Is it normal that my boyfriend was looking at pictures of child porn?

31% Normal
110 Comments

My boyfriend of 5 years has always been a pretty great guy. We are both 23 and have a pretty good sex life, though he always thinks we don't have enough sex. He is kind of pushy about it when I don't feel in the mood, but in general the sex is great and he has always been faithful to me.

He loves pornography, I know this is normal and I consider it healthy actually for the most part. I tease him sometimes about it but generally I really could care less. The only time it bothers me is when he watches it while I'm still sleeping, sometimes I'll wake up and he'll be on the computer watching porn. Even though I don't love this, I kind of got used to it. Sometimes however I just get curious what he is watching and look at his computer history. Normally it is just your run of the mill lesbian and anal porn. Whatever, it's just a fantasy so who cares.

However this morning I found something disturbing. I was looking at his history which he had cleared from this morning, though there was something left from about 6 months ago. They were multiple blogs of very young naked girls. I'm not talking "just turned 18" type of young, I'm talking 6-12 aged girls in sexy outfits and sometimes completely nude in sexual poses with one another. There were pages and pages of this, no videos but a sh*t ton of pictures.

I have never found anything like this, I once before found some beastiality and he told me he was just curious and was very embarrassed. I let that go, I can understand that maybe curiosity got the better of him, however the child porn pictures really surprised me. Is this normal? Could he have just been curious? How could ANYONE be curious about that? AND look at 20+ pages of pictures? I don't know how to confront him, or if I should leave him. I'm hurt and disgusted and extremely confused.

Voting Results
31% Normal
Based on 74 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 110 )
  • quentari
    10 years ago

    Apart from the obvious moral issues with this child porn is HIGHLY illegal, if he was found out by the wrong person he would be in a LOT of trouble.

    Nothing against being curious, but if it's something like having sex with minors or animals (basically no consent) then preferably you look at CGI or animated versions. NOT the illegal and questionable stuff.

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    • jamesmitchell29486
      9 years ago

      How do you find said cgi versions?

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  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    I don't think this is normal and I think you should leave him as soon as possible. I don't know how you would do it, and honestly I would do nothing until you feel safe with the advice you've been given. I hope you find the help you need.

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  • moomus
    10 years ago

    Run for the hills and don't look back! And call the police on him on your way out the door.....

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    • charli.m
      10 years ago

      This.

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    • anti-hero
      10 years ago

      I'm with moomus.

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    • disthing
      10 years ago

      First part I can understand.

      ABSOLUTELY disagree about the police.

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      • disthing
        10 years ago

        Not telling the police isn't condoning viewing child porn by the way. It's simply not condemning a 23 year old to a potentially life-destroying reputation on the back of a single instance of a victimless act.

        Confront him by all means. Leave him by all means. But don't use one moment of dodgy browsing as a reason to screw up someone's life by involving the police. He may not even be a paedophile, yet you are all so knee-jerk in your response; burn the witch! BURN THE WITCH!

        It's an immature and cruel reaction.

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        • dom180
          10 years ago

          How is it victimless? If you watch abusive porn, you give an audience to the uploader of that content and thereby give them positive reinforcement to create more abusive porn since an audience is the only reason to publicise that content in the first place. Simple stuff. Maybe if someone only watches it once out of curiosity that's not so bad, but if you could prove they watched it frequently then you can't honestly deny there is no impact on the part of the viewer. Nothing happens in a bubble.

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          • disthing
            10 years ago

            It's victimless in this case because, in all likelihood, the uploader of the porn has no idea the OP's boyfriend ever viewed the content. If he didn't interact with it in any way i.e. downloading or commenting, there's no positive reinforcement. If there's no positive reinforcement, the uploader could be showing the pictures to an empty room for all they know.

            Also, it's rare somebody uploading this form of content will host an entire website, so they are unlikely to have access to a hit-count to see how many views their content is receiving. If it's on a legal forum, the content will quickly be removed, and users rarely have access to viewing figures, only the number of replies. Again, OP's boyfriend might as well be a ghost.

