Is it normal that i cannot have people touching my back?

88% Normal
5 Comments

When I had just turned 13, I had been beaten badly and nearly raped. I vividly remember him holding me down by pressing his entire weight onto my back through his hands.

Ever since then, I cannot stand to have people touch my back (mostly their hands on my back). Whenever people do, I tense up and/or become violent towards them. I've learned a little self control, but I still have a really hard time with it.

Voting Results
88% Normal
Based on 32 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • iEatZombies_
    9 years ago

    It's not uncommon for someone who has been through trauma to have a memory manifest certain touches, images, smells etc as a negative feat. Your brain remembers your back being touched to be a bad thing. Your brain picked up a false pattern and cannot detach from it. You're completely normal.
    Two things I would do. One, rub your back a lot, reveal it to soft caresses and work your way into letting someone you trust touch your back. This will help you pick up a positive pattern and calm that noggin.
    Two. Get therapy, or talk to a trusted friend. To this day, talking is one of the best therapies there is. I bet even writing it here was an emotional release for you.
    I'm sorry you went through that. Good luck.

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  • deepthought33
    9 years ago

    I feel sorry for you both that you had to experience that and that something so comforting and pleasurable was taken from you. iEatZombies_ has some good advice.

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  • mrkrule
    9 years ago

    Given your circumstances that is normal

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  • numberjumber
    9 years ago

    I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. But what is happening to you is a very common post-trauma reaction called a fear memory. It's basically anything that brings up vivid memories of a bad experience. Of course, given what you've been through, none of your actions or reactions are in any way your fault. You did not ask for this. Please try your best not to blame yourself. Like iEatZombies said, therapy is your best tool to overcome this. I use therapy to help with the intense anxiety and panic disorders I developed after being abused by my older brother throughout my whole childhood and, for me, it really helps. Again, so sorry that somebody had the audacity to commit that felony against you. You are an amazing, wonderful survivor who's made it this far and that alone is incredible :)

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  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    It's a common reaction to abuse/rape. For the longest time, when I was younger, I would tense up, shiver internally, and panic whenever someone touched my back. Not only was revulsion and fear present, but so was intense rage. The only place this could have originated from was by grandmother. She used to caress me, starting from the top of my head, through my back, and down to part of my bum. Creepy. I think that I no longer have this problem now, thankfully.

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