Is it normal that i have flashbacks from past abuse?

My parents have abused me in the past and they still do today. Lately I've been having flashbacks of the really bad stuff from when I was little.

It started when my mom got together withmy step dad (before she got with him, I was inseparable from her and she was like an angel. Such a sweet soul.). I was four and was always locked in my room. That caused me to isolate myself from others at such a young age.

Around the time I was five (and around the time my little sister was born) I would be beat with the belt. Now, this wasn't the occasional "my kid is misbehaving very very very badly and won't listen otherwise " kind of thing. There were days I would wake up and walk out of my room calmly and sorta groggily and I'd sit on the couch and wake up a little bit more. My step dad would tell me to stand up and I'd politely listen, just to have my pajama pants yanked down and I'd get smacked really hard at least two minutes or so straight.

Very rarely was I ever disrespectful to those who had authority over me. I was always shy, quiet and always did what I was told.

It felt like hell for me. I knew if and when I deserved it or not because If I did something bad, soon after I would realize it was a stupid idea. But nearly 97% of the time, I had no Idea what I did wrong.

Just imagine, a sweet little five year old girl, long light blond hair with bangs, hazel eyes filled with curiosity and life, in a cute little pink shirt with an adorable kitten on the front. Should be outside playing with the puppy or her friends from school, right?

Not me. I was that five year old but there's a twist; this girl was slowly walking to her room, head hung low, tears streaming down her cheeks, sobbing her little heart out. As she goes into her room, she gathers all her stuffed animals and make a circle around her. She thought they'd protect her from harm. She'd talk to them all like they were people and hug them and show unconditional love towards them. Something she was never shown. She'd look at one and say "things will get better, you'll see. You're my best friend and as long as you're my friend, I'll be okay" then hug it tightly and cry on its shoulder.

When I was seven, I was tired of being treated like dirt so I took a stand for myself. I looked at my step dad and said "you're being too harsh on me!" and he just looked at me. I was scared. I ended up getting kicked in the shin with my step dads steel toe boots multiple times, getting beat with the belt again and get locked in my room.

There's so many flashbacks... I just talked about two of them.

the physical abuse doesn't come around anymore really but they're so abusive mentally.

It hurts so much every day...

I'm only 15 and I've attempted suicide twelve times because of them.

I've only told my boyfriend about this and he really wishes he could take me away from this and take my pain away.

I don't know what to do......