            It's through audience participation and a culture of sharing that creates positive reinforcement and a demand for the supply. So trading of images, of fantasies, of desires, produces a subculture that perpetuates itself and spreads.

            As long as OP's boyfriend didn't interact, didn't leave a footprint, there was no victim in his crime. That's not to say it's OK, only that a single instance of this is probably not a reason to condemn somebody (if you read the story and replies, OP says he claims to have only done it once out of curiosity).

            Simple stuff.

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            • dom180
              10 years ago

              Almost all forums I've ever encountered have a view count for threads, so the uploader would definitely have access to how many views they had for a thread dedicated to child porn.

              But if you don't take that point (and I can understand why you wouldn't take that point, even though I strongly disagree with you), how about another way of looking at it: I believe it to be immoral to view nude photos taken of unconsenting people (which children are by definition), since it is a violation of their basic right to privacy. That goes for adults or children, whether other abuse was involved or not. Even if the only motivation in viewing that content is "curiosity". Simply viewing the content causes harm to the person involved. "What they don't know can't hurt them" is not an excuse I accept. If an act causes unnecessary harm to a victim, I think it is more than fair to criminalise that act.

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        • jamesmitchell29486
          9 years ago

          THIS^^^

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  • handsignals
    10 years ago

    I call troll!

    Why wouldn't he just use 'incognito mode' on google chrome???

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    • Darkoil
      10 years ago

      Don't be a retard, there is nothing in this post which even hints at it being a troll post.

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    • Barugel_Azulay
      10 years ago

      Of course, all browsers have had that feature for ages now. It's ctrl + shift + p on firefox, ctrl + shift + n on chrome, and who + gives + a + fuck on explorer (since it's the browser retards use). But my guess is this is not a troll, but rather some guy trying to get some women's opinions on this matter.

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      • kitkat_1
        10 years ago

        How come every time there is a bizarre and unlikely post on here people call troll? Why would I waste my fucking time writing this just to 'troll' the internet? Please.

        Also, I'm not a guy. The story is true, why he didn't erase his history is beyond me, all I want to know is it normal he looks at that shit, or should I be worried and confront him.

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        • handsignals
          10 years ago

          Ok. Sorry Kitkat.
          You should be very worried and you have to confront him. That shit is not normal at all. I don't know if it's possible to help him or if he just needs his ass thrown in jail.

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        • Barugel_Azulay
          10 years ago

          It's just that absolutely everyone uses private browsing, even on computers no one else has access to, and even for average porn, so why wouldn't he use it for child porn, on a computer he knows you can check? Like, he looks at 6-year-olds licking each others' pussies and then leaves it there for you to see the next day? It's rather hard to believe. It would be different if you said "husband" instead of "boyfriend", and you said he was 50 or something. You might expect that kind of irresponsibility from an older guy.

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          • kitkat_1
            10 years ago

            I'm sorry you don't believe me. I don't know why it makes a difference if he is 23 or 50 or if he is my husband or not. It is what it is. It really doesn't matter, my 23 yr old boyfriend is looking at child porn believe it or not.

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            • Barugel_Azulay
              10 years ago

              It's just that I don't know anyone under 40 who doesn't know any better than leaving child porn in the browser's history. Older people don't know crap about computers, and you can expect anything from them, but this would be very rare for someone who's 23. Don't get so angry, try to understand it's hard to believe. Still, my assumption of you being a guy was perhaps too far fetched, I'll give you that. But whether you've actually found child porn on the browser's history, or you just want people's opinions on this matter for whatever reason, let go and read my comment below.

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          • [Old Memory]
            10 years ago

            Not me. And what's "incognito mode" anyway?

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          • disthing
            10 years ago

            I dont use private browsing. Ever. I just manually delete my history if and when I think it's necessary, which is rare. I set it so it only stretches over 24 hours.

            I'm sure there are plenty of people who never touch their history, or cache, or browser preferences. Plenty of people under 50. Who aren't married.

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  • disthing
    10 years ago

    I don't agree with all the people saying you should report him to the police! For one thing, I doubt he'd be prosecuted. For another, what does that actually achieve?! Potentially ruining a 23 year old's life for a victimless mistake?

