Is it normal that i think cheating is morally okay?

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28 Comments

Now, hear me out. It's considered morally incorrect to cheat, I get it. But it's also considered morally incorrect according to many religions to have sex outside of wedlock. So, why do people - even religious people - think it's okay to throw around premarital sex but not cheating?

Now, I probably won't cheat on my partner for religious reasons (I'm currently single), but I don't see anything wrong with him going out and doing whatever with other girls. Why is it that this is such a big thing?

As a side note, I think it's rather sad that I have to use religious reasons to not feel complete resentment for someone who's not okay with cheating.

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33% Normal
Based on 57 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 28 )
  • Sog
    10 years ago | pl

    What you described isn't cheating, that's an "open relationship". You both agree that you are together but are okay with each other having fun with someone else on the side. Obviously this is not a mainstream lifestyle, but it's not unheard of either. If you want to do this, then more power to you.

    I find it hard to believe that you would be okay with your partner going out and having a secret relationship that he conceals from you through LIES. That's cheating. It involves a breach of trust, which is why it's wrong. And trust is the foundation of any relationship.

    An "open relationship" is different because you have already agreed that this is what you would be doing so there is no breach of trust.

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    • amazinggrace
      10 years ago

      You don't have to lie to be doing things behind someone's back. The only way that would even happen is if your partner specifically asked you. If that doesn't happen, the only thing it could be is deceit. And if it's deceit, I don't consider that lying. I think that the other person should be smart enough to see through that, and that if one person wants to keep some things from the other person, that shouldn't be a problem (there are many relationships in which one person doesn't want to share something - it might just be that they're not ready to share that yet). That way it's like a fun game that can be played in the relationship, and what's fun without games?

      Maybe this has something to do with my Asperger's... that I don't get this kind of thing. I think of relationships as games for the most part. Sex? It's a game. Kissing? It's a game. I mean, I just learned that kissing can be sexual...and it freaked me the hay out. So, it's fun to be in a relationship. And it's fun to be in other relationships as well. Maybe the core issue here isn't cheating but what it means to be in a relationship itself that I don't seem to understand. I mean, it clearly isn't for procreative purposes (the only argument I see for that would be to marry whoever I date). So, it's for fun, right? Well, this is the kind of mindset that people who crave premarital sex have, isn't it? Like, name something you can learn from monogamous sex that you can't learn from cheating. So, what makes one wrong and the other wrong...but... you see, it's okay because... like, no. Is premarital sex wrong or right? I'm just going to say at this point that I'm a converting Catholic, so I do see it as wrong. And I know I should eventually see cheating as wrong, too. :/

      From what I gain, the problem with cheating is people don't want to be hurt. I would be able to fix that problem by just not telling the other person. In fact, this is a conversation I actually had with my boyfriend of a year ago, but the conversation itself was hurtful to him (I couldn't see why - I thought communication was important in a relationship?). So, I can't just "bring it up." And think about it - if you use white lies, you are using a form of deceit anyway. Well, the purpose of a white lie is to not hurt the other person, right? So I would not tell him because he would get hurt. Sounds to me more like a white lie than deceit. Except it's not even a lie because I don't say anything....just avoid the topic....for his sake....

      So, whatever. Let's say you disagree with me and think that deceit is just a form of lying. I guess what I'm proposing is the possibility that it wouldn't be a breach of trust if I would warn him that the relationship will be full of lies. Like, who says the other party has to agree? Don't I deserve respect in my desires too?

      So, the reason I decided that cheating isn't something I will likely engage in is because But I'm afraid of resenting God again. Last time I resented God, I "broke up with Him" and then found the Catholic Church. Can't really do that again... so I just don't know what to do.

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  • dom180
    10 years ago

    It's not cheating if your partner is consenting to it. It's an open relationship if you and your partner are happy with one or both of you to have sex with other people.

    In our culture, monogamy is an assumed promise. That doesn't mean you and your partner have to make that promise to each other, but the promise is assumed until you talk about it to each other decide what you both want. I think that's pretty basic logic - logic that is a lot less muddy than your comparison between premarital sex (something which is neither deceitful, harmful or anyone else's business) and cheating (which is all three).

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    • forever_anon
      10 years ago

      Good point about monogamy being an assumed promise, but I wish more people would discuss it openly. Sometimes the assumptions can lead to misunderstandings.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I believe your attitude will change radically once you actually have a person in your life you care enough about to want a relationship with. Until then, you really can't say how you would feel if your best friend and lover was having sex with others.

