Is it normal that i want to feel pain/be tortured?
Hi, I really, really need help with this. Ever since I was little, I would lay in bed, not going to sleep, and think about things like being hurt/ being tortured. I would mainly use a fictional world, and put myself in the place of a character who was being hurt. I would feel almost good, and be happier. Now, that I'm older, I'm still having these "fantasies", if you would call it that. Ever since I found fanfiction (yes, I know) - it's gotten worse. I really want to be hurt and then be helped (Example: John Watson in Ten Days by Engazed) - and I don't know what to do. And since I found BDSM - it's gotten even worse. Most of the time it's in a non-sexual situation, but sometimes it is.
I do not self - harm.