    However, you could confront him, see what he has to say about it.

    If he is a paedophile, and this wasn't just a case of him being curious (I've seen some fucked up things out of curiosity, including illegal things- doesn't mean I enjoyed them), then it's entirely understandable if you choose to leave him. But at least let him know that: he lost you because of this, and could destroy all his other relationships including with family and friends if anyone else finds out. That he should avoid looking at that imagery at all costs and never act on it, or he risks destroying his own life as well as hurting other people.

    Apart from that there's not a lot else you can do.

    I think the decision is up to you. It's a difficult one.

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    • kitkat_1
      10 years ago

      I confronted him, he said as he was browsing for normal "18 yr old" porn, the blog he was on started showing weird pictures. He said it was like looking at pictures of a brutal car accident and being so disgusted but you can't look away. He claims he even tried to report one of the images but it led to a fake link.

      I believe him, he said he certainly wasn't getting off to the pictures. However if that ever happened again, then I would be concerned.

      And I respected his privacy, I didn't turn him into the police or tell my family and friends about it. It was bad enough I went through his computer in the first place. He was very honest and didn't get mad, which shows me that he doesn't have a guilty conscious.

      This is an instance where assuming and jumping to conclusions can REALLY make an ass out of you.

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      • disthing
        10 years ago

        Well done. I think it takes guts to confront someone about something like that, especially if there's the chance it might break up your relationship.

        I can empathise with your boyfriend, if he's telling the truth. I've looked at all kinds of messed up stuff online in the past out of morbid curiosity. Brutal murders, illegal porn etc. Sometimes the internet is like the wild wild west rather than the world wide web, and it's hard to resist the temptation to see just how extreme things can get (for me at least). I feel like I've moved passed that curiosity now, but I can understand those who haven't.

        If you're confident your guy is telling the truth and that isn't his deep dark secret, then that's great. I hope you're right. Some people (like quite a few here) wouldn't have given him a chance to explain himself, would have instantly broken up with him and tried to report him to the police. So I respect you for being mature enough to handle it the way you did :)

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  • Avant-Garde
    10 years ago

    Of course, it's not fucking normal. What it is is illegal and extremely disturbing. You need to break up with him and report him to the police. If you don't tell the police you could be considered an accessory of the crime. If you stay with him it says a lot about your sense of morals or anything else for that matter. Do you really want to have kids with a child molester?

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    • TweedRanger
      10 years ago

      Woah! Who said he molested kids? Come on, that's not a correct statement.

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      • Avant-Garde
        10 years ago

        I didn't say that he did. Its that usually and eventually, the porn no longer is enough for them and they end up actually molesting kids to fulfill those desires. I brought up the potential offspring to show how serious the situation is. Who in their right mind is going to want to have kids with someone who shows interest in being attracted to minors? Just because they are his kids doesn't mean that he'll look the other way.

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        • TweedRanger
          10 years ago

          Do you have a source with evidence that usually and eventually porn is no longer enough and that molestation is the end result?

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          • Avant-Garde
            10 years ago

            I've read it on some sexual abuse support websites.

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            • TweedRanger
              10 years ago

              Must be true then.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Curiosity is normal, but 20+ pages of it? Definitely less normal.
    Furthermore, I think that if this were just a matter of "curiosity," then you would have also found some pictures of boys as well. You see what I'm saying?

    Secondly, it's important to consider the legal ramifications of such situations. I don't think I need to go into further detail regarding that; you know what the deal is.

    Now please stop snooping on people.

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    • Avant-Garde
      10 years ago

      I can't believe you got *zero* on this. Was it because of your bluntness or something else?

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        It could have been the first three words and/or the last sentence, either of which could be misinterpreted as dismissive of the OP's underlying concern (which is simply not the case).

        I like to think of myself as a logical and articulate person - particularly so, in fact - but very many people seem to disagree. I can only assume it's because I (apparently) think quite differently than most, so my logic and rationale fly over most people's heads. That's to be expected, I guess.

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  • xTheShadyCharacterx
    10 years ago

    I say let it go for now and see if it happens again. If it does LEAVE HIM

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  • davesumba
    10 years ago

    This is completely normal. Don't judge people for their sexual fantasies.