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    • amazinggrace
      10 years ago

      I think you're right. After all, I was in a relationship (3 weeks) that changed my life... he had such a respectable moral compass that all I cared about was preserving the sanctity of what his family wanted and what he wanted (he's the reason I decided to become Catholic...) so I know what can happen when someone has strong morals they hold to that make sense.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I don't think you need religion to have morals. If you look at cheating logically it still spreads stds and can make your partner sick.

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    • amazinggrace
      10 years ago

      That does make sense. But what about not going so far as to have sex with other people but just doing other things that would make your partner uncomfortable if he knew?

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        Being jealous of non sexual/non romantic activities is unreasonable.

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        • amazinggrace
          10 years ago

          What if it's romantic but not sexual? Where's the harm in that? It's emotional, right? But emotionally, it's difficult...

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  • KeddersPrincess
    10 years ago

    In my opinion nothing is wrong unless it harms another person and that could be physically, mentally emotionally etc. In this case, you would be hurting someone. You'd be hurting the person you are cheating on and, for that reason, I'd have to say that it's wrong.

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    • amazinggrace
      10 years ago

      What about God? You'd be hurting God by violating His covenant by having sex before marriage. Why are people given priority over God? (by the way, this only applies to people who believe in God and consider themselves to be "in a relationship" with Him, "walking with Him," "wanting to please Him," etc.)

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      • KeddersPrincess
        10 years ago

        I'm an agnostic so I can't answer that.

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      • green_boogers
        10 years ago

        His covenant is that nudist resorts are "the Garden of Eden". The forbidden fruit is adultery.

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  • Satanic_Cereal
    10 years ago

    Cheating is wrong, because the partner being cheated on, needs to know that s/he has the same option, to be with someone else. Or option to end the relationship. A cheater does not want his/her partner to have that option. S/he selfishly wants all options to only be for him. Too cowardly to let his partner have the option to dump him.

    But it's ok to have an open relationship, that two people agree on. They're both aware what their relationship situation is- so both can choose whether they want to be in that situation or not. Both can date outside the relationship. Both have equal options.

    Your comments on religious morals, sound like assumptions you were taught- taught to forget practical reasons why some things are right or wrong. Only assume that something's wrong, because religion says it is. I don't blame you, it can be hard to figure things out on your own, without someone else's advice. No, premarital sex is not as bad as cheating. Cheating is awful because of the psychological impact on the victim. Premarital sex is merely enjoying yourself, without hurting anyone. Of course, cheating while married is worst of all--- because nobody wants to waste several years of their life, being in a relationship situation that they did not realize they did not want to be in (because their spouse cheated).

    Even if you prefer open relationships- it's still another person's right to not be ok with cheating. A person does not have to be polyamorous if he doesn't want. And cheating is ok in extreme situations. Like an abusive relationship, where you're afraid your partner will threaten you, if you dump them.

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    • amazinggrace
      10 years ago

      I grew up agnostic-atheist, and I think I think about things differently than do most people. So when I came to religion, I gained my morals from it as well. When I learned why the Catholic Church feels that premarital sex is not morally okay (it's demeaning to human dignity), I also realized that agreeing to not have premarital sex is a lot like being in a human relationship - we're just in a relationship with God. And He doesn't want us cheating by having sex with someone else. He'll let us do that under one circumstance - marriage. And I get that because of the human dignity part. But the other part just sounds like God is jealous. And jealousy has never seemed to make any sense to me....

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      • amazinggrace
        10 years ago

        And okay, so I get not cheating while in a marriage. But I think you hit it on the spot - for some reason, God doesn't think it's appropriate until after marriage. I feel the same about monogamy.

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        • amazinggrace
          10 years ago

          One last thing - and I touched upon this briefly on Sog's comment - is that I understand that bit about hurting someone. That's why I would opt not to tell him about my experiences because it would be too hurtful. "What if he found out?" Let me tell you three ways he will be hurt: 1) If I notify him of this option 2) If I tell him I did something with someone else 3) If I don't tell him and someone else tells him.

          And if he understood why I would go to someone else, he would realize that he's not nearly as hurt as I imagine I am when I'm not granted that opportunity. Seriously - think of any argument for having premarital sex while still claiming to be worshipping God. I'll use that to make my argument for cheating.

          If nothing else, I don't like the double standard. I know double standards are necessary in society because nobody is perfect, but I would at least like to understand this one.

