Is it normal that i want to feel pain/be tortured?

Hi, I really, really need help with this. Ever since I was little, I would lay in bed, not going to sleep, and think about things like being hurt/ being tortured. I would mainly use a fictional world, and put myself in the place of a character who was being hurt. I would feel almost good, and be happier. Now, that I'm older, I'm still having these "fantasies", if you would call it that. Ever since I found fanfiction (yes, I know) - it's gotten worse. I really want to be hurt and then be helped (Example: John Watson in Ten Days by Engazed) - and I don't know what to do. And since I found BDSM - it's gotten even worse. Most of the time it's in a non-sexual situation, but sometimes it is.

I do not self - harm.

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 43 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • jojo338955701

    I guess its just Masochism. I think there's treatment for it, actually. Id recommend looking into that, before something goes too far

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  • Arm0se

    Some people like to be hurt. Just don't take it too far okay? Don't do anything permanent.

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  • charli.m

    Yeah. I doubt if ut really happened, you'd enjoy it so much.

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  • wilhelm_scream

    Soo... I've had almost the exact same thing. I think it started when I was 8 yrs old or so, and have continued into my early 20s.

    I would construct fantasies of torture when I'm in bed and imagine myself as the character tortured. The fantasy is usually inspired by something from real life - a novel, medieval torture method documentary, once, memorably, Dante's Inferno - or something else that involved some sort of abuse or subjugation.

    I usually try not to think too deeply about these fantasies, and certainly never plan on telling anyone in a relationship. They've mostly been a fairly reliable way of falling asleep in 20 minutes or so when I'm stressed.

    I also discovered fanfiction, and while some fiction has too much gratuitous pornography for me to bear and some are simply good, un-erotic literature, some fanfiction are both well-written *and* quite pornographic and have added psychological (Stockholm Syndrome, say) and sexual dimensions to my fantasies.

    I don't think I like BDSM, though - the fact that it's consensual (of course, I recognize that consent is obviously a good thing in the real world) makes it seem weirdly staged and overly sexualized to me. My fantasies I think are usually more about power - captivity, servitude, and the like.

    I recognize these fantasies would be utterly repulsive were they in real life. In fact, I don't like to construct them in the light of day, or with anyone remotely close by. I know for a fact that pain and torture acted in movies do not excite me - it is simply too real and too raw. I certainly would not enjoy the fantasies enacted for real on me or anyone.

    I'm not sure if it's normal - or if I should strive abstain from the fantasies completely. :/

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  • Nokiot9

    I have a plastic draped room and a steel chair bolted to the floor with your name on it!

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  • Maybe this will change your mind.
    http://list25.com/25-most-brutal-torture-techniques-ever-devised/

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