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    • IntergalacticMarketAnalyst
      10 years ago

      Except it's not just a fantasy anymore. He has crossed the line by participating in the sexual exploitation of children.

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      • davesumba
        10 years ago

        ... no where in the story does it say he is participating in the sexual exploitation of children.

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        • IntergalacticMarketAnalyst
          10 years ago

          "If" he indeed looked at child porn that's participating in the sexual exploitation of children. It's participating by creating the demand for it. Demand fuels production.

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          • davesumba
            10 years ago

            I didn't realize that me watching all kinds of free pirated movies was helping the movie makers out by creating a demand for it? I'll have to use that excuse next time they try fining me a half million to catch up on the last season of my favorite show.

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            • IntergalacticMarketAnalyst
              10 years ago

              So your logic here is as long as you don't pay money for it you're not in any way promoting the exploitation of children? That's ridiculous. I don't know all the ins and outs (no pun intended) of the child porn industry but I do know that many of the images and videos were never meant to be profitable financially by whomever originally produced them.

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          • disthing
            10 years ago

            It depends on how he interacted with it.

            Downloading it, paying for it, commissioning it or encouraging it creates demand.

            Scrolling through an image board then leaving does not.

            He crossed a line, but depending on how he interacted with the files and the supplier of the files makes a big difference. If he did just click on a website and browse, I wouldn't say he was 'fuelling production.'

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            • IntergalacticMarketAnalyst
              10 years ago

              I disagree that viewing free images is harmless. Many sites hosting child porn were never intended to turn a profit. What is the motivation to create these free sites and what keeps it going? I would think it is due in large part to viewership. If a site is getting traffic then there's at least a perceived demand for new material, isn't there? I am just thinking out loud here, I could be off base.

              As I was reading the state laws many stated that participating in any way in child porn is ALWAYS seen as damaging to children. Now I know that's for legal purposes but there's reasoning behind it. Oh man I think I have already spent way too much time researching and thinking about this subject...

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    • handsignals
      10 years ago

      dude! maybe you need to go see a therapist or something.

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      • davesumba
        10 years ago

        I did. She said it is perfectly normal these sexual thoughts that I am having. She just told me not to act on them.

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        • TweedRanger
          10 years ago

          There is nothing 'wrong' with having sexual thoughts about children and no one can be blamed. But viewing child porn, are you really excusing that?

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          • davesumba
            10 years ago

            Yeah I am. And it is perfectly legal to view child porn in the U.S.
            And let's be honest, those little sluts enjoy it. Where are all those Pro-Murderers saying women have the right to do with their bodies anything they want.

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            • charli.m
              10 years ago

              Children enjoy being raped?

              What the fuck is wrong with you? The women hating was, quite frankly, whatever who cares.

              But saying that children are sluts that like being raped is beyond fucked.

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            • IntergalacticMarketAnalyst
              10 years ago

              It's probably legal to view it, but to do so you'd generally have to possess it, which is clearly illegal.

              Oh OK, you're trolling. Well that's nice.

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            • TweedRanger
              10 years ago

              Ahahahahohohohooookay then

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        • handsignals
          10 years ago

          Really! maybe you need to find a spechialist or something your going to end up in Coalinga.

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  • TweedRanger
    10 years ago

    Well, it could be that he is just curious but as there's a 'sh*t ton', I would expect there were a lot more than could be justified as acting on curiosity. I don't think he's a pedophile, if he is, it seems he's waited a very long time before acting on it (presuming this is the first time he's accessed child porn). I'd be more worried if he isn't a pedophile as the reason he'd like watching child porn may be even more sadistic and disturbing.

    Whether this was done out of curiosity or not, you and he both need to realise that viewing such images is a crime and very much frowned upon. Each one of those pictures is of a crime scene where a child has been abused and by viewing such images he is supporting such abhorrent acts.

    You should definitely ask him about this, and probably leave him and contact the police. There is no excuse for what he has done.

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  • handsignals
    10 years ago

    Hey OP! what did you end up doing, let us know???

