Is it normal that my bf jokes about hitting me?

Classic narc behaviour, “ leave me if youre scared” makes it so he doesnt have to take acountability because “he warned you”
get out now!

P.s you deserve better

I dated a guy once who would "joke" about being all kinds of messed up.
He was all of those things he joked about. Just saying.
It's pretty common that people say what they really think and feel under the guise of a joke. Look it up.

The fact that this hasn’t been voted 0% normal is disgusting.

Get out. This is a HUGE red flag.

When a partner “jokes” that he wants to hit you he isn’t joking. Break up with him in a public place or on the phone, not alone in a place where he could get violent. Be prepared for him to pull the “I’ll kill myself” card to try and manipulate you into staying, if he does depending on the situation either call his mother or the police.

You should never be in a relationship with someone who makes you feel unsafe. I wish you the best of luck with this.

This type of behavior is not normal, but let's say for argument's sake that he is joking. Why would the first thing that would pop up in his mind is to cause physical harm? Not just once, but multiple times in a row? If you ask me this does not imply a joke.

Giving the guy as much benefit of the doubt that I can manage, it's just possible that he's trying to figure out if you're one of those women who are screwed up enough to like guys who are very possessive, controlling and physically and emotionally abusive. Maybe that's because that's the sort of guy he is, or maybe he's willing to play that role for you if he gets something out of it.

But as Maya Angelou famously said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

The guy has just told you that he believes it would be justifiable for him to hit you if you should ever do something that upsets him. The "I'm only joking!" line is a classic ploy used by manipulative people when they recognise after the fact that they've crossed a line and they want to back-pedal. It's wisest to assume that whatever asshat thing they've done or said just before they deploy that excuse is the truth about the sort of person they truly are.

You say the guy has previously "joked" about killing you if you ever cheated on him, and he's also "joked" about committing suicide if you break up. No sane, stable, emotionally mature person jokes about such things. He may have tried to excuse the comments as joking, but the fact he even said it indicates that he has had thoughts about inflicting the ultimate violence on you and himself.

Something I find disturbing about your "testing" of the guy is the implication in your question that you'd seem to find it okay if the guy hit you "playfully". He said he'd hit you hard enough to leave bruises, and you replied that you didn't want bruises; that implies you'd be fine with him hitting you, just so long as it didn't leave you marked. You might want to think about that.

I have no problems with people who are into consensual sadomasochistic sex, and I am aware that there are people who get a buzz out of having pain inflicted on them in such situations. But that's not what you and and the guy were discussing. What he's talking about is how if his delicate ego should ever be damaged by something you do or say, he's going to punish you for that by inflicting serious physical pain on you.

The main sense I get from your post is that you're not at all sure what the hell is going on in the guy's head. Generally speaking, women are pretty good at intuitively reading people. So either you're an atypical woman, you're ignoring those gut feelings and clinging to wishful thinking about who the guy really is, or he's continually throwing so much bullshit at you that you're unable to determine what's real and what isn't.

I'm seeing nothing but red flags from this guy.

As my sister always texts me when she calls me on my bullshit, "NO BUENO"! I think these are red flags, my dear. Boogum's comments actually explain this really well!

This guy is just joking until one day he isn't, and he has seriously hurt, or killed you. If someone says that they want to hurt, or kill you for making them jealous, or cheating, and the also says they will kill themselves if you leave them take those comments very seriously... very seriously indeed!

I think you should break up with this guy, and if he threatens to kill himself you need to just dial 911, and let the authorities handle the situation from there on out. This is not a good dude. More than likely your current boyfriend is just your future, psycho ex-boyfriend. Let that sink in, honey.

The simple answer is he is trying to seek attention from you.

Nothing that serious BTW.

It depends, how long have yall been together? It could be he's just talking shit but saying he will kill you if you cheat on him is a major red flag. Also the "ill kill myself" card is major a manipulation play.

Any who thinks violence is a joke is a jerk. If he really believes it, dump him.

Honey, please, get out NOW. So many Red Flags!! x

He's probably just trying to get attention from you.

Why are you talking to a boy in the first place? Also the guy is crazy. I'm not crazy but if my girl talked to a boy even if he wasn't flirting i would not like it.

normal!

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