Is it normal that i have fear of my loved ones dying (mom & grandmother)

hello everyone :)

so ive recently came to the conclusion that I have anxiety (thats lead to depression) I've been dealing with this for about 8 months now.. at first I thought it was a mind thing so I was letting it run its course for about 2 months.. I thought maybe it was a MIND THING ... I have this huge fear of losing my mother and my grandmother .. it would come and go @ 1st it didn't last long in the past but as the months went by it started to take over my life .. I have these feelings everyday all day about losing them.. they raised me and they spoiled me (they are my best friends!!!!!!) and I don't know where I would be without them.. its starting to interfere with my daily life only thing I wanna do is sleep in late.. and its gotten so bad that every time i hear the word of death or a illness i pray that this doesn't happen to them idk where I would be w/o them.. I pray to god about more than 15 times a day to keep them safe.. I finally opened up about the anxiety and fear about last week.. I even told my mom and grandmother I couldn't keep it to myself no more! im not sucidal at all , but it has gotten me in a depressed state & its like every since I opened up about it , it makes it worse.. I can't stop thinking about it & sometimes MY MIND MAKES ME THINK SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN TO THEM & PUT THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD LIKE SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN TO THEM & the thoughts won't go away... everyday I feel guilty because my mind thinks I want them dead BUT thats not the case at all ... my thoughts have token over my mind completely into thinking they will die just because of spin so much time thinking about death & fear.. Its the negative thoughts thats taking over my brain and having me feeling guilty that I want them dead but however thats not the case I think about losing them so much that my thoughts is putting negative shit in my head. I feel guilty everyday bout this its not going no where... my mom & grandma are my best friends and I would never ever ever want anything to happen to them. they are my best friends, my world.. idk what I would do if I lose them its gotten me to depression because im scared and fearful I call and or txt about 5-6 times a day to make sure they are still alive and breathing I would be so hurt if anything happen to my woman.. its starting to take a toll OVER me and I feel like I have no control OF THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS iI want my mom and grandma to live forever and idk where I would be w/o them and it HAUNTS ME EVERYDAY. tired of feeling like this I just wanna be happy and worry LESS, stress, depression, and anxiety free. be blessed everyone!