Is it normal that i'm afraid of myself and can't help it?

I'm in a long distance relationship since October 2016 and we both love each other very much. We both used to self harm but we stopped because of each other. He has a deadly claustrophobia and he's schizophrenic. I have had depression and now I have anxiety. Is it bad that I just want to psysicly be with him so bad? I sometimes think about things that I would let him do to me like holding hands on my thighs etc.
I'm sometimes afraid of what I'm capable of. When I look in the mirror, that's not me looking back. It's someone else. I have a need to rarely harm myself so I know am I just in a cage which is this body or am I real. I sometimes just stare at myself in the mirror. I'm trying to know who am I looking at if it's not me. I have thoughts that I can't control like hurting my loved ones etc. It's like I'm trapped here and some kind of pshychopath is thinking about awful things which I had to listen and think about. My mind is forcing me to think about some bad things and do some things. I can't help it. Please help me, I wanna hug and kiss him so hard but I'm sometimes afraid of myself and voices in my head..