Is it normal that i can't do anything right?

79% Normal
13 Comments

I'm 19 years old. I don't have my drivers license, I go to community college, and when my friends go back to school (out of state) I'll only have one friend here, and she's always busy. I didn't hang out with anyone except her a few times last year between the months of October-May. My grades were alright. Then I got a job and started hanging out more...and my grades got worse. I just feel like such an irresponsible idiot. I've never kissed a boy, ever. EVER. I've never been on a date. I don't do anything. I can't. I feel like I'm depressed or something and I have bad anxiety. Also, when I try to make friends or hang out with old ones it just doesn't go well. The new friend I made was negative and unpleasant to be around...and my old friends text me telling me they miss me and when we make plans to hang out, they never follow through. I guess they're actually doing things. I just feel like I'm wasting my life. I was supposed to have an internship this summer working on the set of a film and the person never emailed me back. I followed up and nothing. He wasn't some random person I found either, he's my sister's friend's dad. TWO parents of my sisters friends stood me up for similar internships. One of the other parents offered to tell me everything she knows about the industry, I told her that would be great and that we could meet up at Starbucks or something and talk...no reply. I am well spoken okay!? I'm not an airhead, I know how to speak to adults. I seriously feel as if I'm doing things right but I'm just destined to fail.

I make new friends, they turn out to be jerks
I make plans with old friends, they flake
I try to do these internships, no one replies
I try my hardest to treat people with respect because life is short and why be rude? However, people can't do me the simple courtesy of rejecting me. i mean a REJECTION would suffice! But I was ignored which is pretty rude. I understand, that's life. I just feel like I can't get a break. Ever. A guy I was interested in recently talked to me and implied that he might be interested in me and then out of nowhere he ignores me. I used to be a total a-hole as a kid. I had more friends back then. When I was 15 I withdrew because of some...stupid crap and I lost friends and I became a new person with a newfound appreciation for life and I'm trying to make new friends and get my license but things keep getting in my way.

Why is this happening to me? I feel like a freak. No friends, no license, no boyfriend...ever. I swear I'm destined to be a cat lady. I am the only person in the world who is this pathetic. Also, I am not a downer. I don't tell anyone how I feel about this. It's too embarrassing. I act like everything's fine. I keep thinking "things will get better" but they're getting worse. I'm getting more irritable and I'm just so fed up. I do love life, I have great parents and I don't have a terminal illness but...why can't the simple things work out for me?? Maybe I should just be a total follower like my sister *sigh*.

Sorry. I write a lot.

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 47 votes (37 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • ygrowup
    11 years ago

    You write well, and sound interesting, so I believe you have the ability to change and be happy! Just need the right person in your life! Good luck with your choices

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  • Silentnight
    11 years ago

    You're waaaay too young to be feeling like this. You're practically still a baby! Your chances will come hun.

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  • [email protected]
    11 years ago

    I'm exactly like you-only your male counterpart.

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    • butternutsquash
      11 years ago

      let's get married and be totally unproductive together. we'll make so many low budget movies it'll be ridic.

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  • insidious22
    11 years ago

    Join a group in college and apply to the industry you want to work in, Film is it, on your own merits don't rely on people to get you in. your only 19 and from now until ur 30 its all about finding yourself. im 34 and still feel like you. You are not a loser . Try to get some outside counselling so you have someone in real life to unload on..I wish you all the Best me thoughts are with you..xx

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    • butternutsquash
      11 years ago

      Thanks, and for some reason the thought of joining a club makes me want to vomit all over everyone on "club day" or w/e the hell it's called. yeah. This is what I'm talking about, I wish I knew more people but I want to choose my friends. I seem to make friends with people who kind of...annoy the crap out of me. Why is it so hard to find people who enjoy butternut squash, the smiths, twin peaks, buffy the vampire slayer, and summoning the dead? GAWD.

      I'm doomed.

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  • butternutsquash
    11 years ago

    I asked my mom if she felt like this when she was my age and she said no :( which made me feel...inadequate or something. She told me, ''No, I knew what I wanted to be so I had nothing to worry about'' ugh what the hell!! She's lying. She has to be. She had me when she was still in college, she had to be freaking out. But thanks for the responses, keep them coming. They're actually making me feel better. I'm just going to try to take things one step at a time.

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  • thanksforthefreecar
    11 years ago

    Welcome to the club.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    If you plant seed in the ground inevitably some of them will fail. That's just the way of it. But don't let that discourage you from forging on.

    Also- You seem so focused on the negative. What is it about you that wants to peer into perceived downsides? Introspection is fine but anyone who spends too much time looking in the dark eventually loses their capacity to see at all.

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  • butternutsquash
    11 years ago

    I am positive. I'm always telling people to look on the bright side and I try to all the time, I just feel like I am the weirdest person on the planet. Like my family treats me like I'm so insanely abnormal. My mom is always saying she's happy I'm my own person, but then she says things like "Well most people do this...and that..." and I always feel like I'm doing everything wrong. When my parents are around I feel like I can't do anything right because I feel like they're constantly judging me. I take everything my mom says so personally and I don't really know why. I don't care what people think of me, but at the same time I have low self esteem. It's so stupid. I mean if someone judges me by what I wear or what I'm interested...screw them. I just hate feeling stupid. I always feel so incredibly stupid, all the time. ugh.

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    • Francophile22
      11 years ago

      I hear you; I have been thru things like that - abandonment, fair-weather friends, back stabbers, etc. Perhaps it's karma from a past life (which is what I think it is in my case).

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    You're only focusing on the negative aspects in your life, Debbie Downer. Cheer up. <<hug>> :)

    Make a list of all the good experiences you've had (instead of the crappy things, like you did here). Do it. Force yourself to do it. Don't whine and say you can't because you *think* there's nothing good to be had. Positivity leaves no room for excuses. If you want to start having positive experiences, you must first start with yourself. ;)

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    Buck up. You are in college and putting yourself out there and sure there are changes. If you're shot down or have set backs that's just what comes with taking the risk to live your life and not be a withdrawn turtle. Obviously you are bummed and depressed by some of your experiences. Don't be too shy or proud to get counselling support if you do not have anyone in your circle who is a good listener.

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