Is it normal that i want my boyfriend to be hotter?

79% Normal
11 Comments

me and my boyfriend have been together for about 16 months now. as you would expect, we both love eachother a lot. he is basically the perfect boyfriend; very sweet, kind, caring, generous etc and the sex is great except... i don't think i'm physically attracted to him...?

i find myself looking at other hot guys a lot and imaging what it'd be like to be with them. i'm considering breaking up with my boyfriend coz i don't think it's fair of me to be with him when i'm checking out other guys. is this normal???

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 132 votes (104 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • mtnw
    14 years ago

    you are normal i think. everything may be good or right about him, but you don't mention feeling that "spark". do you know what i mean? it's that feeling you get with someone: then you think about them all the time, love being with them, can't get enough. when that spark is there, you don't even notice the other hotties. maybe that's what's missing for you.

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  • tygeronherbed
    14 years ago

    my boyfriend isnt exactly a "hunk"

    by that, i mean i dont really have to worry about other girls trying to steal him, but to me, hes as cute as can be!

    i love everything about him, from his personality to his looks

    honestly when we first met i didnt think he was hot enough for me, but after we started hanging out i couldnt think of anyone more attractive.

    lm in love with him, hes the only guy i see, thats how it should be.

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  • StarrySkies
    14 years ago

    thanks Budthewise, it makes me feel better to know i'm not the only one sometimes! you've also helped me to put it into perspective. he is the man i would marry without a doubt coz of all his amazing qualities, but on the other hand i think i'm still too young (i'm 21) to be tied down for life.

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    • [Old Memory]
      14 years ago

      Yeah, thanks for your responce back. Using today as an example, my fiance came to my work looking like a mess and I felt embarrassed by it. It hurt a little more how I had this client flirting with me a little earlier in the day. Sure, the client was rather pretty but I didn't like anything about her and she reminded me of that "T" girl I am usually fighting with on this site.

      So, I went home and spent a bit of time with my fiance and took the time to apreciate her. I even paid for her to play Bingo (Yes, she is young and likes Bingo, do you see what I am dealing with?) and she is realy happy I am there for her.

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      • Jen118584
        14 years ago

        Bud, I have to commend you for your gentle and sincere comments. Could have done without you bringing up your disagreement with tyger again, though.

        However, I have to disagree on some level. But before I start, I have a question. I don't mean to sound rude, but how can sex possibly be great with someone that you aren't physically attracted to? Is it really great, or are you telling yourself it's great?

        Your boyfriend may be great in the personality department but if you find your mind wandering to other men you may want to think about seeing other people, in my opinion. Especially since you're young and it sounds (to me) like you aren't quite ready to really settle down. Sexual chemistry is very important in the maintenance of long-term relationships. If you do decide to stay with him, over time his other good qualities may grow on you and you may end up more physically attracted to him. Looks definitely aren't everything, but when you're young....they tend to matter a lot more.

        My advice to you is to spend the next few weeks thinking really objectively about this relationship. If you find yourself increasingly distracted by other men, I think it would be right to let your boyfriend go so that you don't end up hurting him. I'm not insinuating that you WOULD end up hurting him, but it's always a possibility if you find yourself drawn to other people.

        I completely understand your predicament. You really can't help who you are and aren't attracted to. Just know....one day you may really regret losing a great guy. In my experience they are few and far between. As you get older your definition of "sexy" will most likely change drastically. A man who's generous, kind, loving, not afraid of his emotions or commitment, easy going and fun to be around? Now THAT'S sexy ;)

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        • StarrySkies
          14 years ago

          thanks jen that's really great advice. it seems like you totally understand my situation perfectly.

          i've had a real good think about the question you asked me about my sex life. i've figured out that it's great because i really enjoy having sex with him. he makes me feel good, i make him feel good. so there must be some sexual chemistry going on between us if i think it's that good!?

          i guess i'm over-exaggerating my situation about checking out other guys all the time. i don't instantly think my boyfriend is that hot whenever i glance at him (harsh i know) unlike some guys i know but he's the only man i know i would ever truly enjoy having sex with. argh my head's so confusing...

          also on some level i get the feeling that i'll become more attracted to him as the years go on (young as i am) so i feel inclined to keep him. i know he's a good 'un and guys like that are so so rare as you've already mentioned, jen. so for now i think i should just curb my curiosities about being with other men coz it's probs not worth it to lose him.

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        • KM23
          14 years ago

          I really agree with tb his comment. I was in exactly the same situation at the age of 21 (and now again at 26!) and broke up with him.

          He was the most gentle loving generous man, and I loved him, but knew it wasn't meant to be.

          Sexual chemistry and a person that challenges you - those are highly important in a relationship. You are too young to settle.

          Breaking up with that guy was the best thing I could have done for my life, and I can see that now, the other end of the tunnel. But it wasn't easy. At some point you'll see that it can't be forever. If he has become your 'best friend', or feels like he is your brother, then that is not something you can base the rest of your life on.

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    Yeah, I feel the same way with my fiance at times. I care about my fiance a great deal and don't think about cheating anymore but I have posted a few stories like this one in the past.

    The important thing though is, is your boyfriend a good guy? Is he a guy you could share your deepest and darkest thoughts with? Is he someone who will stay with you if you are extremely sick as well as laugh about stupid things as well?

    If so, stay with him. As the desire to sleep with a hotter girl is still there, I stay with my fiance, although poorly dressed and rather unkept at times, as she is truly what I would want...

    On the insides.

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  • StarrySkies
    14 years ago

    thanks for your comments guys!

    yea i think that so-called 'spark' is missing... but when he says or does really cute things, it makes me melt and go 'aww' coz he is so lovely... and that's what i think i won't find in any other relationship with another man. the way he's so thoughtful!

    but if it is completely normal then it's probs just me being greedy and wanting other men as well :/

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  • cgirl123456
    14 years ago

    it's not fun to have an unattractive BF. MAYBE it's worth it, though, if you have a very special relationship that you can't find anywhere else.

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  • KM23
    14 years ago

    I'm in exactly the same situation. He should be the perfect boyfriend. But... fancying them is so important to a relationship. perhaps you're right about needing to split...?

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