborate celebration of all time, or toss me in a dumpster, they can do it. I'm not gonna give a shit, I'll be dead. I don't believe in planning my own service because, as I said, it has nothing to do with what the dead wants and every to do with what the living needs.

        Death is eternal nothingness. I enjoy my life, but when it's over, I bet I could use some eternal rest and peace. So I just don't fear death at all. When it happens, it happens. I won't be said said about it, I won't misss anyone, I won't care at all, I won't even be aware it happened. I'll just be dead.

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        • Ellenna
          8 years ago

          I totally agree! I sort of had a celebration planned, just for fun, because obviously I won't be there and I can't do a thing about it if no-one takes any notice anyway. I've helped organise some non-traditional funerals, the most memorable being a friend's son: his mates painted his coffin and we drove him from the funeral place to the crematorium in the back of a ute with his dog in the front. We got the funeral people to arrange the room so he was in the middle with everyone seated around him in a big circle and everyone had an opportunity to say a few words, have a cry, read a poem or sing a song that meant something to them.

          The only requests I've made is that they don't play "My Way" or "Hallelujah" - too cliched for me

          I've also been involved in traditional desert Aboriginal funerals, which go on for weeks and sometimes months and involve a lot of ritual wailing and sometimes payback.

          You're completely right, it's not about me by that time, it's about whoever wants to mark my passing however they want to. I don't fear death, but I don't want to die for a long while yet and when life isn't worth living any more I want to decide to leave. Nobody's business but mine.

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  • derpyderp
    8 years ago

    You have COPD?
    Trying to convince Dr's of a DNR is harder than you may imagine if you're just looking into it.
    On TV shows you simply sign the paper & it's done. Real life, not so much...
    Fair enough too, there are legal & moral implications, etc but at the same time it's your life. Tricky business : /
    Anyway, just a heads up

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      Yeah, I know it's complicated, I've been researching it for a while and have a folder of papers to fill in and sign, which then go to my daughter, my gp, my specialist doctors and all hospitals in the area. The community health organisation which is helping me with this will also advocate for me with my daughter if my wishes aren't being carried out & I'm past directly communicating them. These arrangements will only be effective if it's a question of continuing or stopping life support, they won't help if I'm in a vegetative state and not on life support.

      My life, my death ..... In Australia there's overwhelming majority support for assisted suicide with very strict conditions so that no-one is coerced into it: I'm not cocercable but some people do need protection from their families at the end of life. Some very brave gusty doctors have been defying the law and letting it be known and one was recently struck off because the person he gave information to wasn't physically ill but had a mental illness.

      One dilemma which no-one seems to have a solution to, is that I could today sign something saying I want to be euthanised if I have Altzheimers or other dementia to the extent that I can't communicate, am immobile and incontinent BUT it will be ignored if I later get dementia because then I won't be regarded as capable of confirming the decision. Catch 22 rears its ugly head yet again!

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  • TrustMeImLying
    8 years ago

    Your loved ones feel like you're disrespecting the seriousness of the situation, or their feelings. They probably value you enough to feel like you deserve the traditional good bye. What do you think about an irish wake? A celebration of one's life more than a mourning of their death. It is definitely something I have considered and thought about.

    I'd say making jokes is healthy. I'm like you. Being sick never stopped me from being goofy. Even getting bad news... I'll be in a rut for a few hours or days but then I'll get over it and be back to my usual retarded self. Even when I envision myself taking my last few breaths I can't imagine -not- making a prank or some elaborate gag

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    • Ellenna
      8 years ago

      No, it's not about that, my daughter knows where I want my ashes to go, and that there'll be a wake with lots of live rock n roll, jazz and blues from my muso mates and she says she's ok with all that, it's trying to communicate with her about the actual dying process.

      I'm about to sign papers saying on what conditions I don't want my life prolonged, but someone has to deal with the doctors and hospital about it. There's really no-one else I can give that responsibility to: her father was able to make the decision himself but what if I'm comatose or can't communicate?

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