Is it normal that i feel ashamed when i use facebook?

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28 Comments

It's like I have magnified social anxiety on facebook. I cannot update a status without feeling stupid or share something without wanting to take it back. I want to add pictures of my family, but I don't want to be judged. Mostly I just like things so people know I care. I try to comment their statuses, but the thought of so many people that I know and kind of know reading it freaks me out. I am 23 and I'm doing my best to integrate into FB culture, but it causes me agony. This anxiety is exclusive to FB - not in real life, not here and I was fine with Myspace. There is something so unforgiving and tormenting about revealing my identity on facebook.

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80% Normal
Based on 137 votes (109 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • randypete
    10 years ago

    don't use it

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  • disthing
    10 years ago

    I can see why you might be anxious. Every post is essentially a public announcement - one that can be seen over and over for as long as it remains visible to your friends. It's not like having a chat with a couple of mates in the 'real world', because that dialogue is temporary, and for the most part will be forgotten. What you say on FB is also not restricted to just those one or two friends you're talking to, but your entire extended social network of ex-classmates, cousins, that guy you spoke to once at a party etc. (unless you put effort into creating an elaborately segregated FB audience).

    Add to that the 'like' anxiety. A lot of people feel a little disappointed or ignored if they share something with everyone on FB only to have nobody 'like' or comment. You throw something out there at the risk of having nothing returned.

    I think if it's really stressing you out, you should change how you use it, or stop using it all together.

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    • Holzman67
      10 years ago

      great comment!

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  • mixwell
    10 years ago

    Stop caring soo much what people on FB think. I find it obsurd when people care soo much about a social network site that it fucks up their "real" network. If it bothers you soo much deactivate FB and focus on your real life social network.

    Just my 2 pennies.

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    • Shackleford96
      10 years ago

      ^good advice.

      Easier said than done though. OP needs to work on self-confidence.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        10 years ago

        My self-confidence is fine everywhere else though. I don't intensely regret things I say to people at my university, and I say some pretty stupid shit sometimes. I might feel embarrassed for a few moments, but I get over after about 10 minutes of thinking, like normal. On facebook this is blown out of proportion.

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        • Shackleford96
          10 years ago

          Ok. Do you know why then?

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            10 years ago

            Basically what disthing and Holzman said.

            fb seems evil. lol. I might be very self-conscious about it, but I don't think it has much to do with my self-confidence. When I do post something, I am myself, unashamed. Later I get antsy and I cringe every time I log in to see my post or share over and over again.

            I think I'm too unique for fakebook. Maybe we all are, but some of us conform. My most successful attempt was when I posted a picture of something I cooked; it reflected my personality, but still pretty conformist of me.

            Then there is the mixing of all these circles of friends that I don't care to waste my time separating. I'm a little bit different with everyone, so it's weird to show multiple sides of my personality at the same time.

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            • Shackleford96
              10 years ago

              Very well said. I suppose it may not be your self-confidence then, my mistake. I don't really have that problem very much myself, but i can definitely see where you're coming from.

              Instead of posting statuses on Facebook, maybe you could just talk to people individually through private chat or something.

              I would have said to make different groups of people that you actually feel comfortable sharing things with, but you said you don't care to separate...

              Another thing that might help would be to clear out your friends list. Delete people who aren't that important to you. It may sound harsh, but when you think about it, it's nothing personal really. There were tons of people on my FB that were just there because we happened to go to highschool together or something. We weren't even really friends and were barely acquaintances. Is it really necessary to have these people on your list 'just because?' I think not.

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  • PureLikeSnow
    10 years ago

    Facebook is for stalking people and knowing absolutely everything about every friend you have, so...

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  • Holzman67
    10 years ago

    I can definitely relate to this. It magnified my social anxiety too, and I'm not socially anxious in real life at all. I got to the point with facebook where I was so hooked on it, I was posting several things a day and when going through the news feed and seeing my own posts there, I would think of my "friends" who had less than 100 people on their lists, their newsfeeds would be full of my posts everyday. I would sometimes then go and delete posts, editing myself in an attempt to restrict my output.

    Many of the things I wrote on there were misconstrued/misinterpreted by people. It created problems for me. Alot of the time I posted something I forgot how it would read to a certain person on my list who I'd paid no mind to at the time of posting. It did my head in thinking of things I could say that were universally acceptable to my entire friend/family base and wouldn't cause me any drama.

    I think because my posts were on my profile each time I logged in, it meant I was constantly reading back over them and by doing this you start to over-analyse yourself.

    I quit facebook 5 months ago and it was the best decision I ever made. Sure I don't have 500 friends anymore, but I don't think facebook is friendship anyway, it feels more to me like voyuerism. I'm still in touch with my good friends in other ways and my friendships have improved, when I catch up with people I have so much more to talk about, without the danger they've already read about it on social media.

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  • NotStrangeBird
    10 years ago

    I would be ashamed to have anything to do with facebook. Fuck that shit.

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    • dirtybirdy
      10 years ago

      Let me just thumb this back up for ya. I am in the "never had a facebook, never will" club. Fuck that shit!!! Members are few.

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      • NotStrangeBird
        10 years ago

        Thanx Birdie.

        ...Although my dog is a charter member of assbook.

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        • dirtybirdy
          10 years ago

          Your dog...riiiight.

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    • Terence_the_viking
      10 years ago

      I deactivated mine then i reactivated it to get an old friends number but i haven't got round to deactivating it again and i feel so dirty that i reactivated it just to get someones number.

      I'm so dirty aaaaargh.

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  • bristexai
    10 years ago

    I don't have a Facebook for the same reason I will destroy any footage taken of me. The Internet is hateful, judgemental, and cruel, and I will NOT be their next target.

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  • H8er
    10 years ago

    Create a bunch of fake accounts and make them like or comment on your shit. Then people will think your kewl.

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    • Portalsunknown
      10 years ago

      Epic advice

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  • Sobored
    10 years ago

    Facebook is a dream come true for crazy people and a nightmare for normal people.

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  • q1w2e3
    10 years ago

    That's because most probably you have all kinds of people in there, relative, friends, close friends, acquaintance etc. where one post would not suit them all.

    I suggest segregate them into different groups. Then when you post select the appropriate group that this particular post will be visible to.

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  • Captain_Kegstand
    10 years ago

    If Facebook causes you this much anxiety, why even use it? Heck I hardly ever log in anymore because it is all political arguments and people complaining about how hard they have it!

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  • loopoo
    10 years ago

    I used to be the same way, join tumblr, I feel like I belong there as I have no body I actually know on there. Just great strangers.

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  • mgnwong
    10 years ago

    i think its normal to a certain degree. I mean, i always evaluate the situation for a couple of minutes before posting something on facebook because it is important to know that once it is published, you can't take it back. you need to be careful with the information you are sharing with the world. (i.e. posting you had a crappy day at work when you are friends on facebook with your Boss). So yeah, i completely know where you are coming from. however, you cant be TOO anxious or paranoid though. just take into consideration that you can always play with the privacy settings to share WHAT you want with WHO you want.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Sounds like too much work. lol

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  • BLAh81
    10 years ago

    I guess it's normal, but you sound like you need to work on your self-confidence a bit.

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  • Nephew7
    10 years ago

    Yolo, time to stop giving a shit what other people think ,its part of growing up..

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I'm grown...

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