Is it normal that i can’t say no

Sorry this is so long. When I was young girl i feel like a lot of people took advantage of me because I couldn’t say no. Females included. I never thought about girls in a sexual way. The first time I was intimate with another female was when I was very young. When I was in school Two girls from my class came inside the bathroom locked the door and talked me into it. I just remember being very nervous and i don’t know why but I was expecting some type of friendship afterwards especially since the three of us had a class together & being females & all. I was wrong. They spread rumors about me around school. They would make hurtful comments and Of course name calling was involved and I eventually got kicked out of school. All of this could have been prevented if just said no. But I never felt comfortable in school though I had bad anxiety and still do till this day.

I started middle school as soon as I moved from Seattle to the east coast. I was always bullied in school. I don’t know maybe people didn’t like me because I wasn’t like them like or I didn’t grow up on the east coast. I wasn’t really (and still not) the confident type of girl so the first guy that talked to me and asked me for my number I gave it to him. I was still very young and this guy was in high school. I was so excited because this guy seemed so interested in me. He walked me home and he starts to flirt with me. He would say im cute and I have a nice laugh etc. He saw that made me smile so he went farther with it and would say my butt is big etc. I was happy just because nobody ever looked at me like that. He kissed me in the hallway of my apt building. We talked on the phone he got to know a little bit about me and vice versa. He asked me if he could have sex with me and I said yes. I really honestly didn’t want to but I was just so happy someone was talking to me and that we were going to hang out. But I was wrong again. The next day we had sex he took my virginity and I felt so terrible everything hurt especially after he left. Of course we didn’t hang out. He was the only guy I was intimate with for awhile and we had sex multiple times after the first time. He starts talking about me like I’m some type of animal. When I started high school He starts going around school Saying things like “ oh she’s a dummy” (which meant a hoe) or “I did her so many times” and he would post things on his Facebook about me. Like I just literally started high school in a new state and I already have a bad reputation. He introduced me to his friend and tried to make me have sex with his friend. He even put his hands on me it front of his friend because We were arguing about how many times we had sex. I ended up apologizing after he hit me. I don’t know why. It just really tore me up inside. I know I can’t change the past and all but I really didn’t have to just give it up like that and I regret it till this day.

This has carried on into my adult life. On and off there has been a lot of guys who abused me and took advantage of me growing up and I still always had that young mentality just because I wanted friends. Like I would want friends so bad that I just couldn’t say no to people. I wanted to do everything he/she wanted to do. If he/she wanted to go to a party I would go even though I hate parties. If one of my “female friends” wanted my clothes I would let her have it even though I barely had any, if a guy wanted to have sex with me ... I would do it. I was never the popular type but hung out with a very small group of people that were known. Sometimes I would try to take on his/her personality just to be noticed. I do feel like a people pleaser and I know it’s not a good thing. Till this day I can’t even think straight because no one talks to me idk why that such a big thing to me ..I get really nervous when I talk to people period. It would just be better to have friends or at least people who care. I do fall into the trap a lot like when guys ask me out on a “date” I get so excited because I feel like it’s a new beginning to just find someone like me and relate to them. But maybe I just keep doing the wrong things with the wrong people I just need to look out for myself and have common Sence. Also idk if this matters but I’m adopted so I guess Idk I just wanted to be accepted by anyone i really don’t know. That’s another story but is this normal?