Is it normal that i refuse to talk about the deceased in past tense?

Ever since my grandmother passed on, and also since I had a crush on a deceased celebrity, I have refused to talk about the deceased in past tense. It just hurts too much. I refuse to talk about them as if they are gone and don't exist anymore and it honestly enrages me when someone is talking about someone (especially someone I know) who is passed on and they say "was" or "were" when talking about them. I can't even use the word "dead" or "died" when talking about someone I knew who has passed on. I like to believe that they still exist somewhere, like in heaven, and one day we'll all be reunited with our loved ones just as we remember them.