Is it normal that i think of death non-stop

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13 Comments

Hi. I've compulsively been thinking about time going by and death in general from the moment I turned 18... I just turned 23. I have been worrying about turning 18 since I was 8... And constantly counted how much time I assumed I had "left". I realize it's stupid to care about age, that it's nothing but a number, etc. but it's not something I can control, at least to the best of my knowledge. I have been trying to not care about aging and dying, and running out of time for 5 years now. All of these years have been horrible. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and the like. Again I say I realize it's stupidity but imagine living amongst your daily routines, like showering, driving, hanging out with friend, work, school, etc. and constantly viewing everything as if you were looking at it with video game information of vitality, life and the like. Imagine being forced to see how much life you have left, a clock ticking, and an hour glass running out. That is a snippet of what I go through daily, at every second for the past 5 years and I'm going off the deep end. Not sure how much longer I can deal with it as it kills any motivation one could possibly have. It's also worse than I have made it sound but I feel this gets the general point across. I was offered meds by a psychologist because it seems as though I may have OCD (compulsive thoughts about death) I believe. He just diagnosed me with anxiety and offered pills, but I rejected them because I didn't think he took much thought into assessing my situation and focused more on the fact that I was dehumanizing dating or some shit. Anyway, no one really knows this about me, and it doesn't quite fit into my personality since I'm fairly apathetic, to a fault about most things. This is the only thing that bothers me and eats at me at every waking moment. The ticking.... The constant ticking and passing of time. It never stops. I try to be positive always, and go about my days, especially as of lately but nothing helps the thought of every second passing go away, and this is not an exaggeration. This is making me lost time that could have been enjoyed. I already lost my 18-22 years... And I fear to lose whatever else is left of my life to this issue.

I also feel old, as if I were 97 and I know it was my time to go... But I see lots of posts about that so I didn't see much relevance in elaborating on this. Just added it for extra information.

Any thoughts, ideas, etc are welcome. Also pardon for any grammatical errors, as I am on a phone that isn't cooperating.
Thanks.

Voting Results
51% Normal
Based on 43 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    10 years ago

    I think about peaceful suicide methods all the time since life is totally absurd, meaningless and purposeless.

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  • headwall
    10 years ago

    You should watch 'Into The Wild' or 'The Road'...Both will make you very happy to be alive, and maybe encourage you to take on huge challanges that'll make you forget about the ticking

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  • 011assasin
    10 years ago

    I think about death all the time. Its part of that teenage wonder and contemplation about life moments. Just dont go killing yourself and you will be fine.

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    • Deepabyss
      10 years ago

      Thanks for your response. See the thing is I don't just think about it " all the time" as in sparatically but often, I think about about 98% of my waking life, it's an obsession that makes everything worthless and life merely a countdown... During every bite of food, etc. I think about it. At some point i began getting panic attacks because of it I believe. I felt very unhealthy during that time..the extent to how often my thoughts were which were never ending, and constant, was why I wasn't to sure it was healthy. Thank you again. :)

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      • 8-Evil-Waffles
        10 years ago

        Be afraid of the living not the dead.

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      • LegendaryVegeta
        10 years ago

        I don't fear dying, the way I see it, depending on the kind of person you are in life death can be a great thing. As long as you were a good hearted person while alive and didn't commit suicide, you should get to spend eternity in heaven. As long as you follow the 10 commandments, you should be rewarded with heaven.

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  • RomeoDeMontague
    10 years ago

    Mine is usually thinking about food.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I was in high school in the 60's when the reality of nuclear war was ever present. We never knew if we would wake up tomorrow or be incinerated in our sleep. None of us thought we'd live to be 20.
    My generation was the first in history that did not do better (economically) than our parents.
    We needed to "live for today" as we probably didn't have any tomorrows, henceforth the "hippies", sex, drugs and rock n roll.
    Just what the f*c* do you have to worry about that can equal THAT? Get a grip, tell the doctors to screw off and LIVE FOR TODAY.
    If you can't do it where and how you are living; get out. Pack a bag, go adventuring. Get a really dangerous job like a logger, firefighter or oil rig diver; live until you die!
    Otherwise, you are already dead; take a huge bunch of pills and go to bed.
    By the way, I'm 66 now, with a lovely 25 year old girlfriend, sailing the Caribbean on a yacht!

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  • handsignals
    10 years ago

    your born, you keep your head down, then you die, if your lucky.

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  • Karmasbitch
    10 years ago

    I think about death and suicide quite often.
    Every hour it passes through my mind but in trying to focus on better things. I'm trying to find the inner kid in me again.
    But maybe your a little more extreme.. When we die we are only moving on to something more, and better, unless you don't learn what you need to in this life then you will just keep coming back. Hah

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  • Strat
    10 years ago

    The Bible says that a wise man,or woman for that matter thinks about and remembers that they are only flesh and here for a short time,Graveyards everywhere remind us that our time will come just like it did for them...death can come at any age and is no respector of persons,places or circumstances...so yes it is normal to think about death but to obsess about it,God put you here for a reason and that reason can be found in the Bible....best to you.

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  • q1w2e3
    10 years ago

    Thinking alone won't help. You need to prepare for it as well. Try learning about afterlife and what happens after the death (Islamically). Once you do that perhaps your ODC will decrease.

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    • Deepabyss
      10 years ago

      I'm not thinking about it on purpose. They are compulsive thoughts that eat at me at every waking second no matter how hard I try to stop. I'm not too scared of death, I just can't stop and take the constant reminder and count down to it. It makes life not livable. Thanks for your response.

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