          If people treated sex as sacred and saved it for marriage, I probably wouldn't have any problem seeing cheating as immoral.

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          • Satanic_Cereal
            10 years ago

            I think you're right to feel whatever religious inspiration you choose, over premarital sex or waiting for marriage. Sorry if I criticized your learning from religion. Your view of romantic relationships as a "game" sounds neat. That's refreshing to view as something you do for fun. People have different perspectives on romantic relationships, so not everyone sees it that way, but it's neat to learn different views. Though, I certainly would not want my boyfriend to think it's ok to cheat on me, for instance. If I agree to be his girlfriend, then I don't want him to treat it so much like a game, that he'll cross my relationship boundaries. Then again, I sympathize with you, from my reverse-sexist point-of-view (Mildly sexist against men, to counter other people's misogyny)- perhaps many guys feel entitled to women/ view women as conquests. If you've found this is true of most guys, or that most guys cheat on you-- I understand why you'd view them as a conquest right back. (I do as well, though I'm single). I don't mean to put words in your mouth, but that's where I could understand your view.

            Like your words "If people treated sex as sacred... " It's true, when nobody (or no guy) treats sex as sacred, it does feel disrespectful to me- so I find it hard to have much respect for guys romantically. If your boyfriend is a jerk, hence you're certain he's the type that cheats, I understand wanting to cheat yourself. If it's hard to find guys who are *not* jerks, I can understand deciding you might as well still have fun with them. (I'm just making my own connections to what you said) Other ideas I have- there are other people who prefer open relationships. If you dated one, then you'd be able to talk to him about dating other people- without hurting his feelings. Though, if you don't feel comfortable discussing such-- you could always be friends-with-benefits, instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. I could also understand it being hard to tell most partners, how you'd like your relationship to be fun, like a "game"- since people can be too simple-minded to understand even mildly complex ideas like that.

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  • Legion
    10 years ago

    here's my opinion.
    I disagree with cheating, its hurtful to the other person and a violation of trust. Also, I would'nt want to be cheated on, so why would I go and cheat on someone? Not to mention, if I found out I was cheated on and found out from someone else, I would be extremely upset, and beyond pissed off. If you were to admit to me that you cheated on me, yes i would still be upset, and mad, but less so cause you were able to admit that you did so, and maybe i would be able to give you another chance (do it again though, and were done).

    if someone i was with was feeling unhappy, even to the point they have thought about being with another, then i would want to be told about it. i would'nt be mad in the slightest there, at the most id be a little dissappointed in myself, but at least i could work out what i am doing wrong and make them happy again. I would be more hurt to find they were hiding their displeasure behind a "Everythings okay, honest" facade.

    also, on another note, if you have to use your religion to say why you agree/disagree with something, you would seem to me as someone who is weak-minded and has no sense of self.
    (same for political party, gender indentity, nation, or even fandom ideal). i have my own reasons to agree/dislagree with things.

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    • wii3willrule
      9 years ago

      I liked your comment only because the last paragraph was awesome.

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      • Legion
        9 years ago

        thanks!

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    • Legion
      10 years ago

      for the record, if you want to do something with someone else, if both of you are ok with it, then by all means, ok. just if you do something with someone else, then allow them to do something too, if they want.
      (maybe with the same person even, if everyone wants to ;) )

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  • yesnomaybeso
    10 years ago

    I don't think you shouldn't cheat because of religious reasons o.o Don't you think you might hurt the other person, you are supposed to love?

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  • machiavelli578
    9 years ago

    In France, cheating could only be considered if you will be caught on the act. :)

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  • wii3willrule
    9 years ago

    Really and honestly, any time you are in a relationship, you are being dishonest. Think about it: you can never truly know another person, you simply know what they want you to know about them. Loving "them" is simply loving your version of them. Everyone is always wearing a mask and being dishonest by cheating is truly no different. Every relationship is founded on dishonesty.

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  • Koda
    9 years ago

    Your error is in equating morals with religion. Morals should come from your natural conscience, something you seem to be without. It doesn't matter that cheating is considered wrong by some religious people, you should feel cheating is wrong because it is hurting someone you should care about. It's being dishonest and disloyal. Obviously these concepts are foreign to you... pretty scary. You're showing how psychopathic you are by admitting you wouldn't be at all jealous if your partner cheated on you.

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  • green_boogers
    10 years ago

    Think with your vagina. You won't feel so stifled.

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