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    • kitkat_1
      10 years ago

      Im going to confront him, if he can't prove its someone else's then i plan on taking some time apart from him either way, but likely will break up with him. I think this stems from his porn and sex addiction and I really dont think hes a danger to children. So at the very least some time apart to really think about it

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      • disthing
        10 years ago

        That sounds sensible.

        As I said in the comment below, I don't think what he did justifies involving the police in any way. But he should realise there are consequences to viewing imagery like that. Hopefully the shame and embarrassment of being confronted will have some impact, so he doesn't end up in prison one day.

        Well done for not overreacting, it's refreshing to see :)

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    You should confront him about it because there is a possibility that it was caused by a virus. Lots of porn sites have viruses that make a bunch of random shit pop up. I remember one time I was looking at porn and it put a bunch of shit on my computer and everytime I would open the internet there would be beastility pics and other weird pics on the opening page. I'm actually quite internet illiterate though and it sounds like he may be as well. The fact that he cleared the internet history yet this was from 6 months ago also adds to the suspicion that it wasn't always there and put there by a virus.
    It's also very possible he was actually looking at child porn. Only you will be able to find out what is going on.

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    • disthing
      10 years ago

      I experienced the same thing back when I was using Windows. Luckily Macs are generally much less susceptible to spyware / malware infections.

      When I was 11 our family computer became infected and we had explicit pop-ups; various types of porn including child porn. We were pretty mortified ha

      But I have never experienced spyware that inserts false entries in the history of web browsers before. Seems a little unlikely to me.

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    • kitkat_1
      10 years ago

      We use apple computers, there are rarely any pop ups and no viruses, i wish it was that but the only explanation it could possibly be is that is was someone who used his computer which is unlikely since he lives alone :/

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      • Avant-Garde
        10 years ago

        Apple is one of many US companies that turns all consumer data over to the NSA. Your boyfriend could potentially be in hot water already regardless of whether or not you report him.

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        I wonder why he hadn't deleted it for 6 months when it sounds like he deletes the history regularly.

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        • kitkat_1
          10 years ago

          I assume it went overlooked. It's the only history there at all.

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  • Barugel_Azulay
    10 years ago

    I voted "it's normal", not in the sense that it's OK, but meaning that porn abuse will most often lead to that. Every guy I know who looks at porn that loosely, thinking "it's just a fantasy, it's all fine" (myself included), eventually finds himself looking for that kind of thing (I mean both bestiality and pedophilia, among other disturbing stuff). I believe porn in our era is like tobacco in the fifties. Back then everyone said it was okay even though they saw every smoker coughing all the time and not being able to go up 2 stories using the stairs. It's the same with porn, we all say it's fine now, but in a few years you'll have doctors advising against it and laws demanding warnings on every site. We are the guinea-pig-generation on this matter, just like our grandparents were on tobacco. Not that porn has anything wrong to it intrinsically, but such a vast and easy availability of it will most often lead to trouble health wise. Live and learn, what are you going to do?

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  • hitchman
    10 years ago

    Fuckin sicko weirdo. Imagine that was your sister/mother etc and u found out some sick c*nt fucked her dead body. How would that make u feel?

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    • davesumba
      10 years ago

      Actually it would be more like if a sick cunt masturbated to pictures of your sister/mother's dead body. It's not the same.

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      • hitchman
        10 years ago

        Prolly a sick fetish

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  • trickydick
    10 years ago

    Call the cops

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  • Annapurna
    10 years ago

    Even though it was just "curiosity", it would not be normal at all. Well, I can't hold back I'm insterested by little girls too, but I know I'm not normal about that. Platonic love for them would be, and I really wish it would be only admiration also for me, but I know that's not true, and I perfectly know that's not normal at all.

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  • handsignals
    10 years ago

    Wait a second! If you think this shit is real why are you not telling her to call 'To Catch A Predator' and hve his ass set up, the dudes a pedo???

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    • davesumba
      10 years ago

      Because it isn't illegal to be a pedo, dumbass.

      Fun Fact: A 16 year old who is sexually attracted to an 11 year old makes that person a pedo.

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